How do librarians get out of sticky situations?

They pull the library card.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zomida
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Creepy situation? Calls for a dad joke

So this is a true story, and maybe I’ll go to hell for telling it, but I expect I’ll meet the actual perpetrator there:

At baseball practice last night, a coach asked if I’d seen the rabbit β€” the dead one. What? He had me look by a fence where there wasn’t a dead bunny, but HALF of one: Literally (and eerily) just the bottom half, with the top completely missing. Still shuddering over this.

Properly disposed of it and was feeling unsettled, but sprung right back to true dad form when he jokingly accused me of harming the rabbit. I told him that he knew it couldn’t have been me β€” I’ve never been one to split hares

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kurtvan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
I should have been making more jokes about the whole Suez canal situation...

I really missed the boat on that one

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hallsguide
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
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The Covid19 situation has been particularly stressful for the Flat Earth Society.

They fear social distancing measures will push someone over the edge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MissMoops
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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Sticky situation
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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Does anyone know why you are supposed to capitalize On A Bad Situation?
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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A priest in the woods has been attacked by a pack of wolves. In a moment of desperation, the priest started to ask God how to get out of this situation.

The wolves may be predators but he pray

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MegaFamous
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a situation when you don't feel like digging holes anymore?

Bored to bore

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saswata1194
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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Jeff it looks like you’re in a ruff situation..
πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punk_Rasputin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you guys know that ducks are terrible in tense situations?

They tend to quack under pressure.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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Our current situation in a nutshell
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fishkatze
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend to said to me "there's no situation where a contraction makes sense but its split from doesnt"

I said "aren't there?"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Short_Artist_Girl
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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Damn that's a sticky situation
πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KriykoBq
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
People who aren't impressed by pictures of a Black Hole clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sur5er
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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An ether/oar situation...
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/R3ALPH8TH
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
He made a pun out of an autocorrect situation
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chloe24603
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
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Saw a deal earlier to stay on a canal boat but I was worried about covid situation

There's bound to be a lock down there

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ian_M87
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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Hairy situation
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs110466
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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Situation under control
πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TyRoland06
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Making light of the situation
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpartaPros
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
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FBI has just announced about a mole on their organization. They are consulting Harry Potter about the situation

since he is good at catching snitches

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doktorstrange7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A Harry Situation
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jwinsome
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A punny take on the coronavirus situation using movies/tv series as puns
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Viv3K_Banerjee
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the situation in which a black, 17 year old excavator robbed a small convenience store?

It was a minor minority minor miner notoriety.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dishwasherfetus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
A truck carrying Worcestershire sauce crashed the other day. The dispatcher asked for the situation

The officer replied: β€œIt’s hard to say”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommyWiseaus_butt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Situation under....
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πŸ‘€︎ u/face-spunk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
🚨︎ report
We've got a domestic situation here
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πŸ‘€︎ u/webguy1975
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I don’t think you understand the gravity of this situation
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sunnyyixuanchen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
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Just imagine.... a world without hypothetical situations
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ordinarybloke1963
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Don't worry the situation is under control
πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomJackson90
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dog with knowledge or perception of a situation or fact?

Aware Wolf.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Infinite_Thing
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A man should always carry a knife. It can cut your food, open beer bottles, be a screwdriver, or even be used as a toothpick. It works great for cleaning your fingernails, and it's quite useful in an emergency situation

like when you have to change someone's mind.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My son borrows money from me every week, so I told him, β€œI don’t think you understand the seriousness of your debt situation.”

He said, β€œOh please. You should really give me a bit more credit.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Situation under cntrl
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sphnixogaming
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who has the ability to pull off a lie in every situation?

A Liability

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
🚨︎ report
It is a real do-or die situation.
πŸ‘︎ 651
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I don't think he understands the gravity of this situation.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CucaBeludo384
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
It's a beefy situation
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kucing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
If we would explain the the current US political situation to the 2010 us at a fantasy fare, they would jokingly call it some batshit magic 'Hocus POTUS'...
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
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I cannot and will not ever use a plastic knife in any situation

It never makes the cut

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beebeepsheep
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A sticky situation
πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaminite_jamin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Being cooped up in the house for so long has led me to attempt new hobbies. As an example, I'm currently studying how to adapt French phrases to describe the situation.

You could say it's my maison d'Γͺtre.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
The situation certainly was not uncontrollable
πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OTG_SLAYA
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Am I the asshole in this situation?

So a bit of background here, I am fully dependent on my carer. Where he goes, I go. What he eats, I have to eat too. And because of that, if he wants to eat the wrong thing, I suffer.

I have no control over what he feeds us and I can't always tolerate the foods he likes. If he eats food that is too spicy, I yell at him. Like a lot. I've even made him cry a few times. But the thing is, I can't control myself. Every time I talk, it is shit for everyone in my vicinity, especially him. That's why I need him as a carer. I really tried to not give him shit for a couple weeks by not talking at all but he thought it was so bad that I did that he took me to the doctor to force me to keep giving out instead of bottling it all up.

I don't know what to do. I'm literally the end point of his digestive system. Am I the asshole?

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondChocobos
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
A berry dangerous situation
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Melon_Lizard
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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My current driving situation
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tenshortdays
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Well, I always try to be positive about the situation.
πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HTTYDfan1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
The COVID19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.

They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.

πŸ‘︎ 20k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sur5er
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report

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