A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.
He orders a drink, and asks for the check.
Duck billed platypus.
Edit: Thanks guys.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the paper towel?"
The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"
I met my wife at a singles bar...
Which was really strange, since I'd thought that I had left her at home looking after the kids.
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer
The bartender says we don't serve food here
Why does the Norwegian navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?
So when they get back to port, they can Scandinavian
It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the bar, but a 45 minute walk from the bar to my house...
The difference is staggering
A blind man walked into a bar
then a table, and a chair
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, ..."
"... and one for the road."
Two atoms walk into a bar, one says to the other “Dang, I left my electrons in the car.” The other replies, “Are you sure?”
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "You are in here a lot, do you think you have a drinking problem?"
The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.
This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by René Descartes.
But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink?"
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge".
Gold walks into a bar
The bartender says "AU get out of here!"
A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a rum..............and coke."
"Why the big pause?" asks the bartender. The bear shrugged, "I'm not sure, I was born with them"
An epidemiologist, a scientist and a doctor walk into a bar...
...just kidding, they know better.
World limbo champion walks into a bar
He was instantly disqualified
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says
The past, present, and future walked into a bar...
A pirate walked into a bar. He had a steering wheel in his pants.
He said to the bartender, “Arr, it’s driving me nuts!”
A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar
The bartender said "I'll serve you, BUT DON'T START ANYTHING!"
What’s a girl’s favorite candy bar?
A pirate walks into a bar, wearing a steering wheel as a belt buckle...
Bartender says, "Hey pirate...what's with the steering wheel belt buckle?"
Pirate replies, "Arrrrrrrrrrrrgh! It's drivin' me nuts!"
I don’t like candy bars anymore
They always Snicker at me
I can't find my limbo bar. Someone must have stolen it!
I mean, how low can you go?
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
A sperm donor, Carpenter, and Julius Caesar walked into a bar
... He came, he saw, he conquered
A bossy man walks into a bar
And orders everybody a round
What happened when the ghost asked for a whiskey at his local bar?
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve spirits here."
A pun walks into a bar and kills ten people.
A man called Bart walks into a club and the man behind the bar shoots him.
He goes “ they don’t call me the Bartender for nothing”
A German guy walks into a bar and asks for a Martini. The barman asks "dry"?
The guy says "no, just the one"
Freddie Mercury, Bruno Mars, and Venus Williams all walk into the same bar.
David Hasselhoff walked into a bar and ordered a drink.
“It’s a pleasure to serve you, Mr. Hasselhoff”, said the bartender.
“Just call me Hoff”, he replied.
“Sure”, said the bartender, “no hassle”.
An old man and a whale entered in a bar.
'Who's your whale pal?' the bartender asked.
The Old man seemed annoyed and replied,
' I don't know. Maybe Dick'.
A snake walks into a bar...
Bar tender goes, how’d you do that?
Why was covid not allowed into a bar?
A roman walks into a bar and holds up 2 fingers.
"I'll take 5 beers, please " he said.
A man walk into a bar.....*
Lucky bastard.
*This joke brought to you by the year 2020.
A German Family consisting of a Mom, Dad, 8-year-old son, and 6-year-old daughter walk into a bar.
The Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your kind here."
Turkey walks into a bar. The bartender looks a little confused and asks "who are you?" Turkey replied "I'm a wild turkey." Bartender replied "oh we have a drink named after you!"
Turkey says "blulululu awesome, bring me a Kevin!"
Cocktail Bar
A woman walks into a cocktail bar and asked for a double entendre - so the barman gave her one.
A man wearing a tie fastner walks into the bar.
The barman says, "We don't like your tie pin here. "
The future, the present and the past walked into a bar,
Things got a little tense.
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer.
A termite walks into a bar
and asks “Is the bar tender here?”
Freddie Mercury, Bruno Mars and Venus Williams walk into a bar
A sperm, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
A skeleton walks into a bar
"I will have a beer and a mop."
A bear walks into a bar
He orders a large coke......... and a rum. The Bartender says, “hey, why the big pause”. The bear says “I don’t know, I was born with them”
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