A preacher with a lisp hired a sinner to paint his church. To save money, the sinner man added water into the paint can. It didn’t work well. The preacher told him:
Young man, you need to repaint and thin no more.
My wife was making gravy for dinner, and she added some corn starch, but it got too thick. To thin it out she added some water, but then it was too thin again. It went back and forth a few times before I said...
Ahh. I get it. It’s a viscous cycle.
My goldfish looked really skinny, so I added some steroids to the aquarium water.
Now things are Hunky Dory.
I asked my wife to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect! Then she added that I also...
...had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces...
I added water to our bread machine
I don’t know if it worked, but it kneaded it.
Much to my surprise they added a roundabout on my route to work.
It really threw me for a loop.
I do hope she added enough stamps
A friend suggested I added herbs to my soup.
They discretely added only one scoop of powder into my instant tea, but I could tell this was different. How?
Added Never Gonna Give You Up to my Spotify playlist and put it on shuffle. I call it, "Rick Roulette"
I only added a few toppings on my pizza
What do you call the verses added to a song to make it longer?
My 15 year old sent a text asking me to pick him up from school and added "not in your pyjamas".
So I'm wearing his, because good dads listen.
Suggestion (also added a joke at the end):
I love this subreddit but some jokes just come around 5+ times a day, would it be possible to remove -frequent- reposts?
As for the joke:
My wife got mad at me because apparently I have no sense of direction. I immediately packed my stuff and right!
(I hope not everyone knows my joke yet, haven’t seen it on here.)
The Norwegian Navy added bar codes to their ships.
That way, when they dock, they can just Scan-da-navy-in.
I thought my Indian chef friend added butter to his recipes, but he explained it was actually ghee.
I said, “Thanks for clarifying.”
I tried to cook dinner for my wife, but I accidentally added washing soda instead of baking soda.
She’s foaming at the mouth.
I added some pun to the sign on a broken pallet jack at work.
I added Paul Walker as a friend on X-box...
But he spends all his time on his dashboard
They added a new rule to all sporting events
I baked, this time I added a hint of spice (It tastes better than it looks)
I could never appreciate children between the ages of 13 and 19. Then, I added macro-nutrients made of amino acids to my diet. Now, I am pro-teen!
A dad joke original from my dad!!!
Started with a bad joke, only added to it.
My wife got mad at me for kicking the dropped ice cubes under the refrigerator. Then told me I was terrible with directions. And then she added that I should stop cross dressing in her clothes. She also didn't like the female neighbor sun bathing nude in her backyard.
I nearly shit her pants, even though the ice-incident was water under the fridge! I was on the fence about the neighbor sun-bathing nude, but I packed her things and right anyway.
I heard on the news earlier today that Scientists have officially added something new to the Periodic Table.
Designated by the letters AH, it is of course the Element of Surprise.
Did you hear about the guy that couldn’t start his grill, so he added kerosene?
Still didn’t work. His doctor had him on anti-inflammatories.
I was writing a story when I noticed that someone had added soil to my garden
“And so the plot thickens...”
Added a rainbow to my dinner stir fry... I'm trying to eat light.
Apparently Queen have added a conjuring act to their set list.
Freestyle rap is being added as an event at the Special Olympics
It's a great way to showcase people with dis abilities.
What do you call it when a Hobbit is added for diversity?
When I was doing my PhD in botany, I added pictures on my final research paper.
Real life dad joke. Yesterday I was cooking a stir fry and added some diced carrots ‘for carrot-ness’, I said.
My daughter who was helping, added some peas, ‘for pea-ness’ she said. Then fled laughing.
I've added a stock investor on Facebook.
We have 3 mutual funds in common.
Portal: Bridge Constructor suddenly added trading cards. I guess you could say it was...
I added a "bookshelf" to a stool.
I made a purchase at a second-hand store that added up to $20.16
I complained to the lady that that was last year's price.
She laughed after a few moments of confusion. Was nice to see the smile on her face.
Happy Monday!
They added a dog to the Jersey Shore reunion house!
I added a Ru to my sauce and it won't get thicker
A friend posted this one earlier. Definitely getting added to the repertoire.
Just added Cinnamon to my cereal...
Guess you can say I "Spiced up my LIFE"
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