Did you hear about the cockney who opened a spring water company?

He was a diamond geyser.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sergioarmagh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.

The changing sea son.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doogdoogdoog123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I found some spring water I bought 3 months ago.

I guess it's summer water now.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Spring water is finally in season.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blitheringidiota
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Daddy, on your way home from work can you get some spring water?

Nope, until tomorrow they only have winter water

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/minnick27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2016
🚨︎ report
Where does spring water come from?

Winter ice.

From the excellent Dinosaur Comics.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryy0
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2014
🚨︎ report
Get that extra pep in your step from this well
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crimson_Spear1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Want to make your water bed bouncier.....

Use spring water.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend in the country couldn’t afford his water bill...

So I sent him a β€˜Get Well Soon!’ card.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyberentomology
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the bucket bounce?

Because it was filled with spring water.

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thekingofwombats
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I wanted to teach my goldfish to jump, so I took it to a lake in the mountains

But it turns out spring water is just false advertisement

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tDumFlumph
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Got my wife with a few in a row while my daughter was at her dance class..

So, my wife was telling about how disappointed she was at our kindergartener's "Spring Fling" party this year. She described this one "activity" Where the kids throw a roll of toilet paper and try to ring a toilet.

I remarked "Wow.. that -is- pretty shitty!" And she scolded me for using foul language. "Yea.. sorry for the potty mouth... I'll water it down next time.."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2014
🚨︎ report
/r/baseball did not appreciate my post - I think it’s better suited here anyway

I have a bunch of stupid baseball questions. I know most of the rules, I just want to make sure I have all my bases covered.

  • Imagine there’s a fan of the team that is currently fielding in the stands, and that said fan has a prosthetic arm. The batter hits a pitch and sends it on a home-run trajectory into the stands. If the fan in the stands throws his arm at the ball and diverts it back in the field of play, can they rightfully say that they were just β€œlending the team a hand” by stopping the home run?

  • Consider the exact opposite situation - the fan’s team is at bat and the batter hits a fly ball to the outfield. If Elastagirl from the Incredibles just happened to be the fan in question, can she spring into action and catch the ball before the outfielder has the chance to?

  • Now, imagine I smuggled a water gun into the stadium on a particularly hot day, and I managed to squirt sticky black liquid onto the batter. Does that mean he can take a walk since he was β€œhit by pitch”?

  • Consider the freak circumstance where a ball in motion collides with a bird, causing it to spiral in its descent and eventually collide in turn with an umpire. Can the player responsible for the ball’s motion be ejected from the game due to repeatedly flipping the bird at an umpire?

  • Can a losing team sub out their man on the mound with a large quantity of beer to prolong the game? There’d still be a pitcher on the mound!

  • If a pitcher throws a slider into the strike zone and the batter doesn’t swing, should the umpire consider it a strike, a ball, or the catcher’s dinner?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grumpy_princess
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Self-help and advice puns
  • The best way to save face is to keep the lower half of it closed.

  • Those who seek to get even only end up at greater odds.

  • Those who sling mud end up only losing ground.

  • Want a bouncier water bed? Just fill it with spring water.

  • Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push.

  • Keep your dreams alive -- quickly hit the snooze button.

  • Don't worry about the bird flu too much -- it's tweetable.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
🚨︎ report
My father belongs here

In the produce section at the store.

Dad: Do you know why they call them watermelons?

Me: Why's that?

Dad: because they plant them in the spring

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spoonoboone
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2013
🚨︎ report
Pool Trampoline

I tried to turn my pool into a trampoline. Spring water is very misleading.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Green_Dreamin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Blurted this one out to my son last night...

My son is 6 and he reads everything he sees out loud.

I take a long sip from my giant 7-11 bottle, and he reads the label, "spring water", three times. He then asked, "Why spring water?"

Without a thought, I replied "Because summer water is too hot."

πŸ‘︎ 388
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πŸ‘€︎ u/knightricer210
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2014
🚨︎ report
My tour guide just did this dadjoke

So we were in glenwood springs and went into the caves. It seemed like a really normal tour and just as we're about to exit, the guide tells us to put our ears on the wall of the cave. We all did assuming it was some cool feature of the cave. The guide asks us what we think we're listening to. Some reply water and others reply erosion. The guide tells us we're wrong and all we're doing is listening to hard rock.

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sohamtamhane
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2015
🚨︎ report
We were out browsing for sleep number beds, and dad let this loose on the salesman.

"What do you call twins conceived on a waterbed? "Off springs!"

Oh, dad. Your sense of humor can't hold water...

Shit, now he's got me doing it. Send help!

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/barthm1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad saw my shaker cup

Dad: Why is there a spring in it? Are you trying to make spring water?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/__Viper__
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2015
🚨︎ report
Overheard this dad joke in the cafeteria

I was sitting in the cafeteria for lunch yesterday and chatting with my fellow volunteers when one of them pulls out one of those shaker bottles that people mix up protein powder in. Hers just had water in it, but she hadn't taken out the metal shaker.

Without skipping a beat, the man on my left perks up and says, "Wow, that's some fancy spring water you've got there!"

Cue the groans.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaiyaprovo
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2015
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked in the garden

My dad and I were doing some spring lawn care in my yard yesterday.

When we were near the gardens he asked me "Why don't you plant the onions next to the potatoes?" I said I'm not sure, probably because there's not enough room.

He says to me, "Good thing, it would just make their eyes water anyway."

My love for him grows stronger.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/largetall
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2015
🚨︎ report
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.

The changing sea son.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/doogdoogdoog123
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

Add Spring Water.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LiveNatty
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make a water bed bouncier?

You add spring water

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itz_timu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

By adding spring water!

πŸ‘︎ 607
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ddudzi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make a waterbed bouncy?

You fill it with spring water.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schmucker3233
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you make a waterbed more bouncy?

Add spring water

πŸ‘︎ 175
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sisrael81
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make your water bed bouncy?

Add spring water

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you make water bed more bouncy

By adding spring water.

πŸ‘︎ 284
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make a water bed more bouncy

You add spring water

πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/riversbenjamin5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
A pun

How do you make a water bed more bouncy? Add spring water

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Antslagmygamelol
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make a waterbed more bouncy?

Add spring water....

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

Add Spring water

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mastr9ball
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make a waterbed more bouncy?

You add Spring water.

πŸ‘︎ 155
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kingjoker776
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

Add spring water.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hooligan_86
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Want to make your water bed more bouncy?

Use, spring water.

πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

Add spring water.

πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arkham_Asylum27
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make a waterbed more bouncy?

Add Spring Water!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MNdwarf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

Fill it with spring water.

πŸ‘︎ 318
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MnkySpnk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Does a water bed become more bouncier when..

You fill it up with spring water?

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Reg182
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
how do you make a water bed more bouncy?

add spring water

πŸ‘︎ 168
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sizzlingmaniac69
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you make a waterbed more bouncy?

Just add some spring water

πŸ‘︎ 104
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boxymcboxbox
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you make a waterbed bouncier?

Fill it with spring water

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PdawgUltimate
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Making a water bed bouncy is easy. All you have to do is

Use spring water

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/k_7a
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you make a waterbed bouncier?

Use spring water!

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/snowmansni
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
🚨︎ report

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