I’ve recently discovered I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.
I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but I’m slowly getting over them!
UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers.
You make the world a happier place! 🤩
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
My brother always takes the stairs, but I prefer taking the elevator.
I guess we are raised differently.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
Today, I checked out at the store, but the cashier kept taking pictures of herself with each item I was purchasing...
I'll never go thru the selfie checkout again!
I’ve been thinking about taking up meditation.
I figure it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.
My girlfriend said I need to stop taking things too literally
I asked her, "Who's Literally?"
More and more people are taking up horse breading as a profession
Apparently it's a very stable career choice.
What does panda tells to another panda after taking all its food?
Some people relieve their sexual urge by taking matters into their own hands.
To avoid taking down my Xmas decorations...
....I am turning my house into a Chinese restaurant.
While taking a fall foliage tour through Canada last year, our guide asked us what we thought of their trees.
I told him they look oak-eh.
The wife, taking a selfie with the kids: "Cheese kids!"
Me: That's a common mistake, but they're actually real kids.
Taking a family portrait
In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him. To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.
My friend is making a lot of easy money by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
The public pool sector must be taking a real dive right now
What did the Mandalorian bodybuilder say when he was accused of taking steroids?
What did Captain America say to his wife after taking Viagra?
"I can keep this up all night"
At the hospital they’re taking virus cases on a ‘first catch’ basis...
It’s in a corona-logical order.
Taking the shell off a snail wouldn't make it faster...
... It would make it more sluggish
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
I love taking pictures of my son, so much most people call me
his personal 'Papa'razzi.
I was wondering what's taking them so long to count all the votes in Nevada
But I realized it's because their work is Neva Dan
This election is taking a while.
I guess the people in Nevada are really Biden their time.
I can't stop taking money out of every cash machine I walk past...
Doctor has diagnosed I'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms.
What do you call a rival in picture taking?
I read a book about limbs taking over the world
This is the first year I'm not taking a vacation to Hawaii due to Covid.
Normally I don't go because I can't afford it.
Ive been reading this book called “The A to Z of Northern Europe”, but it’s taking me ages...
Not sure I’ll ever get to the Finish
The doctor was taking a while so he said: Sorry for the wait
I respond: no problem I’m patient
Did you notice that people started taking the looters & rioters seriously once New York was hit?
Probably because everyone knows where the Big Apple is, but not where the Minneapolis.
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
i started taking lessons on rock climbing
Hopefully soon i get the hang of it.
My gf: "I’m at the doctors and they’re taking my blood"
Me: "Tell them to give it back"
probably a Ford siesta because i like napping while taking a drive
A buddy of mine likes taking pictures of salmon in clothes
He says he likes shooting fish in apparel
I got arrested for taking a video while cutting down trees
Now facing charges for illegal vlogging.
Turns out that Lance Armstrong was not only taking drugs...
I heard about a politician who was caught taking bribes from a jean company.
He’s in the pocket of big pants.
My publicist spent today taking photos of me deep within a dark cavern.
She assured me the photos would receive high exposure.
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
What do you call james bond taking a bath?
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
A family photo.
(credit: @willieilish_)
My twin sister always takes the stairs, but I prefer taking the elevator.
I guess.... we are raised differently.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
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