How do figure skaters prepare for competitions

Pract-ice

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CriticalBiscuits
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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I asked my waiter how they prepare their chicken…

β€œNothing special,” they said, β€œWe just tell them they’re going to die.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aayan_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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The missus has been missing for a week now. The police have told me to prepare for the worst...

So I have been back to the charity shop to get all her clothes back!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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How do astronauts prepare for a birthday party

They planet (plan it)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/diejshehakdbakalq
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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Germany Prepares for COVID-19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dukofdeath
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
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I walked into the kitchen to help my wife prepare dinner and exclaimed, "That’s a nice ham you’ve got there honey! It’d really be a shame if someone..."

"...put an β€˜s’ at the front and an β€˜e’ at the end!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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A Spanish magician prepares the audience for his final trick...

He yells "UNO!"

The crowd falls silent in anticipation.

"DOS!"

Everyone's eyes are wide, laser focused on the preformer.

Then, the magician vanishes... without a tres.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewyNutCluster
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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Tomorrow is International Mud Day, and I had this marvellous exchange with my 4 year old today, Sunday: "Better prepare your gumboots, tomorrow is Mud Day!" I exclaimed. My child, without missing a beat, replied:

"No it's not, it's MUNday!" The apprentice has now become the master.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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How does Moses prepare his tea?

He brews it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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Prepare yourselves
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mcrlzzle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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We definitely should've done more to prepare for the pandemic.

I guess that's hindsight in 2020

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StoopSign
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
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Did you hear about the psychic who was captured by cannibals? They had to very carefully prepare to eat him for the tribal feast.

Because very rarely is a medium well done.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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How does a conductor prepare for his shift at work?

He trains.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cjphillips612
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
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After browsing recipes on Reddit, I come away believing there’s only one way to prepare my chicken.

You should breddit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tmarsee530
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
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Ska music helped prepare me for fatherhood

All I say all day is "pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MechanicalDruid
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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Her: Hey, can you prepare the chicken for dinner?

Me: Sure...Listen Chicken, There is no easy way for me to say this...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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Prepare for Radiation Poisoning

Question: Why don't radioactive animals talk?

Answer: Because they're mute-ated!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Ars3nic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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A man asks the waiter, "Excuse me, how do you prepare your chicken?"

The waiter responds, "Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Perrin42
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
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I recently started a new job in a cafe where I have to prepare all the fillings for cheese toasties.

It’s grate

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hairyfacedhooman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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I forgot to prepare for my lecture today.

I was speechless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xhenryxx
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
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I just got hired by a high end restaurant, but the only thing I do is prepare oysters.

My job really shucks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
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I went to the butcher's the other day and asked them, how do you prepare your turkey for Thanksgiving?

They said that they just tell them straight out that you're gonna die.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorMTobogganMD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
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The Grim Reaper went to collect a soul. Upon arriving he says to the unfortunate man: "Your time has come, prepare to leave the land of the living and follow me to the gates of heaven. Now come and don't hesitate, for I am unforgiving. Or else you will wander in the shadow realm for eternity!

Hi unforgiving, I'm dad"

"Yes you are"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sint__Maarten
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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How did the Amish know they didn't prepare their butter right?

It left their stomach churning.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ceejayzz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2018
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What does a railroad engineer do to prepare for his job?

He trains.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zechman4
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2015
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She needed to prepare for trouble, make that double!

Today a student of mine was wearing a Pikachu onesie for pajama day at work (a junior in h.s.).our conversation went like this. If she wasn't in anime club with me I would have left her alone.

Me: did your wear that so guys would want to take a peek-at-chu?

Student : Mrs. Acinomismonica, please stop

Me: why? You scared they won't choose you?

Student : I'm going to stop talking to you now

Me: don't be such an Ash

Student : Mrs. Acinomismonica, you need to stop!

Me: c'mon student, you gotta Ketchum to my jokes

Enter the rest of my class groaning, it was a good day. Good thing I stopped before they threw Brocks at me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/acinomismonica
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2016
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As a youngster, I used to spend a lot of time dressed as a choir boy helping the local Vicar prepare the communion table.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sub273
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2018
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Two master strategists get a pen and paper and prepare for a game of tic-tac-toe.

Then they draw.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2017
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Clearing all the weights/workout things from the Nursery to prepare for the baby's arrival

Husband hands me the only thing that's mine (a small 8lb dumbbell) and says "it's really time you carried your own weight around here." I think he's ready for the baby to get here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jennare
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2015
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Helping to prepare dinner

Tonight, my dad is barbecuing salmon for dinner. In order to barbecue this salmon, he needs to first put it in warm water in the dishpan so that it can thaw. However, my mom is using the dishpan, and it's full of water, so he has to wait for her to be done.

Shortly thereafter, she's done with the dishpan and goes to the door to go outside and throw the water on the plants. Only problem: the door is closed. So the following exchange occurs.

>Mom: Hey dad, can you grab the door for me?

>Dad: OK. grabs door handle really hard HNNNNNNG

>Mom: ಠ_ಠ

>Dad: grunting with effort I'm doing this for you, dear!

>Mom: Can you... open the door for me, dear?

>Dad: Oh. opens door What did you think that was going to accomplish, anyway?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teuast
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2014
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How do astronauts prepare for parties?

They planet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotatSalaed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
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how does nasa prepare for their parties?

they planet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scorpion8691
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2018
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How does NASA prepare for missions?

They planet!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/agajeski
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
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