Why was the lamp not heavy?

Because it's light

πŸ‘︎ 397
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thishotleafjuice
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.

After the first three, it was a D-light.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vehiclesales
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.

Someone’s getting LED tonight. ;)

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/malker84
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
A burglar stole all my lamps

I should be upset, but I’m delighted

πŸ‘︎ 580
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Koolvin88
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp

I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
You know how when you find a Genie's lamp, you're supposed to rub it?

Does that mean when you find a Frog's lamp, you Ribbit?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Silly--Cybin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.

I replied, β€œBecause I am feeling light headed.”

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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Son: There's a life-sized "Leg lamp" at the light display! It's like 4 feet tall!

Me: No, it's only one foot.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thirteen_20
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?

I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/its_just_quin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a lamp for my friend

To brighten their day

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Indigo15931
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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Someone stole my lamp!

I was delighted.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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A man walks into his home to realize that all his lamps were stolen

He was delighted

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TJPancaker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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A man entered his home and discovered that someone had stolen every single lamp present in the house.

He was absolutely delighted.

πŸ‘︎ 345
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πŸ‘€︎ u/entangled_dicks
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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If you have a lava lamp in your basement...

...isn't it a magma lamp?

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chirstain
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
This post was made by the lamp squad.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MLG_GuineaPig
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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A young boy finds a magic lamp

He rubs theΒ lamp, and a genieΒ appears and says,Β β€œWhat is your firstΒ wish?”

The kid says, β€œIΒ wish I were rich!” The genie replies,Β β€œIt is done! What isΒ your second wish,Β Rich?”

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chennai_buzzer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the lamps get arrested?

They were in some shady business

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Contonion
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.

He said no, this is light.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tonheatz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the lamps do after their date

They got turned on

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Contonion
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What is cold and stands under a street lamp?
  • A frostitute.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theredditman111
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.

That was the highlight of my day.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrisonMike1111
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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I love lamps.

They're so enlightening.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nolemy2800
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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To the person who stole my lamp, my coffee and my parrot:

I dont know how you sleep at night

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juhaodbrokule
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
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A burglar stole all of my lamps.

I should be upset, but actually I’m delighted!

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cplaprade
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though the wife reckons it's weird.

I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Martin finds an old oil lamp

Genie: "You get three wishes. I can't kill anybody, I can't make anybody fall in love, I can't bring anybody back from the dead, and you can't wish for more wishes."

Alladin: "I wish that I was rich!"

Genie: "Done."

Rich: "... I wish that I have a lot of money."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fluid-Visual
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do lamps make people happy?

They bring delight.

My 7-year-old son told me this at the breakfast table this morning. He is going to be a great dad one day.

πŸ‘︎ 154
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JediFunHouse
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
A burgular stole all my lamps.

I should be upset... but I'm delighted.

πŸ‘︎ 155
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πŸ‘€︎ u/waterparkfire
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Ya know why you can’t bury a lava lamp?

It becomes a magma lamp

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/not_related_to_OJ
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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What did the oil lamp say to the flickering candle?

Do you want to go out sometime soon?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/queen-fireheart
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
"Do you guys even use this lamp?"

Yeah, it's there for looks.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohokayfineiguess
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone broke into my house and stole all my lamps

I should be upset but I’m delighted

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigmikesbeingnice
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the young genie who got a job and moved out of his parents' lamp to a one bedroom necklace?

He was independant.

πŸ‘︎ 570
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NickNail5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
A theif stole all my lamps...

I should be upset but I'm delighted

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
A man stumbles upon a lamp and a genie pops out and offers him 3 wishes.

Man: β€œFor my first wish I'd like to be rich."

Genie: β€œAlright Rich, what's your second wish".

πŸ‘︎ 207
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsVinay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife just admitted that she broke my favorite lamp.

I don’t think I can look at her in the same light ever again.

πŸ‘︎ 187
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I was invited to a fancy dress party with the theme of characters who find a magic lamp

I wasn't told the dress code so I wasn't Aladdin

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
A wizard dies and they lock up his ashes in a lamp

The lamp is then fastened by the sea, just so none of the townsfolk get into trouble. One day, an inquisitive young chap opens the lamp and the wizard starts wreaking havoc upon the town. All the scientists gather and decide to chemically dissolve the lamp. But all the chemicals they have fail to work. They try to burn it, melt it and what not but nothing works. Finally one scientist says β€œI know exactly what we should do. Pour excessive chemicals and try to dissolve it. I know we’ve tried it before but let’s give it another shot.” They bring in acids and other corrosives from the neighbouring cities and pour it on the lamp and it successfully dissolves and the wizard disappears. Everyone is amazed and asks the scientist β€œHow did you know about the extra chemicals?” The bald, black scientist looks at them and says β€œOh that’s easy. Moored urn problems require more darn solutions.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lordoflethargy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the lamp eat?

A light snack...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shrimpio
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I was rubbing a lamp containing fermented soya beans and suddenly a mythical creature popped up and started making sexist remarks against women.

Miso-Genie.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I broke the lightbulb in my lamp today.

It was delighted.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nyquill81
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2017
🚨︎ report
I donated all my lamps to goodwill recently

I feel positively delighted.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PuhLeazeOfficer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife just admitted to me that she broke my favorite lamp.

I don’t think I’ll be able to look at her in the same light ever again.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
🚨︎ report
A burglar stole all of my lamps! I should be upset...

But I’m delighted.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calm_Fan_381
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A burglar stole all my lamps

I should be upset but I am delighted

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/twistyturtles
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A kid finds a magical lamp.

He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears and says: β€œWhat is your first wish?”

The kid says: β€œI wish I were rich!”

The genie replies: β€œIt is done! What is your second wish, Rich?”

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A burglar stole all of my lamps

I should be upset, but I’m delighted

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eternalrefuge86
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
A burglar stole all my lamps.

I should be upset, but I’m delighted.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rstein656
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A burglar stole all my lamps. I should be upset..

But I’m delighted.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djmuhlestein
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report

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