With a pandemic happening, I said to my nurse friend: "Stay safe!"
Their response: “You, too; stay negative!"
In these dark times were everything is closed down DFS closing down sale is actually happening
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
You know, with everything that’s happening so far in 2020...
You’d think someone would have seen it coming
The election is happening in November and Trump will be bragging about the 30 foot wall he built on the Mexican border.
But he probably should have made it much longer than that.
I sea what's happening here
Last year, my wife was so angry that I forgot to buy her a Christmas present, but that's not happening this time, because I bought her present two months ago! It's all wrapped up, sitting under the tree, waiting for her on Christmas Day!!
She's going to love these flowers!
Just saw an sex crime happening
But dont worry, i called the fucking police
Going to be a dad officially in a month... I think the change is happening.
Went to visit the in-laws, and as soon as we walk in the door
Mother-in-law: So, JustAPaddy, what are you upto?
Me: Oh, about 6'1"
My father-in-law laughed hard and pats me on the shoulder, we are the only two that laughed... my wife and MIL groaned
Have you seen what's happening in Syria?
Things are beginning to get Syrias.
There's not just one, but TWO track and field workshops happening at my school today.
How do they have so much to discus?!
What did the Gorilla say when he saw there was a sale happening?
How would two skyscrapers stop an unwanted pregnancy from happening?
Dad explains to mum what's happening in Nepal.
Mum: "What on earth is going on with the earthquake in Nepal?!?"
Dad: "The earth is quaking".
Mum: "Sigh".
Oh no, it's happening.
Girlfriend says nice butt. "Thanks I grew it myself".
It's happening...
Upon arrival home from my girlfriend and I seeing Thor
Roommate: "Hey guys. How was the movie?"
Me: "It was good. Pretty Loki night."
What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?
So this happened today... this is why I love Reddit.
What happens if a cat wins a dog competition during a tornado?
Chad asks his friend, "What would happen if all the women in the world disappeared?"
His friend replied, "That would be a pain in the ass."
What happens when you boil a funny bone?
It turns into a laughing stock
What happened to all the perfect vision puns this year?
What happens when you drive a Subaru in reverse?
What happens when the U.S. Mint stops producing currency?
I don’t know, it makes no sense.
What happened when Santa didn't pay to park his sleigh?
This happens way too often
What will happen if your kid comes out as a trans?
What happened to the parrot after it froze to death?
It ended up in parrot-ice.
You know what happened to the guy who wanted to use "MyDick" as his password?
The Website told him that he can't do it because his password is "too short"
What happens, when a doctor catches a disease, that he already found the cure for?
He gets a taste of his own medicine.
What happens to a turtle when it dies?
It goes into riga-tortoise
What happens when you drop a steak on the floor?
I have been reading some history on the French revolution and found out what happened to Louis XVI's head
Do you know what happens when you play a country record backwards?
Your truck comes back, your wife comes back, your dog comes back, your trailer isn’t flooded...
What happens when you unintentionally step on a duck
What happens to elements after they die?
What happens when a frog gets a concussion?
It becomes a foggy froggy.
What happened when the girl didn’t pay her exorcist
What happens to frogs that park illegally?
They get toad.
Edit: this content is unoriginal
This happened with me today morning. My phone's headphone jack isn't working so I asked my dad what to do about it.
He said, "Let's get a headphone Jill, then!"
What happened to Betty Crocker?
What happened when the dog went to the Flea circus?
If I happened to run into you, and fall on you perpendicularly,
Would you be cross with me?
What happens when CIA goes to sleep?
What happens when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence?
What happens when you fart in church?
Not a joke, but this just happened...
Took a really big dab (weed) and was coughing my brains out, which caused the following conversation between me and my wife:
Wife: "Are you going to make it?"
Me: "Nope.. Cough Hack ..You're gonna... cough ..be a... Hack hack ..widow!"
Wife: "Nooo, you can't die!"
Me: Hack "And I don't even.. cough ..have.. hack ...life insurance!" cough hack cough
Wife: "Wife Insurance?? What is that - If I break can you swap me out for a new one?? Do you mean a pre-nup??"
My body couldn't figure out what the fuck to do. Cough, Laugh, it even got confused and farted. Fucking hilarious.
What happens when an apple experiences unrequited love?
What happens when you call 119 instead of 911?
The cop car comes in reverse
Did you hear what happened to the man who stole the advent calendar?
What happened when the ghost asked for a whiskey at his local bar?
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve spirits here."
What happened to the turkey that got in a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What would happen if Iran became communist?
what happens when "N" goes to bed?
What happened to the guy whose left side was cut off?
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
Just happened: my contractor broke a window during our nearly complete renovation
He turned to me and said it's no problem. At this stage it's just a pane.
Did you hear what happened to the Americans when they changed to Kilograms from Pounds?
There was a mass confusion.
What happened when the cannibal showed up late to dinner?
They gave him the cold shoulder
Did you hear about what happened your sweaty uncle?
He has a wife now, and her name is Aunty Perspirant
What happens when chickens lay eggs at the top of a hill?
What happens before a tsunami of ducks
This has been a crazy year. After everything that has happened though do you want to know the one thing that I can’t get over ?
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
What happened when the cow jumped over the barbed wire fence
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
