Creepy situation? Calls for a dad joke
So this is a true story, and maybe I’ll go to hell for telling it, but I expect I’ll meet the actual perpetrator there:
At baseball practice last night, a coach asked if I’d seen the rabbit — the dead one. What? He had me look by a fence where there wasn’t a dead bunny, but HALF of one: Literally (and eerily) just the bottom half, with the top completely missing. Still shuddering over this.
Properly disposed of it and was feeling unsettled, but sprung right back to true dad form when he jokingly accused me of harming the rabbit. I told him that he knew it couldn’t have been me — I’ve never been one to split hares
I should have been making more jokes about the whole Suez canal situation...
I really missed the boat on that one
The Covid19 situation has been particularly stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear social distancing measures will push someone over the edge.
Does anyone know why you are supposed to capitalize On A Bad Situation?
A priest in the woods has been attacked by a pack of wolves. In a moment of desperation, the priest started to ask God how to get out of this situation.
The wolves may be predators but he pray
What do you call a situation when you don't feel like digging holes anymore?
Jeff it looks like you’re in a ruff situation..
My friend to said to me "there's no situation where a contraction makes sense but its split from doesnt"
Did you guys know that ducks are terrible in tense situations?
They tend to quack under pressure.
Our current situation in a nutshell
Damn that's a sticky situation
Saw a deal earlier to stay on a canal boat but I was worried about covid situation
There's bound to be a lock down there
People who aren't impressed by pictures of a Black Hole clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation.
An ether/oar situation...
He made a pun out of an autocorrect situation
FBI has just announced about a mole on their organization. They are consulting Harry Potter about the situation
since he is good at catching snitches
Making light of the situation
A punny take on the coronavirus situation using movies/tv series as puns
Did you hear about the situation in which a black, 17 year old excavator robbed a small convenience store?
It was a minor minority minor miner notoriety.
A truck carrying Worcestershire sauce crashed the other day. The dispatcher asked for the situation
The officer replied: “It’s hard to say”
What do you call a dog with knowledge or perception of a situation or fact?
I don’t think you understand the gravity of this situation
We've got a domestic situation here
My son borrows money from me every week, so I told him, “I don’t think you understand the seriousness of your debt situation.”
He said, “Oh please. You should really give me a bit more credit.”
Don't worry the situation is under control
Just imagine.... a world without hypothetical situations
A man should always carry a knife. It can cut your food, open beer bottles, be a screwdriver, or even be used as a toothpick. It works great for cleaning your fingernails, and it's quite useful in an emergency situation
like when you have to change someone's mind.
I cannot and will not ever use a plastic knife in any situation
If we would explain the the current US political situation to the 2010 us at a fantasy fare, they would jokingly call it some batshit magic 'Hocus POTUS'...
I don't think he understands the gravity of this situation.
Being cooped up in the house for so long has led me to attempt new hobbies. As an example, I'm currently studying how to adapt French phrases to describe the situation.
You could say it's my maison d'être.
It is a real do-or die situation.
The situation certainly was not uncontrollable
A berry dangerous situation
Am I the asshole in this situation?
So a bit of background here, I am fully dependent on my carer. Where he goes, I go. What he eats, I have to eat too. And because of that, if he wants to eat the wrong thing, I suffer.
I have no control over what he feeds us and I can't always tolerate the foods he likes. If he eats food that is too spicy, I yell at him. Like a lot. I've even made him cry a few times. But the thing is, I can't control myself. Every time I talk, it is shit for everyone in my vicinity, especially him. That's why I need him as a carer. I really tried to not give him shit for a couple weeks by not talking at all but he thought it was so bad that I did that he took me to the doctor to force me to keep giving out instead of bottling it all up.
I don't know what to do. I'm literally the end point of his digestive system. Am I the asshole?
My current driving situation
Well, I always try to be positive about the situation.
They had an overstock situation at the spice shop
They had way too much thyme on their hands.
The COVID19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
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