A preacher with a lisp hired a sinner to paint his church. To save money, the sinner man added water into the paint can. It didn’t work well. The preacher told him:

Young man, you need to repaint and thin no more.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife was making gravy for dinner, and she added some corn starch, but it got too thick. To thin it out she added some water, but then it was too thin again. It went back and forth a few times before I said...

Ahh. I get it. It’s a viscous cycle.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PocketCornbread
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My goldfish looked really skinny, so I added some steroids to the aquarium water.

Now things are Hunky Dory.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my wife to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect! Then she added that I also...

...had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces...

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I added water to our bread machine

I don’t know if it worked, but it kneaded it.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rapideos
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Much to my surprise they added a roundabout on my route to work.

It really threw me for a loop.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ahatg
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I do hope she added enough stamps
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skatardrummer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend suggested I added herbs to my soup.

Sage advice.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
They discretely added only one scoop of powder into my instant tea, but I could tell this was different. How?

Subtle-tea

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Added Never Gonna Give You Up to my Spotify playlist and put it on shuffle. I call it, "Rick Roulette"
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChickenNugget6475
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I only added a few toppings on my pizza

There wasn’t mushroom

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/firstcruiser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call the verses added to a song to make it longer?

Extension chords

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrHomeOwnerdotcom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My 15 year old sent a text asking me to pick him up from school and added "not in your pyjamas".

So I'm wearing his, because good dads listen.

πŸ‘︎ 425
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGere
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Suggestion (also added a joke at the end):

I love this subreddit but some jokes just come around 5+ times a day, would it be possible to remove -frequent- reposts?

As for the joke:

My wife got mad at me because apparently I have no sense of direction. I immediately packed my stuff and right!

(I hope not everyone knows my joke yet, haven’t seen it on here.)

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
The Norwegian Navy added bar codes to their ships.

That way, when they dock, they can just Scan-da-navy-in.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stratospher
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought my Indian chef friend added butter to his recipes, but he explained it was actually ghee.

I said, β€œThanks for clarifying.”

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to cook dinner for my wife, but I accidentally added washing soda instead of baking soda.

She’s foaming at the mouth.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I added some pun to the sign on a broken pallet jack at work.
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/timbillyosu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I added Paul Walker as a friend on X-box...

But he spends all his time on his dashboard

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
They added a new rule to all sporting events

It’s a real game changer

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Peyton_Rials
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I baked, this time I added a hint of spice (It tastes better than it looks)
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AmethystMonkey
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I could never appreciate children between the ages of 13 and 19. Then, I added macro-nutrients made of amino acids to my diet. Now, I am pro-teen!

A dad joke original from my dad!!!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Started with a bad joke, only added to it.
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gorgon_the_Dragon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife got mad at me for kicking the dropped ice cubes under the refrigerator. Then told me I was terrible with directions. And then she added that I should stop cross dressing in her clothes. She also didn't like the female neighbor sun bathing nude in her backyard.

I nearly shit her pants, even though the ice-incident was water under the fridge! I was on the fence about the neighbor sun-bathing nude, but I packed her things and right anyway.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I heard on the news earlier today that Scientists have officially added something new to the Periodic Table.

Designated by the letters AH, it is of course the Element of Surprise.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MusicianNerd26
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy that couldn’t start his grill, so he added kerosene?

Still didn’t work. His doctor had him on anti-inflammatories.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wyllyam1111
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I was writing a story when I noticed that someone had added soil to my garden

β€œAnd so the plot thickens...”

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chicken-littler
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad added this calculated pun this morning and I couldn’t be happier m.imgur.com/pfHUkRR?r
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dumbledorito
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Added a rainbow to my dinner stir fry... I'm trying to eat light.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smei2388
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Apparently Queen have added a conjuring act to their set list.

It's a kind of magic.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Freestyle rap is being added as an event at the Special Olympics

It's a great way to showcase people with dis abilities.

πŸ‘︎ 149
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cactuar32
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a Hobbit is added for diversity?

Tolkienism

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/atrix324
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Looks like they added too much flour ipfs.pics/QmP8qGmyoWoG3Ur…
πŸ‘︎ 130
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dachewie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2015
🚨︎ report
When I was doing my PhD in botany, I added pictures on my final research paper.

Photos in thesis.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Real life dad joke. Yesterday I was cooking a stir fry and added some diced carrots β€˜for carrot-ness’, I said.

My daughter who was helping, added some peas, β€˜for pea-ness’ she said. Then fled laughing.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I've added a stock investor on Facebook.

We have 3 mutual funds in common.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Portal: Bridge Constructor suddenly added trading cards. I guess you could say it was...
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MorningBreathTF
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
🚨︎ report
I added a "bookshelf" to a stool.
πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Commander
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2015
🚨︎ report
I made a purchase at a second-hand store that added up to $20.16

I complained to the lady that that was last year's price.

She laughed after a few moments of confusion. Was nice to see the smile on her face.

Happy Monday!

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2017
🚨︎ report
They added a dog to the Jersey Shore reunion house!

The Shih-tzu-ation

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SyckTycket
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2018
🚨︎ report
I added a Ru to my sauce and it won't get thicker
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/draxa
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2014
🚨︎ report
A friend posted this one earlier. Definitely getting added to the repertoire.
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sasquatch_Bob
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2013
🚨︎ report
Just added Cinnamon to my cereal...

Guess you can say I "Spiced up my LIFE"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2015
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.