(Warning: Morbid dad joke) True Story -- My family were planning my mum's funeral. We always try to keep things light and try to stay positive, just as Mum would have it...
The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit--
I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit--
Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
I was sitting at a red light with my family, when all of a sudden I said "Look, son! A super hero!"
I own a old mining helmet with a light on it.
But I never wear it....
It makes me light headed.
How long is a light-year?
It is the same length as a regular year, but it has less calories!
I have no idea how fast light travels...
But, it gets here too early in the morning.
I told my son, look the church has locked up the door and turned off their lights. He said, what's that got to do with anything? I said well,...
A scientist figured out how to put a light bulb into his brain.
He had a very bright mind
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How many mexicans does it need to change a light bulb ?
What did God do after he created a 24 hour period of alternating light and darkness?
How many South Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
How many Mafiosos does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the light bulb and one to shoot the witnesses.
How many fire flies does it took too screw in a light bulb?
No one knows exactly, but it takes a lot. They aren't that bright.
For our anniversary, I made and served a nice dinner, with light provided by Amazon.
She always loves Kindle-lit dinners!
What does a beam of light wear when it wants to get kinky?
How many classical economists does it take to change the light bulb?
None, because they think the invisible hand already did it.
Did you hear about that dumb movie about two light bulbs?
It is called dim and dimmer
I’m growing suspicious of my light switch
Where does bad light end up?
My coworkers are like christmas lights,
Half of them dont work and the other half arent that bright.
How many disappointed dads does it take to screw in a light bulb?
How would I know? You’ve made me the proudest dad alive.
Did you hear that a car full of garlic, ginger, and lemongrass ran a red light in the middle of the city, injuring tens of people?
It was a fragrant disregard for public safety.
I bought one of those 'smart light switches ', but it was much too clever.
So, I replaced it with a dimmer switch.
what's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a light bulb
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So they threw one overboard and the boat became a cigarette lighter.
Finally learnt how to separate my washing into lights and darks...
Turns out there can be a bit of a grey area
Yesterday I changed a light bulb, crossed the street and walked into a bar.
How does the Sun deliver light to Earth?
I heard thunder nearby, so I ran around and turned on all the lights.
When kids asked me why, I said "where's there's thunder, there's lighting!"
Why does the president stop at the traffic light?
Because he's a Law A 'Biden' citizen
The barman says, “Sorry, we don’t serve faster-than-light particles in here.”
A faster-than-light particle walks into a bar.
Why did The Joker have to sleep with his lights on?
Because he was afraid of the Dark Knight.
—
My 9yr old son just told me this 🤪
This is what being American is all about. Second Amendment Lights.
Just looking for a light snack...
In light of his record with these mega-projects, Elon Musk's proposed new Miami-tunnel gives new meaning to the term
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When God lights a cigarette....
Is it with a match made in Heaven ?
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Well, we aren't the brightest people
Where was Moses when the lights went out?
In the dark.
My dad literally just said this to me, so I felt it was appropriate to post.
When a light goes out, it's best to call the whole family.
Because many hands make light work.
What do you call a blimp wrapped in Christmas lights?
People say feathers are light.
The pessimist sees a dark tunnel. The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a freight train.
The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
How many dyslexics does it take to change a light bulb?
How many hispanics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
What did the green light say to the red light?
3 men are stuck on a boat with 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.
They throw one over board and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
What did God do after creating a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness of Earth?
What did the Red light say to the Green light?
Don't look at me I'm changing!
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