More puns from class yesterday but I waited until today because spooky month
That is farm more puns than I could have thought of
So I’ve been dating this woman named Destiny for 2 years. I’ve been having a hard time coming up with more puns.
I’ve got a date with Destiny!
Reaching out to take Destiny into my own hands !
And a few other sub-par ones not worth mentioning.
The more puns I tell, the angrier some people get
It seems I missed my culling
Pun book I found by art moger ask if you want to see more puns from this
My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Me: Can we change the subject?
My wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
Why shouldn't you put more than 239 beans in a soup?
Because adding just one more would make it too farty. Straight from my 7 year old daughter.
Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and upvotes. I showed my daughter how many people saw and appreciated her humor and she's extatic. I know she probably didn't come up with the joke herself but this was one of the first times she really got me with a good one and I thought I'd share it with some fellow dads and others.
No more Suez Canal jokes!
My daughter wants to do more things on her own, so I told her to put a picture of herself in a locket
Then she would be independent.
Why do atheists own more cats than christians?
Because it’s illegal to own a Christian
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
I'm trying to eat more kale because it's healthy. But when I see it on my plate, I ask myself...
Do the ends really justify the greens?
There's a group of sharks that like to meet up in secret. I'd tell you more but...
The first rule of bite club is do not talk about bite club.
Why doesn't people discover new websites any more?
Because no one is using Internet Explorer.
This makes a bit more sense if you watched Dragon Ball Super. Goku went from Super Saiyan...
My girlfriend said if I bought her one more stupid gift, she would burn it.
So I bought her a candle.
Balloons cost more today than they did 10 years ago.
I find it hilarious when people use big words they don't fully understand to make themselves feel more...
What costs more, a ladder or a Lamborghini?
The doctor said I can’t have any more red meat
So I started cooking my steaks well done.
Amtrak employees are more like to be struck by lightning than any other profession.
Because they are good conductors
What weighs more 10 pounds of bricks or 10 pounds of feathers?
Feathers because you have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds
Remember to go for more ohms
Why couldn't Han and Leia produce more than one child?
They could only produce a Solo child.
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
Boring but i'll think of more
If there's Jamaica, what about PeanutButterAica
A baseball player was shopping at the dairy while in a bad mood. He'd played in a home run derby yesterday; though he got more runs than anyone else, another player was awarded the trophy. While in line at the register, the lady in front of him was short on cash. He decided to do a good deed, so...
The bitter, better-batter bought her butter!
Apologies in advance for the worst joke you're going to hear for a while. Why are millenials more susceptible to osteoporosis?
Because so many of them are degenerative hipsters.
If you think Thursdays are depressing, wait until 2 more days. Why?
Because it will be a sadder day
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
When you see birds flying in a V and there are more birds on one side, why is that?
Because there are more birds on that side.
Zinger from my father-in-law.
Edit: This is word for word. Thanks everyone for trying to make it better.
Can anyone suggest more vegetable puns?
Short people face more discrimination than any other group!
We’re always being overlooked
Do you want hair, with more volume?
It’s hard to believe that it has been more than 100 years since Einstein published his Theory of Relativity.
It seems like only yesterday.
Wife asked me for reasons behind my laziness, I have more than one.
My friend asked me if we could end lunch after I was done my sandwich. I took one more bite and then said...
"Actually, that's a wrap!"
What's one word for flowers that are more that two?
More bad jokes!
If one pig is in the pigpen and another is running loose in the barnyard, which one is singing don’t fence me in?
Neither! Pigs can’t sing lol
I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards
I'm sure that must have been a record
My mother always told me I look more like her from the waste up, but took after my father from the waste down...
... because I'm a smart a**
My wife shouted, "You need to do more chores around the house!" Groaning, I pleaded, "Can we change the subject?" She smiled and calmly replied...
"Ok, more chores around the house need to be done by you."
My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Me: Can we change the subject?
Her: Ok. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
No more Suez Canal jokes.
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