My wife was telling me I am of average intelligence.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Dec 25 2020
A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?"
"For drinking." replies the cop.
"Great" says the man. "When do we start?"
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Dec 08 2020
I am addicted to seaweed....
π︎ 150
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︎ Jan 10 2021
This occurred to me at 1 am and Iβve never been more proud
π︎ 16
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︎ Jan 04 2021
People say that I am self-centred
But that's enough about them
π︎ 144
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︎ Jan 12 2021
Batma'am.
π︎ 32
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︎ Dec 27 2020
I am Buzz Aldrin. Second man to step on the moon
π︎ 135
π
︎ Dec 13 2020
I am thinking of pursuing a career in crowd estimation.
I wonder how many people are in that field.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
Would better fit here, original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/kq35tq/shitpost_because_its_3_am_and_i_should_be_sleeping/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
π︎ 10
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︎ Jan 05 2021
Would better fit here, [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/kq35tq/shitpost_because_its_3_am_and_i_should_be_sleeping/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 04 2021
I am proud of this one.
https://preview.redd.it/u3mj4w434h661.png?width=291&format=png&auto=webp&s=ce2d07bde9cdea18b369e70a17a728db8062b622
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
I am dyslexic and have OCD
It's my favourite FPS video game.
π︎ 31
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
Is everyone here as tired as I am of the quiet Hawaiian a low ha joke?
If only that joke wasn't aloud.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
2 of our friends came over at around 1 AM and to be honest, I was a bit embarrassed to let them in
Hadnβt cleaned the house all year
π︎ 24
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
I have 6 legs, 8 arms, and 10 heads. What am I?
π︎ 478
π
︎ Nov 02 2020
My neighbor says Iβm trespassing. Iβm unsure if I am or not.
π︎ 53
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︎ Dec 18 2020
Iβm at wedding and Iβm very thirsty so I am walking all around the whole ballroom looking for something to drink.
I canβt find the punchline.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
I'm a real big fan of cars. I guess you could say I am..
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
My dad asked me yesterday "Noah, am I a good dad"
I responded with "My name's Ron"
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
I am from the future
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
Whenever I am in doubt, I resort to using my calculator.
I can always count on it.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
I am afraid of elevators
Which is why I take steps to avoid them
π︎ 16
π
︎ Dec 26 2020
I am ok'nt
π︎ 15
π
︎ Nov 23 2020
I am waiting to recover from injuries caused by a small sharp tool:
π︎ 12
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
I am a proud dad today - my son ask me what this Indian bread on top of the fridge is for
I told him itβs Naan of his business
Edit: he could have replied βpapa dumbβ
π︎ 42
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︎ Dec 01 2020
Wow, I canβt believe I didnβt know this sub existed. I gotta say, I am a HUGE FAN!
π︎ 84
π
︎ Nov 01 2020
I am trying to convince my dad to get a new hearing aid.
But he just wonβt listen.
π︎ 188
π
︎ Nov 10 2020
If Iβm a millionth of myself what am I?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
Yes, I am Christian; no, I can't tell you more about it.
Only my wife gets to enjoy my missionary position.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
I am not a dad, so I canβt tell dad jokes
To do so would be a faux pa...
π︎ 21
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︎ Dec 19 2020
My buddy Jerry had to get taken to the hospital, unfortunately it looked like he needed to be operated on. He was unconscious and when he came to, he asked βwhatβs going to happen, am I going to be alright?β
I told him; βSurgeryβ.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Dec 28 2020
I cant see why I am posting this, no one else will see this post
π︎ 209
π
︎ Oct 18 2020
I figured out why I am so shy and awkward
A main part of my body is called the nervous system
π︎ 25
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
I posted this on r/memes a while ago and it didn't blow up or somthing. I am just so proud of this it makes me laugh every time
π︎ 24
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︎ Nov 02 2020
"Ivanka... I am your father."
π︎ 418
π
︎ Sep 29 2020
Before I die I am going to eat a whole bag of unpopped popcorn.
Just to make the cremation process a little bit more interesting.
π︎ 29
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
I am scared of small, festive grottos.
I am Santa Claustrophobic
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
I am finally ready to accept applications for my deer cloning business...
It's for anyone looking to make a quick buck.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
i am deaf on both ears after working at the metal factory
I guess heavy metal is not good for my ears
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 05 2020
I am sure you've heard of Murphy's Law, but have you heard of Cole's Law?
It is thinnly sliced cabbage.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
I am baffled that the cashier is out of change.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 08 2020
Ok guys, I am about to tell a joke!
Well, here goes nothing...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
How am I supposed to find the Big Apple?
I donβt even know where the Minneapolis!
π︎ 84
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
My 6 year old daughter set up a party and led me to the registration sheet. It said "Sine here". Now I am wondering if there is another sheet that says "Cosine there".
Sorry for going on a tangent
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 21 2020
OC - I am not great at imitation in drawing, though
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
I am trying to convince my dad to get a new hearing aid.
But he just wonβt listen.
π︎ 55
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
I am Buzz Aldrin. Second man to step on the moon.
π︎ 27k
π
︎ May 16 2020
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