What do you call a pregnant person in a suit of armour?

Bump in the knight

πŸ‘οΈŽ 169
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/maccer20
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 18 2021
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I just learned Albert Einstein was a real person.

All this time i thought he was a theoretical physicist.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 136
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Nebac
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 11 2021
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My wife told me I’ve grown as a person

Her actual word were β€œyou’ve gotten fat”, but I know what she meant.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 996
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/serialcompliment
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 20 2021
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What award should the person get who invented knock knock jokes?

The no-bell prize

πŸ‘οΈŽ 385
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/makunahatata27
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 14 2021
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To the person who stole my Microsoft Office license.

I'm gonna find you. You have my word.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 34
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 15 2021
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What's the difference between a horribly dressed person on a two wheeler and a nicely dressed person on a three wheeler?

Attire

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/makunahatata27
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 09 2021
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What did the tomato say to the person who was about to eat him?

I hate you from my head to-ma-toes.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/decentname99
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 06 2021
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A person was arrested at the special Olympics.

The person was unarmed.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 33
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MrVegano
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 10 2021
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Warning...."To the person who stole my glasses....."

"I'll find you....I have contacts."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 11 2021
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Person to my dad β€œHow long have you been married?”

Dad: β€œ10 of the happiest years of my life”

(They’ve been married 43 years)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AlwaysTheAsshole1234
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 20 2021
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You should never bother a fat person at a buffet..

They’ve got a lot on their plate..

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bigdickkief
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 21 2021
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What do you get if you mix a dumb person with a donut?

Donut ask me....

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/l19mxd
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 02 2021
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What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?

A quarterback.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/The_Vettel
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 27 2020
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Kinder Person Award goes to...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 134
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/_nikhil_anil_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 16 2020
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What do you call a person who can't hear?

You can call him anything cause he won't able to hear you.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HussainKegel
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 02 2021
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What does a person who fakes injuries like to drink?

Champagne!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 301
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Boofaka
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 22 2020
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What do you call a person with no nose and no body?

Nobody knows

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/maidenHELL6669
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 08 2021
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Having sex with a deaf person is like assassinating someone

They won't hear you cumming

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/qarasaq
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 12 2021
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Elon Musk is now the richest person on the planet

Space X has really taken off this past year

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Domundead
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 07 2021
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As an immune deficient person, anti vaxxers make me sick
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lt_Matthew
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 01 2021
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What do you call a person who thinks he or she has not earned enough money?

Income-plete.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 14 2021
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What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?

A cannibble

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fractiousrhubarb
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 30 2020
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What do you call a person with one eye that's sad all the time?

A sighclops.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 32
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/littlebear_blackfoot
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2020
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I found out today that I perfectly match the profile of the type of person who spoils their ballot paper.

I tick all the right boxes.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 29 2021
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THERE ISN'T A SINGLE PERSON ALIVE TODAY WHO IS

Married

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/oakvard
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 13 2021
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If a male person bursts into laughter...

... can he then be accused of manslaughter?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 26
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Blan_Uator
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 07 2021
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What do you call a smart gay person?

Homogeneous

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/igottabluecoat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2020
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The person who invented Russian roulette

Had a mind blowing idea

πŸ‘οΈŽ 91
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Schrodingers_liar
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 20 2020
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Every person you have ever met..

Started off in-human.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jgpitre
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 31 2020
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When a short person waves at you, it's called....

....a microwave.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/XIIXOO
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 10 2021
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Person 1: β€œWill you follow me?”

Person 2: β€œNo I’m gonna follow sleep.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PenguinMan3188
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 27 2020
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Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?

He ogre-dosed

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mykeuk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a little person psychic on the run from the cops?

A small medium at large

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Spaceman-Mars
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a person with Covid like to drink?

Coughy

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Arr_jay816
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 17 2020
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What does a dead person do to lose weight?

He goes on a DIE-et!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheTrueChristOfChaos
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What does a person who is turned on by tall buildings have?

An edifice complex.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Big_Toe_Bro
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 02 2021
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For my birthday in mid-January, I invited a few friends over to a highly populated urban residential area consisting mostly of closely packed, decrepit housing units inhabited primarily by impoverished persons.

It's my first slum-brrrr party so wish us luck!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Person in front of me ordering coffee asked "can I have a large house?"

And I said "not without a large mortgage"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dad_2_the_bone
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 31 2020
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My wife and I are finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of visiting The Golden Gate in person.

She said, β€œWhat would you do when you finally see it?”

I said, β€œI’ll cross the bridge when I get there.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 107
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a British person takes a good long look at something?

A propaganda

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/nshah0703
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 28 2020
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I just found out that Einstein was a real person...

I always thought he was a theoretical physicist.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 61
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PM_ME_CLEVER_STUFF
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 30 2021
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TIL Albert Einstein was a real person.

This whole time I thought he was just a theoretical physicist...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 77
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mclev91
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 29 2021
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To the person who stole my Microsoft Office key.

Im gonna find you. You have my word.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ayewussupahaha
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
TIL Albert Einstein was a real person.

I had always thought he was only a theoretical physicist.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 47
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my spectacles. I will find you.

I have contacts.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/OliPark
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm not a dog person or a cat person. I'm both.

I'm bi-pet-al.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/logansworth
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?

A cannibble.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 262
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/the_houser
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/vamplestat666
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report

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