Today I purchased an inexpensive watering tube.
For some reason, my wife gets upset when I say I bought some cheap hose.
When my boys were playing ball, they accused me of spraying the ball with the watering hose. I didn't spray it.
My wife accidentally killed one of her plants by over watering...
I told here I guess it wasn't the right Thyme for it.
Yes, it was a Thyme plant.
(My son is too young to understand how great her eye roll was so I need recognition somewhere)
I stopped watering my lawn, but it still looks great! I'm not bragging.
I give credit where credit is dew.
You ever look at an ancient watering hole and go
Sometimes after work, I stop in at the local watering hole and enjoy a frosty Heifeweizen.
Depending on the day, I might even drink the whole weizen.
Fiji is so delicious, it’s mouth watering.
A mouse walks up to a watering hole in the jungle and shouts, "Hippo! You get out of the water!"
The hippo gets out and the mouse says, "Fine, you can get back in!"
He shouts at the elephant, "Hey chubby! Get out the water!"
The elephant gets out and the mouse says, "Ok, you can get back in."
The mouse does this to a gorilla, giraffe and rhino as well.
Finally, the lion snaps and roars, "What's your problem mouse!?"
The mouse says, "I wanted to see which one of you stole my trunks!"
After king Midas died, his subjects threw his remains down a watering hole.
They figured "might as well"
You want three watering holes?
1. Blue plastic bucket for watering, car-washing, etc. 2. Red plastic bucket for mopping floors, cleanup from painting, plumbing disasters. 3. Green metal pail for compostable table scraps.
...and that's my Bucket List.
I saw my daughter watering the plants with a spray bottle
I looked at her and said "You mist!". Ha
Got my dick stuck in a watering hole
Water pun
R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist
Want me to tell you water puns?
A pun is the humorous use of a word or phrase so as to emphasize or suggest its different meanings or applications, or the use of words that are alike or nearly alike in sound but different in meaning; a play on words
How do you make Holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
Ok, Imma head out...
Today I learned that if you're in a canoe and it flips over in water...
....you can safely wear it on your head... because it's capsized.
Why do dogs float in water?
Because they’re good buoys.
My friend just can't afford to pay his huge water bill...
I've just sent him a 'Get Well Soon' card.
If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed.
That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
To all ya'll in Texas without tap water
What kind of tree is the best for blocking water?
Where do mansplainers get their water from?
What did the egg say to the boiling water
It's going to take a while to get me hard. I just got laid by some chick earlier
I just spent three hours chasing all the water fowl out of my yard...
What do you get, when you pour down hot water into a rabbit hole?
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because if they lived in pepper water, they would sneeze.
Did you know they found water on the moon?
But only when it’s waning
I decided to add a water fixture to my back yard...
Teacher: What’s the formula of water?
Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.
Teacher: That’s not the formula of water.
Student: You said the formula was H to O.
My Bluetooth speaker wasn’t working so I threw it into the lake.
An English ship on the way to Germany suddenly starts making water and is about to capsize.. After some trying they finally manage to reach the coastguard "We're sinking, we're sinking!!"
.. A confused but also quite curious voice responds.. "What are you sinking about?"
What body of water will make you sick?
Rest in Peace boiling water
My friend keeps saying “Cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
Water is heavier than butane
because butane is a lighter fluid.
Water and Mud once took each other to court.
The police just showed up at my house and arrested my bottle of water. They said he was wanted in 3 states...
Want to make your water bed bouncier.....
Mars: Is it true that only 3% of your water is drinkable?
Earth: Yes.
Mars: That’s pathetic.
Earth: At least I have more than you.
Mars: Stop being so salty.
Who was the first under water spy?
How do you determine the mass of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
Why is water such a trusted beverage choice?
Everything about it is so transparent
My friend said I wouldn’t be able to name two structures that hold water.
I was like, “Well, damn.”
Did you know that you can actually get just as drunk on water...
sips water
...as you can on land
Get that extra pep in your step from this well
The water asked the sand if it could touch it ?
How do you make holy water
You boil the hell out of it
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper water would make them sneeze.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it!
Where do mansplainers get their water?
Where does a mansplainer get his water?
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