Fatherhood Puns

Receptionist: Hello and welcome to the NDA, or New Dad Association, how may I help you today?

Dad: Can I tell other people about this?

Way better than fatherhat, and it covers your ears!

A fake duolingo account made a post with a grammatical error. I corrected them, and here's the resulting joke

Anon- "duolingo is fluent in language, not grammar" Me- "languages require grammar... Czech mate"

All I say all day is "pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up"

We're called Dadness.

But it's just a crying shame none of them are called "Daddy Issues"

Brother: Where's my bag, dad?

Me (to brother): It's in the Middle East.

My dad was very amused.

I see dad people.

Me: (cuddling) I'm not sure why I'm rubbing my ear on your nose Him: I guess you want to h-ear what I nose.

He also says "Hi Hungry, I'm (SO)" every time I say I'm hungry. Grr.

http://i.imgur.com/vpLEjWM.jpg

Boss (to colleague on the phone) -"Make sure you check all the trees"

Me - "Make sure he checks the fours as well"

I feel ready

I'm getting my lunch ready this morning before I leave for work and as I'm pouring it into a plastic container, I ask my mum what type it is.

"It's potato and leek" she replies

"So if it spills everywhere, you know why"

Cue groans and slapping of foreheads from mum and I

We'd been going through names from name generator for my niece or nephew, coming to the end of our tether..

Me: "why don't you just call it whatever you want to call it"

Brother: "well that would be a long name, I can't just call it 'whatever-you-want-to-call-it'"

I was just watching a news story about a truck of butter bursting to flames on a highway. The news reporter said that the driver and passenger got awat from the accident.

I turned to my grandmother and said "I guess you can say they slipped away."

I was talking to a coworker about movies when she brought up the Fast and Furious movies. Her: "There's eventually going to be 10 Fast and Furious movies." Me: "Does that count Tokyo Drift, or do they consider it a spin off?" Her: "You're not funny and I hate you."

Me: I gave blood today. Cousin: With work? Me: Yeah. Cousin: That's probably illegal. I'm pretty sure you should get the Red Cross to do that.

I went with my girlfriend to fill out some paperwork for her new job, and for whatever reason (no idea why), the lady asks how we got in (I assume what set of doors we used). So here's how it went

Her: how'd you guys get in? Me: through the doors? Her: oh you're a smart one