My wife was telling me I am of average intelligence.

Now that’s just mean.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ballsquancher
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?"

"For drinking." replies the cop.

"Great" says the man. "When do we start?"

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I am addicted to seaweed....

I must seek kelp.

πŸ‘︎ 150
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
This occurred to me at 1 am and I’ve never been more proud
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Captain_Cookiez
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
People say that I am self-centred

But that's enough about them

πŸ‘︎ 144
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheViralClovers
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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Batma'am.
πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I am Buzz Aldrin. Second man to step on the moon

Neil before me

πŸ‘︎ 135
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I am thinking of pursuing a career in crowd estimation.

I wonder how many people are in that field.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Would better fit here, original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/kq35tq/shitpost_because_its_3_am_and_i_should_be_sleeping/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LatcuTM
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Would better fit here, [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/kq35tq/shitpost_because_its_3_am_and_i_should_be_sleeping/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LatcuTM
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I am proud of this one.

https://preview.redd.it/u3mj4w434h661.png?width=291&format=png&auto=webp&s=ce2d07bde9cdea18b369e70a17a728db8062b622

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I am dyslexic and have OCD

It's my favourite FPS video game.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Is everyone here as tired as I am of the quiet Hawaiian a low ha joke?

If only that joke wasn't aloud.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
2 of our friends came over at around 1 AM and to be honest, I was a bit embarrassed to let them in

Hadn’t cleaned the house all year

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the1nonlyevilelmo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I have 6 legs, 8 arms, and 10 heads. What am I?

A liar.

πŸ‘︎ 478
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cosh1990
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbor says I’m trespassing. I’m unsure if I am or not.

I’m on the fence.

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tdrusk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m at wedding and I’m very thirsty so I am walking all around the whole ballroom looking for something to drink.

I can’t find the punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm a real big fan of cars. I guess you could say I am..

A MotΓΆrhead.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BestWest45
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
My dad asked me yesterday "Noah, am I a good dad"

I responded with "My name's Ron"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImPickleRickFunny
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I am from the future
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/squidwardtron
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Whenever I am in doubt, I resort to using my calculator.

I can always count on it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theRiverknows86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I am afraid of elevators

Which is why I take steps to avoid them

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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I am ok'nt
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Plasma--kun
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I am waiting to recover from injuries caused by a small sharp tool:

Time heals awl wounds.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I am a proud dad today - my son ask me what this Indian bread on top of the fridge is for

I told him it’s Naan of his business

Edit: he could have replied β€œpapa dumb”

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PLUMBUM2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Wow, I can’t believe I didn’t know this sub existed. I gotta say, I am a HUGE FAN!
πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AliTheHigh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I am trying to convince my dad to get a new hearing aid.

But he just won’t listen.

πŸ‘︎ 188
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
If I’m a millionth of myself what am I?

ΞΌ

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElZoof
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Yes, I am Christian; no, I can't tell you more about it.

Only my wife gets to enjoy my missionary position.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I am not a dad, so I can’t tell dad jokes

To do so would be a faux pa...

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy Jerry had to get taken to the hospital, unfortunately it looked like he needed to be operated on. He was unconscious and when he came to, he asked β€œwhat’s going to happen, am I going to be alright?”

I told him; β€˜Surgery’.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BostonFan69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I cant see why I am posting this, no one else will see this post
πŸ‘︎ 209
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DawnofX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I figured out why I am so shy and awkward

A main part of my body is called the nervous system

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pokebandit91
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I posted this on r/memes a while ago and it didn't blow up or somthing. I am just so proud of this it makes me laugh every time
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/or2072
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
"Ivanka... I am your father."

-Taxi Vader

πŸ‘︎ 418
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/le672
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Before I die I am going to eat a whole bag of unpopped popcorn.

Just to make the cremation process a little bit more interesting.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/b_wanker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I am scared of small, festive grottos.

I am Santa Claustrophobic

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I am finally ready to accept applications for my deer cloning business...

It's for anyone looking to make a quick buck.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shercroft
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
i am deaf on both ears after working at the metal factory

I guess heavy metal is not good for my ears

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I am sure you've heard of Murphy's Law, but have you heard of Cole's Law?

It is thinnly sliced cabbage.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I am baffled that the cashier is out of change.

Makes no cents.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/upsidedownqbert
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Ok guys, I am about to tell a joke!

Well, here goes nothing...

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/somerandomboi2507
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
How am I supposed to find the Big Apple?

I don’t even know where the Minneapolis!

πŸ‘︎ 84
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lacazadora66
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My 6 year old daughter set up a party and led me to the registration sheet. It said "Sine here". Now I am wondering if there is another sheet that says "Cosine there".

Sorry for going on a tangent

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
OC - I am not great at imitation in drawing, though
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hypeeveryoneup
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I am trying to convince my dad to get a new hearing aid.

But he just won’t listen.

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I am Buzz Aldrin. Second man to step on the moon.

Neil before me.

πŸ‘︎ 27k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mooshoopork4
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report

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