Don't hurt me no more...
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear there's no more lobsters in the sea?

There's other problems too, but this is the Maine issue.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Intrepidity87
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Wonder no more !

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualisticbird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow." "Freeze a jolly good fellow."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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No more shredded cheese!

Make America grate again.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyNooNooHead
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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No internet needed any more
πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomJackson90
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
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Churches had to disband when it was announced there would be no more mass gatherings.

They followed the guidance religiously.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Chosen_Pun_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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4yo son: Dad, My tummy is full. I have no more space, to eat anything, left.

Me: Okay. Just eat everything that is right.

Wife: sighs and rolls eyes

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dasherjim
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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No more
πŸ‘︎ 363
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EC097
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
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No more glasses
πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChillCosby21
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
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Did you sell it for more? No, I sold it for lease.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TysonPlett
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
When my father said he had a 'Dad bod', I wanted to correct him so I said "No, to me it's more like a FATHER FIGURE."
πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maryfountain
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
🚨︎ report
I swear I can't take no more shit from anybody
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brawl_Noob
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
It's no wonder guns became more the more popular weapon over swords...

...compared to guns, swords just don't cut it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NairodI
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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Don’t you fry no more.
πŸ‘︎ 510
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorBagels
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
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I’m sorry sir no more reservations
πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
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No more dad jokes please!

Haven't we been pun-ished enough today?

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/j0hnk50
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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No more speed
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TGG-
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
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My Life has been nothing but a disappointment. The Last 5 Years looked promising, but no such luck. After trying My Best, I've decided if One More Thing upsets me again, I'm calling it Quits.

Hmm, maybe I should start giving my race horses normal names.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roivas14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report
No more puns for today, this guy already won. imgur.com/44tXxcf
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oceloctopus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I finally fixed that leak behind the garage. No more rain on the lawnmower!

This is truly a watershed moment!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaoticFather
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2018
🚨︎ report
β€œCan I have any more Mom?” β€œNo, you already have the maximom.”
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vanilla_almond
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2017
🚨︎ report
"Good night, no more games, go to sleep now" I say. "But Daddy..." my daughter says...

"And don't call me Buttdaddy! It's disrespectful!" I reply.

πŸ‘︎ 119
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dcb720
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2014
🚨︎ report
After the success of the new Star Wars movie, if Daisy Ridley looks for more money for the next film, and Disney say no ...

they'll call her Raisy Didley.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SandorClegane_AMA
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2015
🚨︎ report
"No more, no less"

Alcoholic goes to the doctor, who tells the man he can't drink anymore. A week later, the man's brother sees him in a bar drinking and says, "I thought the doctor said not to drink any more?"

The man responds, "Yeah, no more, no less."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToothMan22
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2016
🚨︎ report
Faith No More came on the car radio.

Turned to my son and said, "This song is totally Epic."

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ooklamok
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2014
🚨︎ report
No more jokes about the refugee crisis everybody...

...it's a Syria's situation.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youhitdacanadien
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2015
🚨︎ report
No more that 24 hours after my Brother's wife gave birth to their first child he laid this one on me...

Him: Why did the Cowboy adopt a Wiener Dog?

Me: Oh boy here it comes... why?

Him: Because he wanted to get a long little doggie...

The Dad is strong with my Bro

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Awesomebra
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2015
🚨︎ report
Damn it, Dad... No more daytime courtroom shows for you.

What do they call lawyer's underwear? Legal briefs!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ADHd20
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2014
🚨︎ report

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