My sister walks up to me and asks: βAre you creating a pyramid scheme?β
A female will sink, if it doesnβt itβs buoyant.
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.
As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.
Obviously, they were thinking, "That poor old couple...all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."
As the man began to eat his fries, a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple.
The old man said, they were just fine, they were used to sharing everything.
People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite.
She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.
This time the old woman said, "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."
Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked, "What is it you are waiting for?"
She answered, "THE TEETH!"
But the steaks were too high
More than once Iβve spotted Dick putting.
It's about slime we caught this Louisville slugger!
I wanted flawless jugstaposition.
I told her that she is really boxing me in. Can't wait until these dad jokes become official.
http://i.imgur.com/np9XSde.jpg
"I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'."
A friend and me just "puned" the Pokemon Theme Song and I want to share it with you guys. If you have any complains or improvement feel free to tell me them :D And now here it is gonna be the Pun-cake-mon Theme Song
I want to pun the very best Like no pun ever was To tell puns is my real test To improve them is my cause
I will pun across the land Punning far and wide Each Puncakemon to understand the puns that are inside
Puncakemon gotta catch them all its you and me I know puns are my destiny Puncakemon, oh, you`re my best friend Great puns we must defend Puncakemon, the puns so true Our Punrage will pull us through
You pun me and i`ll pun you Pun-cake-mon, gotta catch 'em all
Every challenge along the way With Punrage i will face I will pun you every day To claim my punful place
Pun with me, the time is right
Theres no better pun Pun and pun, well win the fight
Puns have always been great fun
Puncakemon gotta catch them all its you and me I know puns are my destiny Puncakemon, oh, you`re my best friend Great puns we must defend Puncakemon, the puns so true Our Punrage will pull us through
You pun me and i`ll pun you Pun-cake-mon, gotta catch 'em all PUNCAKEMON
He said "Well, you should probably avoid those places in the future."
Me: Correction, I keep putting the remote in "remote" places. That's where it belongs right?
I got a eye roll and a sigh, score.
I told the officer "Wait! I can explain everything!!"
The police charged him with multiple counts of a salt.
He said not to go to those places again
They have a lot of FrenchShips.
The judges said my entry was the best of all thyme.
There's no plaque.
On a mountain!π€ π€ π€
The Lil Jon
It had lots of diversity
A comedy of eras
It's 90Β°.
Starbawks
In the hospital
The floor.
Me and my recliner go way back.
It was a very cryptic message.
...he tells the owner and bartender that heβs a surgeon down at the hospital and he just wants to forget about everything for awhile.
Dick knows just the thing. He quickly whips up a thick, exotic beverage and places it in front of the worn out doctor. He takes one sip and his eyes light up. βWhat IS that?β βThatβs my signature almond daiquiriβ, Dick tells him. The surgeon tells him itβs delicious, pays his bill and comes back the next day and the next day at the same time for the same thing: An almond daiquiri.
Before long, like clockwork, Dick is able to have it ready for him just before he comes in. But, one day as he is preparing the drink, he realizes that heβs run out of almonds! With no time to lose, he quickly substitutes the almonds with hickory nuts and sets the beverage on the bar.
The surgeon pops in, takes a big gulp, and immediately spits it all over the bar. He looks at the bartender and says, βThatβs not an almond daiquiri, Dick!β And Dick says, βNo, itβs a hickory daiquiri, Doc!β.
I know it was somewhere on this page, but I just canβt put my finger on it.
It was my climb-it change.
It's a fitting room.
Toot Suite
Fortunately, it was just a kid napping.
I told her Michael Boob-lay
She wasnβt as sad anymore (or much sadder since she realized how dumb the person sheβs dating is). Happy new year everybody
Husband: I recommend that you use this clamp with my companyβs logo on it.
Wife: I donβt need your advise!
There was nobody in there.
The table of contents
In a pub will one man start to scream on other man : "hey dude i fucked your Mother" Whole pub get silent and waits for reaction of the other man, but he is silent Man screams again : "Hey! I fucked your Mother" The other man is still in silent... The man screams again even more loud: " Do you hear me you idiot? I fucked your Mother" The second man finally answer with calm voice "Please dad, go home, you are too drunk"
Somewhere over the rainbow
In the ICU.
His dad-a-base.
In your drawers.
"I don't know, bud, what?"
"Your legs."
Well done, kid.
I tell them the answer is simple...Toboggan!
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
First lady: Isnβt it a bit windy? Second lady: I thought it was Thursday. Third lady: Me too, letβs have a cup of tea.
The dog came third.
He told me to quit going to those places.
