Yesterdays Puns

I didn't trust it, it seemed kinda shady.

My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."

My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."

I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.

My thoughts are with his family.

So now the full Oasis songbook is covered he's moved on to a new one.

We all nodded out heads in No

Dad : "Mentos"

It was a Shih Tzu

God, my life is a joke.

Plagiarism.

It was disgusting on so many levels.

I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”

Finally my high school Karate lessons came to some use.

I won.

Left me with a trident

The bitter, better-batter bought her butter!

Without missing a beat he said "They can't be, these are the only feet I have"

Proud dad moment!

I thought it was a nice jester

Doc said, "I can clearly see you're/your nuts."

I replied "Oh that's easy, you just use your eyes."

It was a Shih Tzu

My instructor said you need to go. I said namaste

He’s Father Les.

It was a shitzu

It appears completely safe, with иo side effects whatsoeveя, and I feelshκι χoρoshό я чувствую себя немного странно и я думаю, что вытащил ослиные уши.

"That's slander, man."

Cruel act of hummus-ide.

And I told him, "well grow up, then you can be a month!"

'But your mother thinks it's been ruff.'

I said because she is a pessimist.

Since it'll be 4/22

well, he didn't let that opportunity go to waste

It was a re-Post.

I told him yes, but it’ll heel.

The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity

Because I read the label and it said to keep away form children

It was pretty em-bare-ass-ing.

Edit: May or may not be based on real events.

It took me four hours to eat my soup.

I hear their clown act is corny.

He’s listed in serious but stable condition.

Thank god! Nothing happened because it was a soft drink.

It was rubbish

But I just couldn't completely digest it.

I only have my shelf to blame.

I said, ‘I’m good thanks, they’re a waist of time’

They were able to place the casket in the grave after the third attempt.

It’s a play on words.

My thoughts are with his family.

The zoo keeper said it was bread in captivity

It was a shih tzu.