Doing my bit for the environment, minimising my carb-on footprint
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KnightB3ar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
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I heard McDonald’s got tired of harming the environment and stopped using plastic altogether.

For them, it was the last straw.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElPorTuu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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You know, with all this talk about how cow farts are polluting the environment...

Ranchers really should start installing CATTLE-itic converters.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/razortongue71
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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I went to the doctors today and discovered it was a really cut-throat environment.

Great ENT surgeon though.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dcsco
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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When I was in the army, our captain told us to dress as water dwelling birds, make quaking noises and just recline lazily in order to blend into the environment. But I doubted how effective that would be.

I was sure we’d be sitting ducks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kiwicanary
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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Plastics are Bag for the environment.

Ok masters of reddit, continue the pun.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xuebin683
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
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What do you call a learning environment that specialises in teaching nuts?

macadamia

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πŸ‘€︎ u/toastshop
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
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I heard they've been putting electronic fish in the waters so they can catch more without hurting the environment.

Now that's E-fish-in-sea!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zenofire
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2017
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Mathematicians have developed a dance that is good for the environment.

It's called Al Gore Rhythm. (Algorithm)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Williamdefoe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2017
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Why is a computer scientist similar to a person who enjoys the music of a former democratic presidential candidate who really liked the environment?

They both enjoy Al Gore rhythms

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Willthetortoise
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2017
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What did the chameleon who came into contact with a brand new rocky environment think?

"Colour me intrigued."

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2016
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We Were Using "R", the Software Environment, in my Stats Class Today

The professor asked us what a pirate's favourite letter was. We all grudgingly answered "R..." in unison. "NAY," he replied. "It's the C!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thewreckage
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2015
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I work in a hospital. It's pretty great because if you mess up people are really chill about it, and they let you try again. It's really a good environment because...

We'd be a really shitty hospital if we didn't have any patience.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/T3hN1nj4
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2014
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My farmer friend is moving, so he had to give up his horses for adoption.

They are now being raised in a stable environment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 21
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Nobody laughed at my joke but I'm proud of it.

I was volunteering today at a vegan grill event for an animal rights group. After only an hour we barely had any grilling to do as there weren't any guests.

Me: This doesn't feel like I'm at a workplace at all, it's actually quite chill. But then again, it's a low stakes environment.

Everyone else: Crickets and blank stares

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marmelado
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
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What did the farmer say before quitting?

I have never liked this croppy work environment, but this day's harvest is the final straw!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wkono
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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A joke that takes a while to evolve

To celebrate the 200th birthday of Charles Darwin, the scientific community joined together for a party. As is common at such gatherings, the Biologists began to argue about what species was the most suited to its environment. Finally after much heated debate, a group of scientists pledged to spend the rest of the year exhaustively researching the Biological record to once and for all determine which creature was the ultimate example of adaptivity and proficiency ever to live.

Yesterday, the results were announced at the National Academy of Sciences. The creature identified as the most adaptive and proficient in Earth's history was a previously unknown animal from the Mesozoic era, a water dwelling insect that thrived for a hundred million years.

It was ... a FishAnt

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnFancyPants
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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I had to get out of the small hotel business in Europe.

It was a hostel work environment

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudesbeindudes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
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Did you hear about the math teacher that was afraid of negative numbers?

He would stop at nothing to avoid them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VanceTuckahoe
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
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My farmer friend is moving to the city, and he has to give up his favourite horse for adoption.

He wants it to grow up in a stable environment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
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Coworker said, "if you do that again, I'll kick you in the shin."

"That's alright, I wore shinguards today."

"...why?"

"Just for kicks!"

All I got for my wit was a deadpan look and a slow head shake.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/downhillcarver
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2014
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Nut jokes

What kind of nut has hayfever?

A CashOO!

What do you call a nut that you've annoyed?

Pistacho

What do you call a nut that's looking at you out of the corner of its eye?

Pecan

What do you call a learning environment that teaches nuts?

Macademia

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πŸ‘€︎ u/toastshop
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
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Just got caught off-guard by my eleven-year-old daughter.

So, in true dad spirit, I asked my daughter if she'd heard about the man raised by horses.

After I delivered the "difficult childhood, but a stable environment" punchline, she groaned and said, "I thought you were going to say he was your neigh-bour."

She learns fast.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/churplaf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2016
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A lot of people don't take climate change seriously, so I decided to stop caring.

Now I go bicycling wherever I go instead. Besides being good for the environment, it saves on gas and gets me a good workout every time.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
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Why did the Hotel Clerk feel uncomfortable at work?

It was a hostel work environment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stereocup
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
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My buddy has to wear a tuxedo to his job at the yogurt factory.

It’s a very cultured environment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sgri0b
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
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What do you call someone who can control trees with their mind?

An environ-mentalist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wrecklessPony
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2018
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Organic Pillow

Friend: I just got an organic pillow.

Me: What makes that different than a regular pillow?

Friend: I don't know. I guess it's good for the environment.

Me: Yeah. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Friend: ........ Ugghhh

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2014
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My dad can string this joke out forever. I've seen it go for 20 minutes.

A man gets a new job at the zoo.

On his first day, he still doesn't really understand what exactly he's meant to do, just that it involves the Gorillas. He goes and checks in and the manager sits him down to explain.

"Now look," says the manager, "We've been having some troubles lately with our gorilla. He was acting up, getting really agitated with the environment, so we had to send him away. We told the people that enclosure's being repaired, but we're actually looking for a new gorilla - can you do it for us?"

The man is unsure, but he needs the money, so he agrees, puts on a gorilla suit and goes out there. At first he's a bit mopey, so he sits around a lot.

After a couple of days he begins to warp up and eats a couple of bananas and wanders around a little.

Over the course of the next few weeks he becomes progressively more outgoing, moving around, playing in the jungle gym, hollering around and beating his chest. He's a big hit and everything's going really well for him, u

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toggle2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2013
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An old man and his lawn

An older gentleman had an herb garden, one of the herbs that he had planted was thyme. The thyme took really well to the climate and environment of his lawn, and began to extend past his garden, into his lawn. Now, this was unacceptable as he prided himself on having a pristine lawn. He decides he needs to reign in the problem and heads to the nearby nursery to find a solution.

He gets there, but wants to make sure he finds the right product. After about 30 minutes, one of the customer service associates notices he's spent a lot of time looking around the herbicides and whatnot. Thinking the man has a weed problem, he offers the following assistance.

"Hey can I help you find a weed-killer? You've been on this asile awhile, and I can definitely speed up the process."

"No thanks," the man responds, "I've got some thyme to kill."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dedinside13
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
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I once worked at a paper company

But I had to quit. the work environment was tearable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slvrscoobie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
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[News]: Low-cost boarding houses have employees quitting in record numbers

They claim it's because of a hostel work environment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fat_Hitchhiker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2017
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With great puns comes great responsibility.

I came home today to a dark house, quickly learned that the power had been out for hours. Walked into my roomate's bedroom, they're sitting on the bed.

Me: "So I hear you're feeling a little... powerless."

I swear on all things holy that at that very fucking moment the lights flickered on. We just sat there in disbelief for a moment. My puns are that god damned good. I must use the power well (stealth pun PSA: love the environment).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusinessGoat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2015
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Why did the horse leave his broken home?

He was looking for a more stable environment

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSageOne
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2017
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What are two advantages of a singer not using an electric microphone?

Its cheaper, and better for the environment, so its Eco-no-mic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sunburnt-Vampire
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2015
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A small hospitality firm was recently sued by one of their female employees.

She claimed they created a hostel work environment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobbymack44212
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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My brother was telling me about an article he read

It said cancer likes to thrive in an acidic environment. The article rated popular bottled water brands to show their pH balance. Evian had the lowest acidity so it was considered the best to drink.

I turned to him and said, "Let me get this straight. The article is essentially saying, 'It's all about that base.'"

Eyes were rolled and soft chuckles were had. Although we're brothers, we agreed that was definitely something dad would say.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/machiav3lli
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2016
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I stayed in Australia for a while and was rewarded with the ultimate Dad story

My friend had a really interesting job. One of those jobs you didn't know people could get.

tl;dr just read it, it's worth reading the whole description of the job

Before I moved, my neighbor's job was based in Antarctica. He worked with one of the research centers there, and his job was standing up penguins. I kid you not β€” when shipments arrived by air, like by helicopter or by airplane or whatever, the penguins would all look up with their tiny heads and look up so high they would fall over backwards. Now, penguins are super awkward in how they waddle everywhere, and so, not wanting to disturb the local environment, the research station had to have someone that could suit up and go out there and stand up penguins.

As soon as every shipment arrived, he would say, "Welp, better go suit up now," get into the whole penguin suit, and waddle out there all incognito and stand the penguins on their feet again. I'm sure they could have done it on their own, eventually, but the idea was

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/L1AM
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
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Healthcare Dad Joke from today

We use these red sliding sheets to help transfer patients from the operating table to their trolley (they're widely used in hospitals and care environments for various patient manual handling tasks). For those who are unfamiliar, it's basically a double layered, frictionless sheet you position under the patient in order (theoretically) to transfer them with minimal force and effort.

One particular colleague hates them, and today ranted:

"I would love to punch the guy who invented these and has probably made millions of pounds and retired"

To which someone immediately responded:

"I bet he's a right slippery character though".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/machschau
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2015
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Just stumbled on this sub. It's the reason my Dad exists.

So the joke goes "You know, James Madison was a naturalist. A lot of people don't know that. He really loved the environment and care a lot about wildlife. In fact, he tried to put protecting wildlife into the bill of rights, but a lot of people don't know that he was dyslexic too. So when he was writing the 2nd amendment he wrote the right to bear arms, but what he meant was the right to arm bears!"

Just went on a tour of revolutionary battlegrounds (truly amazing if you ever get the chance) and that joke was told in excess of 50 times, no exaggeration.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CyrusGreat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2013
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Telling a friend about applying for Hanford/Bechtel

I am M2F trans with 2 kids. Although I am very fem, the dad jokes still sometimes slip. Tonight, I was speaking with a friend on Facebook and this classic came out while talking about my job hunt and seeking a position with Hanford and/or Bechtel (a nuclear facility)

"Hopefully I'll get at least an interview. I hear that it's a pretty toxic environment, but if you're in, it's a big nuclear family"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sierragirl78
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2014
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