Bar Puns

They both have a great time.

He orders a drink, and asks for the check.

Duck billed platypus.

Edit: Thanks guys.

The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"

"Is this stool taken?"

Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"

He was a little drunk.

The bartender yelled “AU, get outta here”

AU!

Milky way

The bartender says we don't serve food here

The rabbit says “I think there is a typo”

The bartender says, “I’m glad you ditched your friend. He’s mean.”

Which was really strange, since I'd thought that I had left her at home looking after the kids.

So when they get back to port, they can Scandinavian

"I'm sorry for what my friend said, I would like to a-pollen-gise"

The difference is staggering

Barkeep: I'm sorry, but we don't serve miners here.

I told him not to fret.

"... and one for the road."

The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by René Descartes.

But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

When he went to pay for his drinks, the bartender said 'no charge'

Pun in, ten dead.

A physics textbook book walks into a bar and asks for a bottle of whiskey. The bartender looks up and says, “Sure pal, it looks like you have a lot of problems.”

And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”

Singapore!

A guy walks into a bar and is surprised to see his family doctor there, so he walks over to join him. "What a coincidence!" the guy says. "I was just saying earlier today that I really needed a doctor's appointment." The doctor pulls up his calendar on his phone and says, "Well, how about 10 tomorrow?" "No," the guy replies. "I don't need that many."

Look at all these studs!

And then another and another and another

....and the barman says, "Oh God, not U2 again!!"

A rope walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender scowls and says “We don’t serve ropes in here!”

The rope stares back and says “I’m not a rope!”

Flabbergasted the bartender says “You’re not?!”

To which the rope replies “No, I’m a frayed knot”

He asks for a Pint of Beer.

The bartender says: 'That'll be $4.85'

Then the bartender says: 'We don't get many gorillas in here'

The gorilla replies: 'With these prices, I'm not surprised'

they stay there.

then a table, and a chair

“Ya, I’m positive.”

I wasn't sure if it was her or the beer talking.

So he gives it to her.

String: "I'm a frayed knot."

He asked the bartender for a beer, and one for the road.

He hits his head and falls to the floor. He's the worse doing the limbo.

...Mitzvah.

Is this stool taken?

"Is this stool taken?"

Ouch

He asks, "is the bartender here"?

The bartender says "AU get out of here!"

The barman says 'Oh god, not U2 again...'