A new father goes to a club that helps adjust to fatherhood

Receptionist: Hello and welcome to the NDA, or New Dad Association, how may I help you today?

Dad: Can I tell other people about this?

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👤︎ u/dylans2090
📅︎ Mar 16 2021
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Fatherhood is the best

Way better than fatherhat, and it covers your ears!

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👤︎ u/skullchin
📅︎ Oct 16 2020
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Saw this in r/jokes, figured this was peak fatherhood /r/Jokes/comments/ht335z/…
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📅︎ Jul 18 2020
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I'd like my fatherhood license please

A fake duolingo account made a post with a grammatical error. I corrected them, and here's the resulting joke

Anon- "duolingo is fluent in language, not grammar" Me- "languages require grammar... Czech mate"

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📅︎ Jan 16 2020
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Ska music helped prepare me for fatherhood

All I say all day is "pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up"

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📅︎ Jun 04 2019
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I'm in a Ska band that only has lyrics about fatherhood.

We're called Dadness.

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📅︎ Mar 11 2019
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There's a printed magazine for nearly every topic and subject, including all about fatherhood!

But it's just a crying shame none of them are called "Daddy Issues"

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👤︎ u/mohawk_ADE
📅︎ Sep 09 2018
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As an 18 year old, I guess I'm starting fatherhood early:

Brother: Where's my bag, dad?

Me (to brother): It's in the Middle East.

My dad was very amused.

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👤︎ u/jaxmanf
📅︎ Aug 03 2017
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What did the Medium say at the fatherhood convention?

I see dad people.

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👤︎ u/C0okie5
📅︎ May 12 2018
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Clearly my SO is preparing for fatherhood

Me: (cuddling) I'm not sure why I'm rubbing my ear on your nose Him: I guess you want to h-ear what I nose.

He also says "Hi Hungry, I'm (SO)" every time I say I'm hungry. Grr.

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📅︎ Oct 26 2016
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Gotta get the truck ready for fatherhood.

http://i.imgur.com/vpLEjWM.jpg

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👤︎ u/Eddie4510
📅︎ May 01 2017
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In preparation for fatherhood I Dad joked my boss yesterday...

Boss (to colleague on the phone) -"Make sure you check all the trees"

Me - "Make sure he checks the fours as well"

I feel ready

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📅︎ Sep 04 2015
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30 years of fatherhood and I think this is his finest dadjoke

I'm getting my lunch ready this morning before I leave for work and as I'm pouring it into a plastic container, I ask my mum what type it is.

"It's potato and leek" she replies

"So if it spills everywhere, you know why"

Cue groans and slapping of foreheads from mum and I

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👤︎ u/Tote_Sport
📅︎ Nov 05 2014
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My brothers been preparing for fatherhood

We'd been going through names from name generator for my niece or nephew, coming to the end of our tether..

Me: "why don't you just call it whatever you want to call it"

Brother: "well that would be a long name, I can't just call it 'whatever-you-want-to-call-it'"

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📅︎ Nov 25 2016
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I see I'm ready for fatherhood

I was just watching a news story about a truck of butter bursting to flames on a highway. The news reporter said that the driver and passenger got awat from the accident.

I turned to my grandmother and said "I guess you can say they slipped away."

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👤︎ u/elcielo17
📅︎ Oct 28 2014
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Just preparing myself for fatherhood.

I was talking to a coworker about movies when she brought up the Fast and Furious movies. Her: "There's eventually going to be 10 Fast and Furious movies." Me: "Does that count Tokyo Drift, or do they consider it a spin off?" Her: "You're not funny and I hate you."

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👤︎ u/Onezer13
📅︎ Apr 03 2015
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Cousin is shows potential for future fatherhood.

Me: I gave blood today. Cousin: With work? Me: Yeah. Cousin: That's probably illegal. I'm pretty sure you should get the Red Cross to do that.

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👤︎ u/burticlies
📅︎ Oct 04 2013
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Guess I'm preparing for fatherhood really well...

I went with my girlfriend to fill out some paperwork for her new job, and for whatever reason (no idea why), the lady asks how we got in (I assume what set of doors we used). So here's how it went

Her: how'd you guys get in? Me: through the doors? Her: oh you're a smart one

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📅︎ Jul 04 2014
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