this is an OK Boomer Sooner Schooner:
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dpierceyjr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
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I loaf myself for not thinking of this sooner
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-Pinetree
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
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I'm surprised I didn't see a pun like this sooner imgur.com/a7zgscg
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToxianLeader
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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The date for my upper arm surgery is sooner than I anticipated...

I guess that's a wait off my shoulders

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coolface2k
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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I got home to find the rest of my family eating dinner. My son said "we'll you should have gotten home sooner", as he ate the last piece of ribeye.

I said "I guess that was my missed steak."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/virtual_no_body
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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When our first child was on the way, my wife told the doctor in maternity β€œWe’d’ve been here sooner if my husband could drive better”

And I said, β€œHoney, watch out for those double contractions! They’re brutal.”

There shouldn’t’ve been another one for at least 10 minutes,

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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Why didn't Steam fix the problems sooner on Christmas?

They were too busy rolling in cache.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2015
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What works faster than a calculator?

A calcu-sooner!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FacePaulMute
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...

He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."

"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."

So they did.

Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.

And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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Why did the Oklahoma student keep rushing everything?

Because he was a Sooner

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Westerbecky32
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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My wife said I was being immature.

I told her to get out of my fort.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BattlebeeUltor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
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Some of the gem's of Steven Wright

The work of Steven Wright, he's the famous Erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."

1 Β  - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2Β Β  - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3Β Β  - Half the people you know are below average.

4Β Β  - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6 Β  - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7Β Β  - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 Β  - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.

9 Β  - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.

25 - If at first, you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is a place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

34 - If at first, you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ksbalaji
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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What’s the difference between an Oklahoman marsupial and a conspirator who lives on the moon?

One is a Sooner lemur and the other is a lunar schemer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tomato_soup_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
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I just found out my girlfriend is a communist

I should've seen the red flags sooner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guy2things
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
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Scientists have discovered the gene for shyness.

They would have found it sooner but it was hiding behind a couple of other genes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arutkow
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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My Jalen Hurts Dad jokes based on the Oklahoma move. (For the sports fans)
  1. Huh Oklahoma seems like an OK move for him.
  2. Aw man I hate Oklahoma never thought he would Stoopsolow.
  3. Well I guess the news was going to come out Sooner or later.
  4. Not surprising I heard multiple reports Lincoln him to the Big 12.
  5. I bet Oklahoma fans are Riley happy today.
  6. (The obvious one) this move really Hirts Alabama’s title chances this year.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coffeegrounds55
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
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I just read a very interesting article about premature ejaculation...

...the website said it would be about an 8-minute read but I was able to finish sooner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealAnthonyCamp
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
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I just dadjoked my wife.

Wife: (looking in the cabinets for something, then finding it) "Where is...okay."

Me: "Right above Texas." :D

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2014
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My wife keeps...

My wife keep telling me to stop doing my flamingo impression...sooner or later I'm going to have to put my foot down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gruffgruffygruff
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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A London pun.

I'm on vacation with my girlfriend, and I've been crafting a lot more puns than usual. I wish I'd known about this subreddit sooner because I immediately forget them.

The latest was that we were on the Jubilee line on the London tube, and I asked her what Harry Potter's stop would be.

"Jubilee and Magic."

But I sung it to the tune of "do you believe in magic." She hates me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ralusek
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2018
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Dad Joke - Ultimate Backfire

For as long I can think of, anytime I would take my family out for supper at a restaurant, when our server would bring us the check I would in my best calm and collected demeanor advise our server "Oh table #?? said they were picking this up for us tonight", to which most servers just give a ya right smile or a simple haha nice try sir.

Well on this most recent adventure I see the check coming and get all primed and plot it all out. The server politely slides the check to me, I so graciously put my hand on it and slide it back with my recited lines delivered so perfectly "Oh yes I should have told you sooner that table 16 has offered to pick up the check tonight". Well our server burst out laughing, which to us was a surprise as its not as hilarious as she is now making it. Well when she finally stops laughing enough to talk, she so wonderfully delivers the message, "thats good to know sir - cause your sitting at table 16!"

Jokes on me! But it made for a great night of laugh at dad.

Edit - "demeanor" - where the frick was auto correct on that one. thx Enders!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dontwanttosleep
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2014
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On the other side of the fence, next to my dentist's office, is the courtyard of a mental hospital...

After my appointment, I was walking back to my car when I heard some of the patients on the other side of the fence chanting, "Thirteen...Thirteen..."

I spotted a knothole in the fence, so I bent over to take a look at what was going on.

No sooner had I put my eye up to the knothole when one of them poked me in the eye!

I staggered back, cursing and rubbing my eye, when I heard them chanting, "Fourteen...Fourteen..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/howardkinsd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2016
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Here is a dad joke I shouldn't have said but I laughed for a good 10 minutes. Wife wasn't impressed.

We're driving through our neighborhood and a guy pulls out quick and wife says "watch out for the guy pulling out." My 4 year old is at the ask everything stage and says "what's pulling out?" Me "well son, if I did that a little sooner you wouldn't be here" My wife wasn't impressed but it gets better.

So someone in the family recently had a baby and were talking about it and son says "why don't daddies have babies?" We explain and he asks where babies come from. I chime in as I am getting out of the car "well, now we come back to pulling out". He was so confused, wife was pissed but I had a good laugh. I think I'll keep it g rated next time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SMYTAITY
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2014
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The DadOff!

Who is the greatest dad? Who can make people let out the biggest groan? Dads and mothers (and weird uncles), welcome to the DadOff!

Rules:

  1. Each dad describes an experience with a dad joke in one sentence only. If you need a second sentence it MUST be the punchline! Make it short so dads can go through a lot of comments.

  2. In your reply, try to out-dad the previous dad with a dandier joke. If the brilliance of your opponent has crushed you completely, you can forfeit by replying "Youre the Daddy".

  3. The fight can continue as long as its punny.

  4. At the end of a fight, i will count the karma for each comment and the dad with the most karma wins a groan point.

  5. Mostly the fight is between two dads, though a third dad can come in if he has a line he just GOTTA say. Bear in mind though, that unless your reply is brilliant, you will have lower chances of winning (because they started sooner).

At the end of each day, i will count the karma and edit the post to announce todays winners. At the end of the week, i will count the groans, and the dad with the most groans will be the crowned Daddy of Dadjokes!

If anything is not clear, pm me and ill edit the post. Good luck Dads!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigBootyBear
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2015
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There's a probe going to Pluto tomorrow ...

It would have arrived sooner, but it was too busy poking around Uranus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Da___Michael
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2015
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Another teacher joke, though he was probably a dad too.

A friend of mine had a teacher in high school that, like many others, would write notes on the overhead or the whiteboard and, like many others, would end up standing in in the way of the text sooner or later.

If a student would ask "Mr. ____, can you move?" implying that they need him to move out of the way of their view of the text, he'd reply "Yes, I can!" and jump up and down in place, flailing his arms.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZenKeys88
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2013
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Classic dad during the Alabama-Oklahoma game

Mom: "What's a Sooner?"

Dad: "I don't know, but it's better than a later!"

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2014
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I just found out I was dating a communist

I should have noticed the red flags sooner

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IONTOP
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2016
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