No more Suez Canal jokes!
Can anyone suggest more vegetable puns?
Do you want hair, with more volume?
I should have been making more jokes about the whole Suez canal situation...
I really missed the boat on that one
My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Me: Can we change the subject?
Her: Ok. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
I tried to become a stand up comedian, but it turns out that I am more of a "sit down" comedian.
After every joke I told, someone kept yelling "sit down"!
No more Suez Canal jokes! SERIOUSLY! We are considering litigation. Apparently some guy named Ezra keeps posting those jokes...
...and if I can’t sue Ez, can Al?
Research shows that left handed people waste more food than right handed people
Otherwise, rightovers would be a word.
My son said, “I accidentally put ketchup in my eye. I should have been more careful.”
I said, “That’s Heinz sight for you.”
It shares border with more states than any other. Missouri loves company.
More than 1 000 pieces of music by Johann Sebastian Bach have been preserved,
along with nearly 900 by Carl Philipp Emanuel Bach, nearly 400 by Johann Christian Bach, more than 300 by Johann Christoph Friedrich Bach, and nearly 200 by Wilhelm Friedemann Bach.
Together with as many as 200 more surviving compositions by other members of the Bach dynasty, scholars estimate that about 3 000 works are preserved in total, a collection that we today know as the Baroque Bach mountain.
The price of balloons have me stalling on purchasing more.
That price of inflation is something else!
What’s a more concrete term for butt crack?
My buddy used to paint these beautiful beach scapes when he lived on the coast, but since he’s moved away, he won’t paint any more.
I guess he’s now an ex-cape-artist...
I decided I want to do some more exercise after listening to Queen.
I want to ride my bicycle.
If Texas saw many, many more tornadoes
It would be called "Vortexas".
Why dont more people eat rabbit?
Most people dont like hare in their food
Why are plants more likely to change sex?
Because theres less stigma to stamen.
My wife's eyes are so much more noticeable these days.
The Doctor said I should drink more Scotch
Also, I’m now calling myself The Doctor
I just love when food is packed with more food
I asked my personal trainer at the gym, which type of machine I should use to make myself more attractive to women?
He suggested, the cash machine .
There's way more cool stuff
I can’t believe it’s been more than 100 years since Einstein published his Theory of Relativity.
It seems like just yesterday.
Mom: This lasagna sauce needs more seasonimg
Dad: Listen up kid, that's sage advice
When visiting France, one has to go to the structure that allows sufficient observation to discover more than enough to be satisfied.
Oui, a visit to the Eyeful Tower is always recommended when vacationing in France.
Who shaves more than once a day?
If the island of Maui gets too much more rain...
It'll become the Isn'tland of Maui.
I finally finished my training film for army commanding officers after more than 18 attempts.
After mathematicians wondered for many years about the rational numbers, they realised there's more!
Halloween is probably one of my more favorite holidays.
Easter and Valentine's Day are a couple other good cand-y-dates.
How have we not improved on margarine more?
I can't believe it's not better.
Eating more fresh vegetables makes you an expert pooper. It's right in the name.
What is something that Japan produces more than other countries?
Did you know Hannibal Lecter has a brother who’s even more evil and sadistic?
His name is Bilka... Bilka Lecter.
What is considerably more valuable than a dad bod?
Boss said he’d fire me if I made any more country puns
It was the end of my Korea
My 4 year old just told her first dad joke, and I've never been more proud.
My pregnant wife is wearing a white shirt that has a pumpkin painted over her belly, for Halloween. We are having another little girl, and have set on the name Ellie.
My daughter comes home, and is greeted by my wife.
4yo: "I like your shirt mama!
Wife: "Aww thank you! Do you like my pumpkin belly?
4yo: "...I like your pumpkin Ellie!"
Did you hear about the guy who only dated women named Esther, sometimes more than one at a time?
He identified as poly-Esther
This occurred to me at 1 am and I’ve never been more proud
My son asked me what the difference was between horsepower and torque. I explained that horsepower is often more expensive the greater the amount...
...whereas torque is cheap.
So last night my boyfriend left the bedroom door open to get more heat in the room because there are more heating vents in the hallway than in the bedroom. I said, "You might say it's eVENTful." He didn't laugh. So then I said, "You'll laugh eVENTually."
"Daddy, you're swearing much more than usual."
No son!!! You're spending much more time with me. "
They have milkshakes with whipped cream and cherries at Chick-fil-A, but nothing more elaborate...
Otherwise, they might have to work on sundaes.
My dad is more transparent now
than when he was my mother
No more Suez Canal jokes.
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