50 Hilarious .as Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

A punny take on the coronavirus situation using movies/tv series as puns

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👤︎ u/Viv3K_Banerjee

📅︎ Apr 12 2020

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Does this count as pun?

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👤︎ u/zombeatZzZ

📅︎ Sep 19 2019

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So do you call person who's really good in pun as pun master?

Or a pundit? I think I spun it incorrectly.

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👤︎ u/sub_o

📅︎ Jul 23 2014

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Just started my new job as a security guard. The supervisor told me my job would be to watch the office at night.

I’m on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.

👍︎ 10k

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👤︎ u/FoldaHolda

📅︎ Apr 11 2021

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I identify as a man, my birth certificate says I’m a man, everybody I know says I’m a man...

and yet according to Kraft Dinner, I’m a 4-person family

👍︎ 9k

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👤︎ u/Jaxerfp

📅︎ Feb 28 2021

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My GF dressed up as a police woman and told me I was under arrest under the suspicion that I was good in bed c

After 3 mins all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence

👍︎ 806

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👤︎ u/avinash333bhat

📅︎ Apr 10 2021

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I just got fired, and as severance, my company gave me a bag of used coffee.

They said it was grounds for termination.

👍︎ 9k

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👤︎ u/jvlpdillon

📅︎ Feb 25 2021

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Wish I was as smooth! :(

👍︎ 429

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👤︎ u/PiccoloNeat

📅︎ Apr 11 2021

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I wasn't expecting to be diagnosed as colour blind.

It really came out of the purple.

👍︎ 11k

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👤︎ u/mrbadassmotherfucker

📅︎ Feb 02 2021

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As the cop knocked on my door, I just stayed in complete silence. He then knocked again. Determined not to give myself away, I just stayed still.

Cop: "Do you think I am stupid ? I can see you through the window."

Mee: "You are not coming in."

Cop: "I don't want to come in. I want you to step out of your car !!"

👍︎ 2k

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👤︎ u/VERBERD

📅︎ Mar 13 2021

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Just wondering, do you think it's alright for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are in school..

..or am I just a terrible Teacher ?

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👤︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2

📅︎ Apr 15 2021

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Yup I do as well

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👤︎ u/defntlynot_clp-e46

📅︎ Mar 29 2021

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I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker

But when I got home all the signs were there

👍︎ 8k

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👤︎ u/piemamamer

📅︎ Jan 08 2021

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I was confused as to how much lettuce to buy from the grocery store, so I called my wife.

Turns out two heads are better than one.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Mar 31 2021

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I sexually identify as chocolate

My pronouns are Her-She

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👤︎ u/RexDino1966

📅︎ Apr 19 2021

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Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....

And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.

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👤︎ u/VERBERD

📅︎ Apr 20 2021

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My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."

"A TOE TRUCK!!??"

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👤︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod

📅︎ Mar 24 2021

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One day is all I lasted as a Mailman. Turned up on time in my shiny new uniform, was a handed a letter and thought to myself..

..this isn't for me.

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👤︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2

📅︎ Mar 10 2021

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MY PARENTS RAISED ME AS AN ONLY CHILD

THIS REALLY ANNOYED MY YOUNGER SISTER.

👍︎ 24

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👤︎ u/globevoyager_in

📅︎ Apr 14 2021

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As we're driving through an industrial area, kid asks, "Why does this place smell terrible?"

Me: It's an olfactory response.

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👤︎ u/LateralAxes

📅︎ Apr 18 2021

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"Hats" should be spelled as "HATS"

Because it's all caps

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👤︎ u/Anukrit_Subedi

📅︎ Mar 30 2021

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As a patriot, I have decided to buy my next Honda directly from Japan and pay the necessary tariffs.

It will...be my Civic duty.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Apr 11 2021

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I hated my job as a bowling alley union rep

They were always having strikes

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👤︎ u/DapperDavidYT

📅︎ Apr 26 2021

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As I got out on the 11th floor, the lift operator said, "Have a good day son."

"Don't call me son, you're not my dad.!!" I said.

As the lift door closed, he looked me in the eye and said, "I brought you up, didn't I ?"

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👤︎ u/VERBERD

📅︎ Apr 01 2021

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I asked my mechanic why he was dressed as a female fox.

He said he was just vixen my car.

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👤︎ u/incredibleinkpen

📅︎ Apr 24 2021

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As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said...

"You know, one would have been enough."

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👤︎ u/LayThatPipe

📅︎ Mar 14 2021

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As I put my car in reverse, I thought to myself...

“This takes me back.”

👍︎ 11k

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👤︎ u/jonny1211

📅︎ Jan 03 2021

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I quit my job as a treadmill tester.

I just felt like I wasn’t going anywhere.

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👤︎ u/Texgymratdad

📅︎ Mar 15 2021

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Someone told me Trumps last order as president is to outlaw shredded cheese.

Hmm guess he wants to make America grate again 🤔

👍︎ 3k

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👤︎ u/Bradb717

📅︎ Jan 18 2021

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A policeman pulled me over the other day and started crying as he was writing me a traffic ticket. I asked him why was he crying?

He said it was because I committed a moving violation.

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👤︎ u/2donutkid2

📅︎ Feb 28 2021

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My wife suggested I do lunges as an exercise to get fitter during quarantine.

That sounds ...like a big step.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Apr 22 2021

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Did you know you can't use 'Beef Stew' as a password?

Apparently it's not stroganoff

👍︎ 60

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👤︎ u/BHMR5

📅︎ Mar 22 2021

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The other day I asked my dad why he chose window cleaning as a profession

He told me it was the only job he could see himself doing

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👤︎ u/YayGettel

📅︎ Mar 31 2021

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I just got fired from my job as a palaeontologist because I didn't recognise a female Stegosaurus.

In my defence I'd only ever dug up Tyrannosaurus Rex, so I'd never seen herbivore.

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👤︎ u/1901pies

📅︎ Apr 12 2021

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My daughter will have the same name as my wife

So when i call my wife for a beer, i‘ll have 2

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👤︎ u/erenjeager61

📅︎ Apr 26 2021

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As we drove past Ikea, my dad began one of his rants “Why do people want Swedish furniture? The fancy closet in my bedroom was built by a good ol’ fashioned local carpenter, none of this foreign import rubbish!” He was surprisingly vocal...

For a closet racist.

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👤︎ u/Dongwaffler

📅︎ Apr 24 2021

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Do not use “Beefstew” as your computer password

It’s not stroganoff

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👤︎ u/Corvette-Ronnie

📅︎ Mar 19 2021

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My son turned 21 today and as we were about to share our first drink together, I wisely advised him, "Remember, vodka may not be the answer!"

"But it’s worth a shot!"

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👤︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod

📅︎ Apr 05 2021

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As English my second language, pretty proud of this one.

👍︎ 4k

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👤︎ u/mamado21

📅︎ Nov 17 2020

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As I drive, I often see signs that say: "Falling Rocks"

Yeah, that's a LIE. Sometimes I even have a hard time getting up afterwards.

👍︎ 14

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👤︎ u/professorf

📅︎ Apr 18 2021

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My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.

When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”

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👤︎ u/ThatKipp

📅︎ Apr 16 2021

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My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.

So I have an uncle, once removed.

👍︎ 16k

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Nov 26 2020

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Blending some fruit into a purée and said “cool” as I finished making it.

My wife: don’t you mean... coulis

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👤︎ u/Hueleroo

📅︎ Apr 24 2021

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My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.

Eventually, I folded.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Mar 06 2021

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I went to a costume party dressed as a Euro. When asked what I was I told people I was new Italian currency...

They called me a lire!

👍︎ 34

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline

📅︎ Apr 13 2021

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I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop

but when I got home, all the signs were there.

👍︎ 15

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👤︎ u/XxDorrianxX

📅︎ Apr 20 2021

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As I handed my dad his 53rd birthday card, he said,

"You know, 1 would have been fine"

👍︎ 176

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👤︎ u/ItMeGatoradeMan

📅︎ Mar 19 2021

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I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop

But when I got home all the signs were there

👍︎ 15

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👤︎ u/LeonsaltoYT

📅︎ Apr 14 2021

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I've just quit my job as a treadmill tester...

I just felt like I wasn't getting anywhere.

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👤︎ u/VERBERD

📅︎ Mar 17 2021

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As I put my car in reverse, I thought to myself...

“This takes me back.”

👍︎ 15k

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👤︎ u/the_houser

📅︎ Nov 08 2020

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