(Warning: Morbid dad joke) True Story -- My family were planning my mum's funeral. We always try to keep things light and try to stay positive, just as Mum would have it...
The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit--
I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit--
Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
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︎ May 12 2021
This is the last thing I need
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︎ Apr 24 2021
I ended things with my communist girlfriend.
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︎ Apr 10 2021
Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won't leave you broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3), won't reject you (John 6:37), and won't leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).
In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.
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︎ May 08 2021
Whenever my artistic girlfriend is sad, I let her draw things on my body....
I gave her a shoulder to crayon.
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︎ Apr 12 2021
Whatβs the worst thing about having a job at the unemployment office?
If you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
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︎ Mar 31 2021
The hardest thing about wrapping paper is...
Not many words rhyme with βpaperβ.
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︎ Apr 24 2021
A reporter interviewed a 103-year old woman: βAnd what is the best thing about being 103?β the reporter asked.
The woman simply replied, βNo peer pressure.β
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︎ Feb 12 2021
There are two things I hate in this world...
Hypocrites and people who hate other people
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︎ May 06 2021
You know, one good thing came out of quarantine
All my jokes became inside jokes
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︎ May 04 2021
When 2 things just work together perfectly they're a
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︎ Apr 05 2021
My doctor says that when you die, your pupils are the last thing to go.
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︎ Feb 18 2021
One thing I'll never do is tell dad jokes
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︎ Apr 13 2021
My wife and I received nothing from our wedding guests but colanders. There musta been 500 of the damned thing.
It really put a strain on our marriage.
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︎ May 04 2021
Whatβs the best thing about Switzerland?
I donβt know but their flag is a big plus
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︎ May 04 2021
My three favorite things are eating my family
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︎ May 06 2021
Am so good at pushing things off that am now a PRO.
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︎ May 07 2021
How does a computer learn things?
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︎ Apr 04 2021
Every morning, I like to stand in front of a mirror and think about all the good things I've done.
It's just a moment of reflection.
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︎ May 10 2021
whatβs the worst thing about having an apple addiction?
you canβt see a doctor about it
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︎ Apr 20 2021
The last thing my dad said to me before he kicked the bucket?
I wonder how far I can kick this bucket
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︎ Apr 07 2021
Things dads say...
Dads love saying βthat was fastβ when someone leaves but returns straight away because they forgot something.
Dads love answering the phone βyelllllowβ.
Dads love saying βthey donβt make things like they used toβ whenever something breaks.
Dads love teaching kids how to play 52 card pickup.
Dads love saying βwhatβs the damageβ when handed a bill for something.
Dads love saying βpull my fingerβ and farting when you do.
Dads love saying βJeez Louise!β.
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︎ Apr 13 2021
What language do things that fly in the sky speak....
Plane english
My 6yo laid this one on me and I hadn't heard it before so thought it might be enjoyed here
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︎ May 01 2021
Why can't politicians cut things?
Because you don't run with scissors
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︎ Apr 29 2021
There was a guy who was really, really good at throwing things.
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︎ May 06 2021
I hope that the universe keeps on expanding forever so all the heat runs out some day. It means that eventually things are gonna be 0 K
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︎ Apr 08 2021
What's Elsa's favorite thing about lockdown during covid?
Ice-o-lation
My 9yr old came up with this one all by herself while watching Frozen.
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︎ Apr 26 2021
If thereβs one thing I canβt stand to do...
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︎ Apr 16 2021
Being on a diet has pushed me to do some very regrettable things. For example, last week my wife caught me cheating with 5 guys.
Their burgers are simply irresistible
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︎ Apr 28 2021
Do you know whats the best thing about dead batteries?
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︎ Feb 20 2021
Do you think glass coffins will ever be a thing?
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︎ Mar 28 2021
Just tycoon things
As a real estate tycoon from a young age, I have always had an inexplicable, unfightable, almost erotic desire for the huge, residential apartment buildings that I've owned, towering over me and the whole city. My psychiatrist says the reason for this is because...
...I've always had complexes.
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︎ Apr 22 2021
The great thing about 'reddit' is that it tells you when you've finished reading it
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︎ Mar 29 2021
I have a fetish for figuring things out
I just came to that realization.
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︎ Mar 19 2021
Jay Leno went to Morgan Freemanβs house and had a lot of drinks. Leno suddenly started to urinate on Freemanβs carpet. Freeman was furious and ran after him as he kept on urinating. The banker next door saw the whole thing and decided to start a bank...
Kids, that is the true story of how Jay-pee-Morgan-chase was named
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︎ Apr 30 2021
whatβs the worst thing about a job at a shooting range?
if youβre promoted, youβll still be fired.
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︎ Mar 31 2021
Whatβs the worst thing thatβll happen to the Gaetz household if he gets busted?
His son will end up an empty Nestor.
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︎ Mar 31 2021
So, a thing happened at work.....
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︎ Mar 21 2021
Which is the bird that can do the things that you can do, as well?
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︎ Apr 10 2021
She must aMENd things
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︎ Mar 07 2021
Some things transcend languages
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︎ Mar 20 2021
Whats the one thing in life you can always count on?
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︎ Apr 20 2021
Whatβs the best thing to ever come from Oklahoma?
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︎ Apr 16 2021
Whats the thing your teacher can say in classroom and bedroom
It's wet so we are eating inside
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︎ Apr 07 2021
Why are open doors good for storing things?
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︎ Apr 13 2021
The worst thing about being fired from the unemployment office
Is that you have go back the next day.
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︎ May 06 2021
Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad I let her draw things on my body
I gave her a shoulder to crayon
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︎ Apr 17 2021
Whenever my girlfriend is sad I let her draw things on my body
I gave her a shoulder to crayon...
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︎ Apr 16 2021
My doctor said that when you die, your pupils are the last thing to go....
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︎ Feb 18 2021
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