"I've heard puns you people wouldn't believe ..."
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
Thought I heard someone say “Hello” in Arabic
But it was a false Salaam.
Have you heard, the sequel to 2020 has has been postponed?
2022 won’t be arriving for at least a year.
Have you heard the joke about the capital building?
Have you heard they’re making Christmas themed tampons?
They’re for the festive period!
Have you ever heard of selective hearing?
I haven't
(Joke from my 14 year old son)
I heard that by law you need to turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden
How the hell am I supposed to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
I heard Ian McKellan, Ian McDiarmid, and Ian Holm are teaming up to defend the Milky Way.
They’re calling themselves the Guard-Ians of the Galaxy.
We've all heard of Murphy's Law...
But have you heard of Cole's Law?
Heard about the homeless horse?
Murphy's Law states anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Have you heard of Cole's Law?
Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food. No atmosphere, though...
Have you heard about the blind prostitute ?
Well, you gotta hand it to her.
Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillow?
I heard Giuliani dyed?
It leaked a few days ago.
Have you heard about the disease you get from kissing birds ?
It's called Chirpies. It's a canarial disease. It's untweetable.
Best dad joke I've heard today.. so far
Me: "Are you free tomorrow?"
Dad: "No, I'm 5 bucks tomorrow."
i heard my dad was stealing from his roadworks job
i didnt believe it at first but when i got home all the signs were there
Have you heard of the drummer that became an author?
I heard he uses a lot of cymbalisms in his works
Just heard there's a guy down Borough market selling Oxford vaccinations for £2 each...
I heard someone was planning a murder
I was worried until I found out he was a Crow
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
Have you heard of the new travel sized chocolate truffles?
Pocket Lindts...
Credit: Twitter
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.
Have you heard of the underwater google bandit?
They can’t find him because victims are only giving vague descriptions.
I heard some crows communicating after one of their own was injured.
They were caws for concern.
Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
Just heard the world paper tearing champion has died....
I heard Biden's newest cabinet member is a racehorse.
He's gonna be the new Secretariat of State.
I heard that the jalapeño finally finished school.
He is now known as Dr. Pepper
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
I heard they want to find a new actor to play Iron Man
Guess they'll need to cast someone.
"Have you ever heard of Joe"? "Who`s Joe"?
I was in the hotel lobby the other day when I heard 2 chess masters bragging about past wins.
They were chess nuts boasting in an open foyer
Heard the song "Don't Start Now" on the radio.
Told my kids: "If I have to listen to this song one more time, I am going to Dua Lipa off the roof".
I heard somebody died after reading a book
They were sentenced to death
I heard Mike Tyson will be launching a Christian dedicated social media site.
He's calling it "Faithbook".
I heard that Santa’s workers don’t like to share their toys.
Everyone has heard the phrase "There's something afoot"...
But we are really in trouble when something is amile
You probably haven’t heard of that new movie, "Constipation"
Have you heard the one about the sidewalk?
Actual dad joke I heard in the supermarket
A dad was with his daughter and she was looking for hair dye and he said... "Don't get that red colour you got last time, it made you a transginger"
Have you heard of Darth Vader's wife, she's always reliable and lifting people up when their down
Have you heard about the child abductor that sleeps alot?
Have you heard about corduroy pillows?
They're making headlines!
I am sure you've heard of Murphy's Law, but have you heard of Cole's Law?
It is thinnly sliced cabbage.
Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows?
They're making headlines.
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