Shortly Puns

My son asked, “ Why is my name Richard?”

I thought “well that’s unfortunate”

I hope he wasn’t too de-turd.

He didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

Me: "I prefer to be called 'Robert'"

Me: I'll be waiting there tall-ly

"Stop calling me shortly!" he shouted back.

It was the mock anger that took me by surprise...

I just need a very short pun involving space and dinosaurs to go on the cover of an adventure book im writing for kids.

"A roarsome adventure" is too cliche and I'd like space to be featured somewhere. But there isn't a lot of room.

Thanks for any help, don't worry about them being dumb as a dumb pun could inspire a decent one :)

This is about a school janitor who murders children at the school he works at, and I’m looking for either a pun about cleaning or a pun that can somehow tie in murder/violence with cleaning in some way. Strange request, I know.

one peach short of a pear

I'm eggnogstic

Imagine the damage alcohol can do.

I guess I have to keep holding it.

Only a fraction of people will understand this

Told my family that today is one of the shortest birthdays of my life. Only half a minute long.

It’s my thirty second birthday

..She always had little patients.

“Because she has no taste.”

What a terrible time for shorts.

It’s night

Wall Street Broke.

Because they cant reach it.

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

Thunderpants

“All I’m saying is if you don’t like Pizza, you’re just a weirdough”

....a microwave.

I chose the 3rd guy as he was the medium.

Joke, joke, joooooooooooooooooooke

You'd have a small medium at large

Because he’s only got little legs

He got the sack.

It’s hard trying to be the bigger person!

For example, airport security.

Ever thought about that?

I became a film editor.

With Little Caesar’s

The steaks are too high

It’s considered a Vin nyet.

I told her I think it’s worth a shot

always catch my eye.

He was a little drunk.

I stand corrected

They're metro gnomes

Joke

Joke

Joooooooooooooooooooke

He’s only got little legs. 👽

A microwave.

Cause he has little legs!

Just think what alcohol can do!

I became a film editor