Very punny (places pun)

"I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/turtleturds_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
🚨︎ report
A remote place
πŸ‘︎ 348
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elerizo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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From my niece: What's the chicken's favorite place to get coffee?

Starbawks

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/abfinz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.

He told me to quit going to those places.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
A guy has a rough day and stops at Dick’s Place...

...he tells the owner and bartender that he’s a surgeon down at the hospital and he just wants to forget about everything for awhile.

Dick knows just the thing. He quickly whips up a thick, exotic beverage and places it in front of the worn out doctor. He takes one sip and his eyes light up. β€œWhat IS that?” β€œThat’s my signature almond daiquiri”, Dick tells him. The surgeon tells him it’s delicious, pays his bill and comes back the next day and the next day at the same time for the same thing: An almond daiquiri.

Before long, like clockwork, Dick is able to have it ready for him just before he comes in. But, one day as he is preparing the drink, he realizes that he’s run out of almonds! With no time to lose, he quickly substitutes the almonds with hickory nuts and sets the beverage on the bar.

The surgeon pops in, takes a big gulp, and immediately spits it all over the bar. He looks at the bartender and says, β€œThat’s not an almond daiquiri, Dick!” And Dick says, β€œNo, it’s a hickory daiquiri, Doc!”.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/5YearApril
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to the rock-wall place but my debit card was declined, so I had to pay with the coins in my car’s center console.

It was my climb-it change.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarterLawler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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In the French Court of Louis XIV, going to the bathroom happened all over the place, but loud farting was really stigmatized. So people experiencing gas had to rush to a specifically appointed room called the...

Toot Suite

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xrayhearing
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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When I found my little son on the floor, I briefly thought a murder took place

Fortunately, it was just a kid napping.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ewormPL
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Wife: I’m trying to cut a piece of wood, but it won’t stay in place.

Husband: I recommend that you use this clamp with my company’s logo on it.

Wife: I don’t need your advise!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ugueth
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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Where is a good place to weigh a pie?

Somewhere over the rainbow

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/siphodeus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Tattoo place wants you to Walken (OC)
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatsagoodpint
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Where is the worst place to hid in a hospital?

In the ICU.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stormbreaker636
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Dan Rather asks, "Why is the White House suddenly a very polite place to work?" twitter.com/DanRather/sta…
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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Every dad stores his jokes in a very secret place...

His dad-a-base.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dr_se7en_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
People ask me why I keep bring my sled to places like yard sales and the flea market

I tell them the answer is simple...Toboggan!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/canyuse
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Reposting my feet joke to a more appropriate place
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ricciardo3f1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Three old ladies were having a picnic when the following conversation took place.

First lady: Isn’t it a bit windy? Second lady: I thought it was Thursday. Third lady: Me too, let’s have a cup of tea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dusk118
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I got birth place
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sggEeulB
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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I entered my Chihuahua in an 'ugliest dog' contest and I won first place!

The dog came third.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I have made myself too many places to store books.

I have no shelf control.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A man broke his leg in three places. He went to his doctor for advice.

β€œStop going to those places!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cabbithunt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
If you place all currently living people on the equator around the Earth,

at equal distance from each other,

...

most of them would get wet and some will surely drown

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πŸ‘€︎ u/username_matches
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Where is the worst place to drive when your wrist hurts?

Carpool tunnel.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheelay_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s crazy, all these people running these virtual races, starting all over the place.

Where do we draw the line?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gooeygargoyle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Where's the best place to hide a body?

Page 2 of Google search results.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Top places to get a bunch of doves
  1. Bird store
  2. Magicians warehouse
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nottedy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
The best place to hide something is at an airport

You'd be hiding something in plane site.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/redneckvet
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
If Senate is a place where every bill needs to be pass through

It should be called Bill Gates.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doom_dodo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A girl took me back to her place. The curtains were drawn

but the furniture was real

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clarkey2814
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
There is one place in this world where you can truly love yourself.

In the master bedroom

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_BoogiepoP_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that Apollo 11 landed in the wrong place?

The shuttle was low on fuel, so Armstrong has to take manual control of it to find them a safer place to land, landing 4 miles away from where they intended to.

The scientists behind it were very Apollo-getic.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpiderFlash-1273
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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After watching Hubie Halloween I realized that every Adam Sandler movie takes place in the same universe.

Unfortunately, it's the one we live in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/csteelatgburg
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Old man goes to polling place asking if his wife had already voted.

So the old man approaches the polling official and ask if his wife already voted. They ask for her full name and sure enough, she had already voted. He said Oh darn! She died 6 years ago but she keeps voting on every election and I was hoping to see her once again.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
As a covid detection measure, the eyeglass place took my temperature before I could see the eye doctor.

Does anyone know how I can get it back?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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What is Tiger Wood’s favorite place to go on vacation?

The golf coast.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jom_and_Terry0306
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve finally found a place to work where I can just be average...

It’s a satis-factory.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OutlawRugby
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Where is the cheapest place to buy ham?

Hamazon

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uneeq33
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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She's going places.
πŸ‘︎ 944
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πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Where is the worst place to hide in a game of hide and seek?

The ICU

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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Why are there no Vampire stories that take place in Africa?

I thought about this for awhile, then it hit me that Vampires are weak to holy water. The rains are blessed down in Africa.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainB_MANN
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My young son and I were having our first discussion about drugs. He was curious about why people would do drugs in the first place, and I told him that many people do it because it produces different feelings of euphoria. He asked, "what's euphoria?" I told him that it was hard to explain...

But it's a feeling somewhere between euthreeia and eufiveia.

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wgf5823
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A good sense of direction will get you places
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mediocre_Fanart
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
what is a Karen’s favorite place to drink?

A whine bar

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/psychrn1898
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
There's no place like ...

X0 Y0 Z0

only the hobbyists are gonna keep their head straight, reading this one.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spanky2222
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Once, I agreed to help Death move his couch to his new place.

After we got there, I realized I forgot those things you’re supposed to sit on. There were reaper cushions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghostwriter623
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I work at the mall as Santa Claus during Christmas. I'm wearing the costume for most of the day, but sometimes my colleague takes my place while I take a break

I'm the main Claus and he's my subordinate Claus.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MokshK
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My son came home and said β€œDad, I broke my arm in 12 places.”

So I said, β€œWell, stop going to those places then!”

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rstein656
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.

He told me to stop going to those places

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the doctor and I told him I broke my arm in two places.

He said stop going to those places

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tomthebomb9999
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report

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