Pirate Ship Captain: I am desperate. Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals?
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
Her: Iβm leaving. I am sick of you wearing a different t shirt every half an hour.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Jan 23 2021
My wife was telling me I am of average intelligence.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Dec 25 2020
A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?"
"For drinking." replies the cop.
"Great" says the man. "When do we start?"
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Dec 08 2020
Am I wrong?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 25 2021
I am addicted to seaweed....
π︎ 148
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
"I am Buzz Aldrin, second man on the moon"
π︎ 61
π
︎ Jan 27 2021
Me: I am terrified of random letters
Therapist: You are?
Me: [Screams in horror]
Therapist: Oh, I see
Me: [Screams intensify]
π︎ 43
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
I am so broke.
I couldn't even pay attention.
π︎ 13
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︎ Feb 05 2021
I am a butcher by trade & yesterday I accidently backed into the meat grinder
I got a little behind in my work
π︎ 27
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
This occurred to me at 1 am and Iβve never been more proud
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 04 2021
People say that I am self-centred
But that's enough about them
π︎ 150
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
Batma'am.
π︎ 33
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
Is everyone here as tired as I am of the quiet Hawaiian a low ha joke?
If only that joke wasn't aloud.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
I have 6 legs, 8 arms, and 10 heads. What am I?
π︎ 483
π
︎ Nov 02 2020
I am working out for my body
But is it working out for me
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 02 2021
I am thinking of pursuing a career in crowd estimation.
I wonder how many people are in that field.
π︎ 28
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
Would better fit here, original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/kq35tq/shitpost_because_its_3_am_and_i_should_be_sleeping/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jan 05 2021
I am proud of this one.
https://preview.redd.it/u3mj4w434h661.png?width=291&format=png&auto=webp&s=ce2d07bde9cdea18b369e70a17a728db8062b622
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
I am dyslexic and have OCD
It's my favourite FPS video game.
π︎ 33
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
Would better fit here, [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/kq35tq/shitpost_because_its_3_am_and_i_should_be_sleeping/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 04 2021
2 of our friends came over at around 1 AM and to be honest, I was a bit embarrassed to let them in
Hadnβt cleaned the house all year
π︎ 25
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
Wife: Iβm exhausted. I was up until 4 AM with the baby.
Me: Itβs probably not a good idea to keep a baby up that late.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 22 2021
I am very expert when going to sleep.
I can do with my eyes closed.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 25 2021
My neighbor says Iβm trespassing. Iβm unsure if I am or not.
π︎ 51
π
︎ Dec 18 2020
I am trying to figure out whether that fuel tanker in front of me is full or not.
Your gas is as good as mine.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 29 2021
I'm a real big fan of cars. I guess you could say I am..
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
Iβm at wedding and Iβm very thirsty so I am walking all around the whole ballroom looking for something to drink.
I canβt find the punchline.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
My dad asked me yesterday "Noah, am I a good dad"
I responded with "My name's Ron"
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
I am from the future
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
I am ok'nt
π︎ 15
π
︎ Nov 23 2020
Whenever I am in doubt, I resort to using my calculator.
I can always count on it.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
Wow, I canβt believe I didnβt know this sub existed. I gotta say, I am a HUGE FAN!
π︎ 82
π
︎ Nov 01 2020
I am trying to convince my dad to get a new hearing aid.
But he just wonβt listen.
π︎ 191
π
︎ Nov 10 2020
I am so incredibly surprised by how easy it is to buy my shirts online...
I swear I nearly shipped my pants.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
I am afraid of elevators
Which is why I take steps to avoid them
π︎ 17
π
︎ Dec 26 2020
I am a proud dad today - my son ask me what this Indian bread on top of the fridge is for
I told him itβs Naan of his business
Edit: he could have replied βpapa dumbβ
π︎ 44
π
︎ Dec 01 2020
I am waiting to recover from injuries caused by a small sharp tool:
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
I cant see why I am posting this, no one else will see this post
π︎ 212
π
︎ Oct 18 2020
If Iβm a millionth of myself what am I?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
I am not a dad, so I canβt tell dad jokes
To do so would be a faux pa...
π︎ 20
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
"Ivanka... I am your father."
π︎ 416
π
︎ Sep 29 2020
My buddy Jerry had to get taken to the hospital, unfortunately it looked like he needed to be operated on. He was unconscious and when he came to, he asked βwhatβs going to happen, am I going to be alright?β
I told him; βSurgeryβ.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Dec 28 2020
Yes, I am Christian; no, I can't tell you more about it.
Only my wife gets to enjoy my missionary position.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
I am Buzz Aldrin. Second man to step on the moon
π︎ 137
π
︎ Dec 13 2020
I am trying to convince my dad to get a new hearing aid.
But he just wonβt listen.
π︎ 57
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
I am Buzz Aldrin. Second man to step on the moon.
π︎ 27k
π
︎ May 16 2020
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