The other day I was on the dock talking to two of my neighbors… One of them had a cooler full of beers and snacks… Pulling out a beer pops the top and opening a bag of chips, he says “My wife’s an angel
I said, “you’re lucky – mine is still alive…”
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
The sculptor was going to make a full body statue
But he stopped at the chest and called the project a bust.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Last week I was on the edge of a cliff, holding on to a box full of shredded cheese. I loved that box, but I knew I had to let it go. I didn’t want to...
But it was for the grater good
Someone brought a box full of flue dirt to the formal dress gala for the chimney sweepers...
It was quite suity in there!
I used to hate the lockdown in the beginning, but now that I have a full fridge, I am ok with it.
Scientists are calling it the Stock Home syndrome.
A pirate was unable to recite the alphabet in full
Saw a radio for sale for only $2, wanted to buy it but the volume was stuck on full. Thought to myself...
... boy I just can't turn that down
2 cowboys were riding along and one saw a tree with bacon dangling from the branches. One called out saying "Look a Bacon Tree!" As they went closer to have a look they were confronted with a sky full of arrows. The other cowboy yelled:
This is no Bacon Tree, this is a Ham Bush.
What is a spacecraft chock-full of microbes sent to populate the nearest planetary system?
After the pilot had a sudden heart attack, an air traffic controller had to coach a passenger in landing a cargo jet full of various cuts of select Kobe beef
The steaks had never been higher
When I went to the county courthouse to pay my fines with a bag full of dimes, the clerk wasn't very happy...
I used to be really into the full Moon
Turns out it was just a phase
A princess wants to choose her future husband. Her engineers create a maze full of deadly traps. After the struggle, four princes survive. The first three have both their hands cut off. The fourth one still has one hand left. Which one will she choose?
She will chose the fourth prince: he's the most hand-some.
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?' he said...
'No, just up to your neck'
Some people like to look at the glass as half full and others like to look at it as half empty but me,
Is it the position of the full stop or going to prison is better than marriage?
A cousin of mine is in charge of distribution for this big pickle company; he was freaking out over the weekend after sending only miniature pickle chips to a restaurant that asked for full sized ones..
They told him it wasn't a big dill, though.
Ordered some bass in a restaurant, but I had to return it because the fish they gave me was full of diarrhea
Wanna know a way for werewolves to howl other than the full moon?
Make them stub their toe.
What does the electrician say when his book of jobs is full and somebody calls in and needs him to do one more for him?
I currently dont have capacity to do anything more.
Astronomers got tired of measuring the time taken for the earth to complete a full rotation of its axis.
So they decided to call it a day.
What did the waning full moon say to his girlfriend?
At least gibbous a kiss goodbye.
Fiancée: I'm full, but I don't want to waste the rest of this food.
Well, it's either going to go to waste or go to waist.
What did one three-quarter-full glass of vodka say to the other, full glass of water?
“Dad, the manual says it’s not a good idea to turn the stereo volume to full.”
Dad: That’s sound advice.
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