My English book has puns. Wow.
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︎ Oct 29 2018
My yogurt has puns.
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︎ Dec 17 2017
Two ladies are walking their dogs. One has a big black lab, the other has a chihuahua. They pass a bar and the lab owner says, βLetβs get a beer.β The chihuahua walker complains, βWe canβt take our dogs in there.β The first responds, βWatch me.β
The lab owner strolls in with her dog and orders a beer. The bartender tells her, "Sorry, you can't bring your dog in here." "He's my seeing eye dog," the woman replies feigning offense. The bartender quickly apologizes and serves her the beer.
The other woman comes in with her chihuahua and orders a beer, too.
The bartender says βNo dogs allowed in here.β
βHeβs my seeing eye dog.β
βYeah, right,β the bartender says, βItβs a chihuahua.β
Without missing a beat the woman replies, βThey gave me a CHIHUAHUA?β
*EDIT: For everyone that has explained this isnβt a Dad Joke; I told him and he promised to quit telling it.
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︎ Mar 23 2023
My friend's wife used to tease him a lot because he has not sense of direction.
He finally got so mad he just packed up his bags and right.
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︎ Apr 02 2023
Did any Star Wars fans out there know Yoda has a last name?
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︎ Feb 25 2023
What chemical has the molecular formula HIJKLMNO?
π︎ 4k
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︎ Mar 02 2023
Everyone has heard of the historical figure Karl Marx but no one remembers his sister...
...Onya, who invented the starting pistol.
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︎ Mar 27 2023
What has 2 butts and kills people?
π︎ 1k
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︎ Mar 12 2023
If a fire hydrant has H2O inside, what does it have on the outside?
K9P (you'll get it eventually son)
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︎ Mar 09 2023
What starts with W, ends in T, and has two letters in between.
Just stating the obvious.
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︎ Feb 13 2023
What starts with P, ends with E, and has lots of letters?
π︎ 2k
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︎ Feb 13 2023
did you know that Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I'm not joking but he is.
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︎ Feb 28 2023
What is grey and has a trunk?
A squirrel going on holiday.
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︎ Feb 15 2023
Inventor of the wind chill factor has died...
He was 80 but felt like he was 62
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︎ Mar 19 2023
There has been a fire at the bakery
They lost a lot of bread and now the business is toast
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︎ Mar 29 2023
My local bakery has plans to start making deliveries with drones.
Sounds a bit pie in the sky to me.
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︎ Mar 18 2023
Microsoft has taught children how to work and how to form a great pun sequence.
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︎ Mar 14 2023
Alanis Morissette has a new song about attraction between charged particles
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︎ Mar 11 2023
I wonder if he has any carrion luggage?
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︎ Apr 02 2023
Even crime has time for puns (credit to the author, extrafabulouscomics)
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︎ Mar 18 2023
What has a tongue but never says a word?
π︎ 190
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︎ Feb 23 2023
My horse has to go to therapy...
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︎ Mar 22 2023
Did you know a diet of just potatoes has all the nutrients you need to survive?
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︎ Mar 21 2023
Not sure if this is the right place to post, but Costco has 80 inch TVs on sale for $200! Only problem is the volume button doesnβt work.
For that price, you canβt turn it down.
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︎ Mar 25 2023
My friend has an addiction to buying ladders
π︎ 128
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︎ Mar 03 2023
What kind of cheese has muscles?
π︎ 181
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︎ Mar 05 2023
What state has the most philosophers?
π︎ 115
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︎ Mar 01 2023
I had a rancher ask me to help him round up his cattle. I asked him how many he has and he stated 99.
I said 100, youβre welcome!
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︎ Jan 21 2023
My wife has banned me from making any more breakfast puns...
She says if I make any more, I'm toast.
My kids keep egging me on.
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︎ Jan 26 2023
Itβs 2024 and for the first time in the history of US presidential elections no one was chosen due to a lack of suitable candidates. The United States has no leaderβ¦
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︎ Feb 22 2023
My mom has forbidden me from making any more breakfast puns.
She says if I do, Iβm toast; she just pancake anymore. How waffle, right? I guess Iβm in a jam, unless I can learn to be syrup-titious. At least my dad, a cereal punster himself, keeps egging me on. Heβs such a ham. Whoever sausage a thing?
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︎ Dec 15 2022
My buddy has peaked
π︎ 10
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︎ Apr 04 2023
Someone has stepped on my driveway while I was repaving it, I swear.
I have concrete evidence.
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︎ Feb 17 2023
My family has a pony we call Mayoβ¦
and sometimes mayonnaise.
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︎ Mar 21 2023
This has my seal of approval
π︎ 4k
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︎ Dec 27 2022
Today I learned that Ronnie James Dio has a brother who also plays music.
They recently came out as a woman. It's Ronnie's trans sister Ray Dio.
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︎ Mar 22 2023
Has to be THE most famous pup, becauseβ¦
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︎ Mar 24 2023
What do you call an Italian who has been dead for a while?
π︎ 55
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︎ Feb 23 2023
What do you call a fish that has no eyes?
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︎ Mar 31 2023
A mammal has hair and produce milk, right?
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︎ Mar 23 2023
Now that Finland has joined NATOβ¦
I guess Russia will never cross the Finnish lineβ¦
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︎ Apr 01 2023
What TV show has the worst pilot?
Lost. They crashed the plane in the first episode.
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︎ Apr 03 2023
My brother Jay has always wanted to name his kids after him.
When his wife gave birth to twin girls, I suggested Kay and Elle.
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︎ Mar 22 2023
coffee has a tough time at my house
every morning, it gets mugged
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︎ Apr 02 2023
Our oldest has been obsessed with the new God of War. When he got home from school, I said "did you hear that they have two more games planned?"
His face lit up and he asked "really?"
"Yeah, the follow-ups to Ragnarok: Ragnapaper and Ragnascissors."
He is currently not speaking to me.
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︎ Nov 17 2022
What has 8 legs and three teeth?
The night crew at the Waffle House.
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︎ Apr 01 2023
Did you know that Stephen King has a son? His name is Joe
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︎ Feb 13 2023
What starts with a W, and has 3 letters, but ends with a T.
Yes.
Spoiler: "What" starts with a W. "And" has 3 letters. "But" ends with a T.
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︎ Nov 29 2022
Did you know that Stephen King has a son named Joe?
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︎ Feb 07 2023
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