Olive Bar Pun
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OpenSourcePro
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
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Comic sans walks into a bar

The bartender says, β€œwe don’t serve your type”

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheManCaveGamer2
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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A heavily pregnant woman walks into a bar

A heavily pregnant woman walks into a bar in the middle of summer and orders a big glass of ice water. "Boy it's a scorcher out there," she says to the bartender. "Sometimes I wonder if it is too hot for the little guy in here." "Oh I wouldn't worry about it," the bartender replies. "It's probably just womb temperature."

πŸ‘︎ 334
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Firegoat1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
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A blind man walks into a bar

And then a table... And then a chair...

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geb69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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Two big girls walk into a bar

Two big girls walk into a bar

They order drinks, in a thick accent.

"You two ladies from Ireland?" asks the bartender.

Offended, one of them replies *"Wales!"*

"Oh I'm so sorry," says the bartender, "Are you two whales from Ireland?"

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KillerTomatoes6
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
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3 guys walk into a bar..

..and the 4th one ducks.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thelittlesthobo01
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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A man walks into a bar with a mysterious box under his arms.

Bartender: "Hold on there buddy, what's in the box?"

Man: "I'll show you if you give me a free drink

The bartender agrees and the man lifts the lid of the box to show a tiny man, who starts playing an equally tiny piano.

Bartender: "That's amazing! Where did you find him?"

Man: "There's a genie outside granting free wishes. But if you go out there, be sure to speak up, because I think he is hard of hearing."

Bartender: "Why do you say that?"

Man: "Do you think I would've wished for a twelve-inch pianist?"

Disclaimer: Not original.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iNeedHealing24_7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
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A woman walks into a bar. β€œI’ll have an entendre,” she says to the bartender. β€œMake it a double.”

So he gave it to her.

πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gingi0
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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Well, this one hit the bar
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SassyCutlet
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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"A guy walks into a bar...

and he was disqualified from the limbo contest."

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PersonWalker
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
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Jeff, a semi colon, and an Oxford comma walk into a bar.

They both have a great time.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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What do you call someone that visits a lot of bars?

A bar attender

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSilverFudge
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
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So a bear walks into a bar.

The bear says to the bartender, β€œI’ll get a whiskey and a....... A beer.”

The bartender says, β€œSure man, but what’s with the big pause?”

The bear would reply, β€œI don’t know, man. I was born with them.”

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/5x13
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
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Freddie Mercury, Bruno Mars and Venus Williams all walk into the same bar.

But they didn't planet.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iNeedHealing24_7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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Was in a bar when this guy said to me, β€œI’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar!” I shot back...

β€œIs that a fret?!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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2 dogs walked in a bar...

It was yappy hour.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
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An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Can I get you a drink?"

"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"

"How about something to eat?"

"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"

"What about some peanuts?"

"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"

The anteater replies, "I was born with it!"

πŸ‘︎ 174
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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Two larger women walked into a bar and requested drinks in a hard UK accent.

The bartender asked are you ladies from Ireland? The girls smiled and said Wales. The bartender replied are you two whales from Ireland?

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
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A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink

The bartender says for you no charge

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Passthesyrupbro
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
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Past present and future walk into a bar

It was a tense moment.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr-sharkey97
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender exclaims, β€œwow I’ve never served a weasel before!

What can I get for you bud?”

β€œPop” goes the weasel

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WaitQuick
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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A pirate walk into a bar

The bartender comes to him and says 'you look different now, is anything wrong'

Pirate: 'Oh nothing'

'What about your leg, where did it go'

'I boarded a ship, slipped and it got eaten by a shark'

'What about the hook, where did the hand go'

'I lost it in a heated swordfight'

'Then how did you get the eyepatch'

'I was cleaning the deck and a bird pooped in it'

'That doesn't make any sense, how can you get an eyepatch from a bird pooping in your eye'

'It was my first day with the hook'

πŸ‘︎ 257
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brony_kid
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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What's a chocolate bars preferred gender pronoun?

Her/she

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BamaPaul
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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What pronouns do chocolate bars use?

Her/she!

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sub_Urban_Skunk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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I've served too long behind bars, I didn't choose this life

But anyway, what can I get ya?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brillmedal
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
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Policeman taking a witness statement from the waiter after a shooting at a vegan bar..

Policeman: Can you describe the shooter? Waiter: 6 feet, white male, grey shirt and a skirt made of parsley. P: Parsley? W: Yes. It was just a herb he wore.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LateralAxes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink

He tells the bartender, β€œput it on my bill”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bakedlogik
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you.

That’s the punch line.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/American_Spud
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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Two Deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says

β€œI can’t believe I blew 40 bucks in there”

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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Why does the norway navy have bar codes on the sides of its ships.

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian.

πŸ‘︎ 494
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πŸ‘€︎ u/worthrone11160606
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says

β€œFive beers, please”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sheikh_potato
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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What happens when a commander walks into a bar?

He orders everyone around.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jgfum
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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A horse walks into a bar... the bartender asks, β€œwhy the long face?”

The horse, not being able to comprehend human language, promptly shits on the floor and leaves.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFitBit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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Helium walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."

Helium just didn't react.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
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A piece of string walks into a bar

Immediately the bartender tells him to get out "We don't serve pieces of string here!"

The piece of string is a bit disappointed, but has an idea. He ruffles his top and returns to the bar.

"I told you to get out. We don't serve pieces of string here!" said the bartender

The string replies "A piece of string ?? I'm a frayed knot!"

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LayThatPipe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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Sherlock Holmes walks into a bar

Sherlock Holmes walks into a bar and orders an IPA. "I've earned this, I just finished my tax return," he tells the bartender. "Luckily I'm getting tons of cash back, thanks to all my brilliant deductions."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Firegoat1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
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A long time bachelor met a girl in a bar with a glass eye.

As she sat down next to him her glass eye fell to the floor next to his stoll. He picked it up and handed it back to her.

They chatted all night and hit it off pretty well and eventually started dating.

One day while lying in bed, he turns to her and asks:

"Why me? Out of all the guys that were at the bar that night, why did you choose me?"

She looked at him surprised and said:

"Well, you caught my eye."

πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealitiesOfWar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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A man walked into a bar and said,

β€œOuch!”

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moonpies4everyone
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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A man enters a bar....

A man dressed in rubber boots, orange overalls, yellow hard hat with a light on, blacked up face and a canary on his shoulder walks into a pub. The whole pub goes silent and everyone stares at him for a few seconds then carries on what they were doing. It was only a miner distraction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bob9109
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
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What gender pronouns does a chocolate bar use?

Her/she.

πŸ‘︎ 515
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theman_themyth_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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One guy walks into a bar. Then another, and another

You'd think one of them would see it coming

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moose_Winchester
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
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A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.

He orders a drink, and asks for the check.

Duck billed platypus.

Edit: Thanks guys.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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My neighborhood bar, there's a girl from Anchorage who works there. Another barfly asks me where she's from....

(Jersey accent) I don't know, Alaska.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JSNhova
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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A median and a mode walk into a bar.

The bartender says, β€œI’m glad you ditched your friend. He’s mean.”

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
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Comic Sans walks into a bar

The bartender says "I'm sorry, but we don't serve your type here"

πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toku-Nation
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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A blind man walks into a bar

And a table, and a chair

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Echo_The_God
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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A blind guy walked into a bar...

And then a chair, and then a table

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Birbboips4
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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The past, the present and the future all walk into a bar.

It was very tense.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cuddlemath
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
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Why does the Norwegian Navy put bar codes on the sides of their ships?

So when they get back to port they can Scandinavian!

πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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A blind man walked into a bar...

Then into a table... and then into a chair!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IHateZucchinis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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