"I've heard puns you people wouldn't believe ..."
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︎ Jun 03 2017
Youβve heard of elf on a shelf but are you prepared for ?
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︎ Apr 09 2021
Just heard a man had an accident while playing peek a boo..
He's currently in the ICU.
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︎ Apr 09 2021
I heard the movie was good though
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︎ Apr 13 2021
So I heard the guy who wrote the hokey pokey died recently...
Nice funeral and all, but they had a horrible time getting him in the casket. You know when they tried to put the right arm in....
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︎ Apr 11 2021
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
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︎ Dec 07 2020
Have you heard the joke about the maize farmer?
Ah, nevermind, it's pretty corny
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︎ Apr 02 2021
I just heard there's a new Canadian strain of covid
People are showing up to the hospital eh-symptomatic
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︎ Feb 04 2021
Heard you all like drum puns...
I got a Zildjian of them!
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︎ Mar 25 2021
I heard that 23% of the crew of Christopher Columbus' Santa Maria were named Juan
Which means there was a three to Juan ratio
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︎ Apr 16 2021
Have you heard Schrodinger's joke?
Joke: >!γγγγγγγγγγγγγγγγγγ!<
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︎ Mar 12 2021
I just heard a dirty joke about oil drilling.
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︎ Mar 10 2021
Have you heard about the new restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.
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︎ Apr 07 2021
Have you heard of the giant shoe tower?
I heard it was a big feet of engineering
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︎ Apr 04 2021
"Son, I heard you got punished for using the 'F ' word in class. That wasn't fun was it ?"
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︎ Mar 24 2021
I heard that Tiger Wood's car accident was caused by a problem with his tires...
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︎ Feb 24 2021
Have you heard about the vacuum company's new CEO?
They hired him because of his good business Vacuumen.
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︎ Apr 04 2021
Have you heard the NFL started selling corn at the Tampa Bay stadium?
It only costs a buck an ear.
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︎ Apr 22 2021
Have you heard the joke about the broken pencil?
Forget about it....it's pointless!
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︎ Mar 26 2021
Have you heard about the typist from the 90's?
She misspelled millennium and spaced out
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︎ Mar 24 2021
I heard Honda came out with a new car for pirates...
Itβs the Civic Type ARR!
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︎ Apr 23 2021
I heard the Kool Aid man is starting a baseball team.
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︎ Feb 14 2021
Have you heard of the new psychological therapy for trendy kids?
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︎ Apr 21 2021
I was walking down the street and I heard someone saying hello in Arabic.
Turns out it was a false salaam.
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︎ Apr 11 2021
I heard that fish are good for your dog's health.
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︎ Apr 07 2021
Ever heard about the woman who only did rap battles, when she was on her menstrual period?
They said she had a mean flow.....
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︎ Apr 11 2021
What did Obi Wan Kenobi say when he heard the cow bark?
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︎ Mar 25 2021
I heard a new dad joke today...
...His kid was only a week old!
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︎ Mar 29 2021
Heard yβall like puns (flies were found dead, butter was found at the grocery store in the dairy isle)
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︎ Mar 07 2021
Have you heard the growl of a compressed dinosaur?
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︎ Apr 10 2021
I heard they opened a new restaurant near the top of Mt. Everest
Careful though, the steaks are high
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︎ Mar 17 2021
Have you heard that rumor about butter
Well I am not gonna spread it
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︎ Apr 09 2021
Have you heard the news that Liberty University is suing the founderβs son and former university president?
That Jerry doesnβt Fall Well.
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︎ Apr 18 2021
You heard!!
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︎ Nov 03 2020
Did you heard about that band that came out of the Czech Republic?
I believe they are Prague rock.
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︎ Apr 11 2021
I'm sure you've all heard about the ship stuck in the middle of the Suez canal
If I were that captain I'd be so ashamed I'd commit Suezside
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︎ Mar 25 2021
My friend: Did you heard about the Italian man who died recently, he pasta way
Me: Thats very sad. Venice the funeral?
(Please excuse my poor english as it is not my first language)
Edit: I am not a dad, I am a 15 year old teen
Edit 2: Thank you u/Mnt2bdaddy for the wholesome award.
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︎ Jan 14 2021
Never heard of him
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︎ Feb 03 2021
I heard thunder nearby, so I ran around and turned on all the lights.
When kids asked me why, I said "where's there's thunder, there's lighting!"
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︎ Apr 09 2021
Lots of people know about Harley Quinn but very few people have heard about her twin brother who was stillborn...
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︎ Mar 23 2021
I heard about this one guy who could only see through screens
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︎ Apr 06 2021
I heard that Cardi B won a certificate for being crazy.
I guess she's a certified freak.
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︎ Mar 27 2021
Have you heard the story of how 8 was born?
5 had unprotected 6 with 7
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︎ Apr 06 2021
Have you heard about Chiron of Greek mythology?
With his medical skills, he's known as the first centaur for disease control!
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︎ Apr 11 2021
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
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︎ Feb 25 2021
I was thinking of joining the space force until I heard about the ridiculous physical requirements!
Turns out I'm a little short for a stormtrooper.
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︎ Apr 06 2021
Thought I heard someone say βHelloβ in Arabic
But it was a false Salaam.
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︎ Dec 16 2020
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