(Warning: Morbid dad joke) True Story -- My family were planning my mum's funeral. We always try to keep things light and try to stay positive, just as Mum would have it...

The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.

Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.

The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:

"What's sarong with that?"

I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).

His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.

--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)

--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zipflop
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
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I was sitting at a red light with my family, when all of a sudden I said "Look, son! A super hero!"

It was the Green Arrow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
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I own a old mining helmet with a light on it.

But I never wear it....

It makes me light headed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
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How long is a light-year?

It is the same length as a regular year, but it has less calories!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/M47TH3W99
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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I have no idea how fast light travels...

But, it gets here too early in the morning.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
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I told my son, look the church has locked up the door and turned off their lights. He said, what's that got to do with anything? I said well,...

It's pastor bedtime

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trigrex
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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A scientist figured out how to put a light bulb into his brain.

He had a very bright mind

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HANS0troll
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
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How many dyslexics does it take to change a light bulb?

Steven.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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How many mexicans does it need to change a light bulb ?

Only Juan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pter0phyllum
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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What did God do after he created a 24 hour period of alternating light and darkness?

Called it a day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AspChef
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
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How many South Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A Brazilian!

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πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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How many Mafiosos does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the light bulb and one to shoot the witnesses.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
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How many fire flies does it took too screw in a light bulb?

No one knows exactly, but it takes a lot. They aren't that bright.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bobbert84
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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For our anniversary, I made and served a nice dinner, with light provided by Amazon.

She always loves Kindle-lit dinners!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
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What does a beam of light wear when it wants to get kinky?

Massless Chaps

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aakruzel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
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How many classical economists does it take to change the light bulb?

None, because they think the invisible hand already did it.

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πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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Did you hear about that dumb movie about two light bulbs?

It is called dim and dimmer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-Man54
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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I’m growing suspicious of my light switch

Something just seems off

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πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
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Where does bad light end up?

In prism.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
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My coworkers are like christmas lights,

Half of them dont work and the other half arent that bright.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poshnoshlosh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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How many disappointed dads does it take to screw in a light bulb?

How would I know? You’ve made me the proudest dad alive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Play2Win1776
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
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Did you hear that a car full of garlic, ginger, and lemongrass ran a red light in the middle of the city, injuring tens of people?

It was a fragrant disregard for public safety.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dumbwaeguk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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I bought one of those 'smart light switches ', but it was much too clever.

So, I replaced it with a dimmer switch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
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what's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a light bulb

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Possible_Decent
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
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3 men were in a boat with 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.

So they threw one overboard and the boat became a cigarette lighter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eeeeeeeeeeelias
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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Finally learnt how to separate my washing into lights and darks...

Turns out there can be a bit of a grey area

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fat_mummy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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Yesterday I changed a light bulb, crossed the street and walked into a bar.

My life is a joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
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How does the Sun deliver light to Earth?

Through the Light Post

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
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I heard thunder nearby, so I ran around and turned on all the lights.

When kids asked me why, I said "where's there's thunder, there's lighting!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/godiesomewhere
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
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Why does the president stop at the traffic light?

Because he's a Law A 'Biden' citizen

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πŸ‘€︎ u/d7my_d7oom
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
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The barman says, β€œSorry, we don’t serve faster-than-light particles in here.”

A faster-than-light particle walks into a bar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snrckrd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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Why did The Joker have to sleep with his lights on?

Because he was afraid of the Dark Knight.

β€”

My 9yr old son just told me this πŸ€ͺ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pagameba
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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This is what being American is all about. Second Amendment Lights.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDorkKnight53
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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Just looking for a light snack...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KnotEweTwo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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In light of his record with these mega-projects, Elon Musk's proposed new Miami-tunnel gives new meaning to the term

"car-pool tunnel syndrome."

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
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You are lost in winter but find a cabin. You find it has a fireplace, a kerosene lamp and a stove, but you only have one match. What item in the cabin do you light first?

The match.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/leetrd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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Light
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πŸ‘€︎ u/swapy0498
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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When God lights a cigarette....

Is it with a match made in Heaven ?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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Why do redditors never have their settings on light mode?

Well, we aren't the brightest people

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mycatwearsgucci
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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Where was Moses when the lights went out?

In the dark.

My dad literally just said this to me, so I felt it was appropriate to post.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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When a light goes out, it's best to call the whole family.

Because many hands make light work.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
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What do you call a blimp wrapped in Christmas lights?

LED Zeppelin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CLucas127
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
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People say feathers are light.

But I don't see it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
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The pessimist sees a dark tunnel. The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a freight train.

The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/firestrike007
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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How many dyslexics does it take to change a light bulb?

Steven.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
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How many hispanics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just Juan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/miltondelug
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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What did the green light say to the red light?

Don't look I'm changing.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
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3 men are stuck on a boat with 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.

They throw one over board and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spinach_Stock
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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What did God do after creating a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness of Earth?

He called it a day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
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What did the Red light say to the Green light?

Don't look at me I'm changing!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/red_snake0329
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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