Scared af
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bongnazi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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My flatmate and I are single AF so I got her flours for valentines day....
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpohieAuz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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Sketchy af
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TuxedoGremlin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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An angry Air Force Registered Nurse is mad AF RN.
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcdj
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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Cheesy af
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bongnazi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2018
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I drank so much gfuel that im HIGH af
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EqualZero
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
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AF stands for Absolute Respect.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/defucktive_potato
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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When Albert Finney finally got old he was old AF
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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Drunk af boi
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dill_on123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
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This cereal is soggy af
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ninja_Sushi_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2017
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Being positive facing 2018 is easy AF

You only have to lose an electron just before midnight.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kaspavicius
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2017
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He’ll be cutting your grass
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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What's that Italian dessert called where you pour espresso coffee over ice cream?

Everyone I ask can't remember either.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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My dad just told me this one: Two WiFi engineer friends of mine just got married.

The wedding was ok, but the reception was fantastic!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StefanE30325i
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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Field Dressing

Hey guys, relatively new dad here. Pretty proud of myself because this came naturally. My 7 mo daughter, wife and I were hiking yesterday. My daughter was strapped to the front of me, and she started to stink. We found a field to lay her on her changing mat and change her diaper. She had a complete explosion so it required an outfit change. I looked up at my wife and said β€œlooks like I’ll be performing a field dressing”. Corny af I know, but it made my wife laugh πŸ˜†!

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ty_diesel_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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My dad finally got to say the ultimate dad joke!

I was hungry af yesterday and I called my dad to buy something to eat

Me: Dad, I'm Hungry

Dad: Hey hungry, I'm dad!

All these years I was so cautious not to fall for it and yesterday was the first time my guard was lowered and he used the opportunity!

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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Wtf is an acronym.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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I really want to have my own vehicle

Too bad I can't af-ford one.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alecrainier
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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What do you call a Ford that is cheap?

Af"FORD"able

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FireDetection101
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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I wish I were a British fighter pilot

Those dudes are royal AF

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klinquist
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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Which branch of military is the most patriotic in the United States?

The Air Force, because they're US AF.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Noir_Reaper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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Financial Advice

Even if you can't af-Ford it, Holden onto a vintage car is fun.

(just in case I need to mention it: Ford & Holden are two car manufacturers who've been in Australia for a long time)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wilkgr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2018
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The assembly line...

I guess you could say it made transportation more afFORDable :)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pluviophile111
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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I am guilty of a dad joke

Trying to make it to the theater on time for a show, with my 12 year old daughter next to me, stuck behind a very slow-moving Cadillac Escalade. Suddenly I throw up some gang symbols and scream "Yo, move it, Escalade, befo things get... Escaladed!"

Daughter goes "omigod" and buries her face in her hands.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rupispupis
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2015
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The moment you find out you need 20:20 vision to be a pilot...

^#AirPlaneModeAF ;)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hellABunk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2018
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I wanted to buy a new Mustang, but it was too expensive.

I couldn't af-Ford it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2018
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My soon-to-be 6year old got me Good

So every night for the past almost 6 years I sing her the Sunshine Song

You know, "you are my Sunshine, my only sunshine."

And after a few years I got tired of it and would start songs from the nightmare before Christmas (because I'm a big elfman nerd) and Part of your world (because I'm completely obsessed with singing out of key chick verses and the little mermaid is dope af) but she would SCREAM anytime I started anything that wasn't the Sunshine song, I love this, so I go on for a couple bars while she's screaming then calm her down and sing the right song. To be fair, she likes the I'm On The Outside by boingo, so I belt that too. Although it's only acceptable in the car.

Now here I want to add that in the description of the event I will place a * where she interrupts me and the words immediately after that * will be her words.

Ok, so she's in bed just now and I said What song do you want me to sing?

Obvs sunshine dude.

So I start with the "look at this stuff, isn't it neat?"

And she's not screaming, she has a smile on her face so my mind is like "did she become ok with this, can I finally sing a different song than sunshine and eponas song?" So I keep going thinking that I finally won.

I get to the line, "Fliiping your fins, you won't get too **fart!"

I'm fucking dead this kid played me like a fiddle.

Someone call 911 I'm ded

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juksayer
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2018
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Overheard at a car dealership. "What kind of car do you have now?"

"I have a Wishitwasa."

Wishitwasa?

"Yeah, Wishitwasa Ferrari... Wishitwasa a Mercedes... Wishitwasa a Jaguar... a Wishitwasa."

Followed by a short sigh and, "I'll take whatever I can afFORD."

The ole' dad joke twofer.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/probablynotfamous
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2015
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My new bedroom

Its just so bear http://i.imgur.com/RuAfKJ0.jpg?1

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rawr24dinosawr
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2014
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Did Hillary just dad joke Trump? I think she did

Saw this on the news this morning. I'm not really into politics, but this is worthy of a mention: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfAfYA6MNtA

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vetokend
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2016
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Which branch of the United States military is the most patriotic?

The Air Force; they're US AF

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smithmonkey98
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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