362 days until Christmas and people already have their lights up...
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︎ Dec 28 2020
What do you call a woman that would rather stare at her phone than look up at the Northern lights?
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︎ Jan 01 2021
Didn't light up on SLPT, maybe y'all will like it.
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︎ Oct 15 2020
What lights up a soccer stadium?
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︎ Oct 30 2020
Open up your morning light...
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︎ Jul 18 2020
Ding heres a light joke to brighten up the world(three jokes in one) (;
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︎ Sep 16 2020
Two snails pulled up next to me at a red light.
When the light turned green they sped away.
I looked to my friend and said, βlook at that S car go!β
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︎ Aug 08 2020
If a light no longer lights up
Is it a light, or a dark?
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︎ Jun 25 2020
Lights out lying in bed. My wife just made this up: Which jokes are historians allergic to?
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︎ Jul 19 2020
Here's something to light up your life
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︎ Oct 30 2019
Say βRise up lightsβ out loud.
Congratulations, you can now say razor blades in Australian.
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︎ Apr 18 2019
Where does bad light end up?
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︎ Dec 31 2019
This one really lights up your day
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︎ Mar 04 2019
Sometimes I get tyred of normal jokes and make puns instead. They are quick, easy, and don't put you under pressure. Sometimes, they can be very flat. They can be as light as air, or as heavy as steel. All in all, puns really punp me up!
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︎ May 14 2019
I'm always able to light up a room
simply by smiling and moving away from the window.
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︎ Jul 22 2019
These puns really light me up
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︎ Oct 03 2018
Dad pulls up to a red light, Car next to him revs the engine and yells "race?"
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︎ Jun 07 2016
If youβre struggling to think of what to get someone for Christmas. Get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.
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︎ Sep 26 2018
What do you say when your parents pick you up from your light skinned friend Rachelβs house?
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︎ Aug 09 2018
In the supermarket, my son and I saw a cashier holding a customer's note up to the light.
"Is that counterfeit?" my son asked.
I said, "Don't be silly, son. Counters don't exercise."
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︎ Nov 24 2018
Too late I realized the new jar of discount mayonnaise felt light. When I opened it up the pristine surface collapsed into a large air pocket.
Yes it was a sinkhole de mayo.
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︎ May 11 2018
You know when you sneeze and that tiny region in your brain really lights up
There's a small part of me that really enjoys that
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︎ Oct 17 2018
Why did the robotβs eyes light up?
He finally got new contacts.
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︎ Jul 23 2018
She lights up the room, every time she walks in...
...then again, sheβs the only one who knows where the light switch is.
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︎ May 05 2018
So a friend of mine was putting up Christmas lights and they got stuck in her hair
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︎ Dec 22 2017
I got out of bed and my girlfriend asked "Will you turn the lights off while you're up?"
I said "No, but I can turn the lights off while Asia."
Girlfriend cringed
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︎ Nov 07 2015
It January second and people already have their Christmas lights up....this is getting ridiculous.
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︎ Jan 03 2017
Thomas Edison was the type of guy who really knew how to light up a room.
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︎ Jul 25 2016
In light of No-Shave November, my best dad joke up to date.
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︎ Nov 16 2013
I could see his eyes light up as I unknowingly provided the set-up.
Me: banging an ice cube tray on the kitchen counter to get the ice out
Dad: Who's making all that racket?
Me: Me, I'm trying to break the ice
Dad: Why, is nobody talking to you? Ahahaaaaaaa.
Dad goes back to eBay
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︎ Oct 23 2013
I woke up this morning and my bedside light had turned into a moth...
That's the last time I ever buy a larva lampβ¦
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︎ Feb 11 2017
Setting up Christmas lights with my dad
Me, holding one end of a string of lights: Ok, Dad, grab a side.
Dad: Isn't that what kills grabs?
Me: What?
Dad: Grabacide.
He burst out laughing for a full minute.
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︎ Aug 14 2014
How do you light up a soccer stadium?
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︎ Jun 29 2020
How do you light up a soccer stadium
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︎ Jul 08 2020
Can you believe that people have their Christmas lights up already?
There is still 365 days until Christmas
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︎ Dec 25 2019
What lights up a soccer stadium?
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︎ Sep 02 2019
Where does bad light end up?
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︎ Jan 03 2015
Can't believe people still have Christmas lights up... Christmas was LAST YEAR!
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︎ Jan 02 2017
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