Sausage Roll Puns

Push it down the hill

Connor McGreggsor

... but by the time I made it to the break room, the sausage rolls were gone.

I stood there, looking at the donuts, lamenting the missed opportunity of the sausage rolls.

Another coworker overheard me, stating "Well maybe it's a good thing, ya know, maybe you're watching your weight?"

I picked up a chocolate frosted donut and took a bite. I turned to her and replied, "Yes, I am watching my weight."

"But shouldn't you not -"

"I'm watching my weight go up."

Buried under all this food, his dying words were, "Oh no, it's Buffet the Vampire Slayer!"

A poultry-geist

Specsavers, Boots and Gregg’s. My life is just specs and drugs and sausage rolls.

(This joke just deserved a more catchy title, sorry for the mess.)

Every Tuesday growing up, we had German sausages and sauerkraut for dinner - my dad's favorite. Since I can remember, my dad has told this joke and never misses a chance telling it till this day:

"You know kids, it's not the sausage that makes you fat, it's the sauce!"

Both my younger sister and l looked at eachother, rolled our eyes and thought - why is he telling this joke every single time.. it doesnt make sense! There is no sauce here! Only fried sausages, sauerkraut and potatoes. In fact, where is the goddamn sauce, we could need it. This dish is dry as shit! My poor mom shrugged her shoulders, seemingly just as confused.

When i was about 11-12, I caught up on my dad's hinting and eye contact after the punch line.. he wanted me to get the joke so bad at this point lol. I had a moment, as they say. Oh... OOHH. BOOM. Omg the "SAUCE"!! From the sausage.. makes some people fat.. as in pregnant.. Mind. Blown.

My sister, around 8 at that time, had a few hundred more sausage dinners to "ketchup" ;) I'm not doing so bad myself, 'ey?

Edit: For the slow people out there, this joke is about sausage=penis, sauce=sperm and getting fat=pregnant. Did you have your moment too?? Admittingly, the joke works better in my native language, but you get the idea.

So my dads best mate and I went to a cafe for lunch and it goes something like this;

Me: Hey! Could I please have a flat white and two sausage rolls, cheers

Dads Mate: Yeah, I'll have the same actually

Waitress: No worries, and are you two together?

Dads Mate: Nah we're just eating lunch

Chase it round the garden. Usually followed by 'how do you make a sausage roll? Push it down the hill'

Push it down a hill

You push it

Push it off a hill.

You push it down a hill

My life is just specs, drugs and sausage rolls.