Red bull gives you wings
πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AMswag123
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
How do you measure a red hot chili pepper?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh, now.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DanOfAllTrades80
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
What's red and bad for your teeth ?

A brick

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
Famous singer. Girl in red
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Water-into-weed
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
How do you know how heavy a red hot chili pepper is?

You give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now

πŸ‘︎ 434
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pprbckwrtr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
To the scumbag that stole 300 cans of Red Bull from my store,

I don't know how you can sleep at night.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
As a colorblind man, i thought i saw red for the first time

Turns out it was only a pigment of my imagination

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Imodigum
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
What is red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeletedForSpamm
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
🚨︎ report
My wife gets mad whenever I mess with her red wine.

So I added fruit and lemonade to it and now she's sangria than ever

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
What’s blue and red and smells like shit?

Blue and red shit.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pickledust465
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
My house got broken into last night and they stole over 100 cans of red bull..

I don’t know how they sleep at night

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tackit286
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
What’s green and turns red when you push a button?

A frog in a blender.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zuckerschneggle
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
The red scare
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FBI_03
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
corvidae red-billed chough
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Heuristick
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
If you dunk a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PeskiePete
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
Why do ocean fish have red eyes?

Seaweed.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/noapostrophe555
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
The biggest red flag
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zachattack15782
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens when you drop a red hat in a blue ocean?

It gets wet

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WiiSexDolphin
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine.

Recently I added fruit and lemonade to it and now she's sangria than ever.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
My post is so hot, it’s red
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MRPOTATOGAMING99
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
The colours red, white and blue are the colours of freedom.

Until they are flashing behind you.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
What happened when the red ship and the blue ship crashed

They were marooned

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
A ship carrying blue paint collided with a ship carrying red paint.

Both crews have been marooned.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ch57113
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
What do I have if I have 8 red LEGO bricks in one hand and 16 blue LEGO bricks in the other hand?

Really big hands.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
A French guy started a charitable foundation that symbolizes the coexistence between faiths; combining "Red Cross" and "Red Crescent". What did he call it?

Red Croissant

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
What is red, green and eats rocks?

>!The red-green rock eater!<

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bawserlol
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
Why did the snail paint a big red S on the side of his race car?

Because he wanted to hear everyone say "Look at that S car go!".

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lisajean1234
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17
🚨︎ report
Roses are Red,Violets are Blue
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PTasker15
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
🚨︎ report
Why did the traffic light go red?

Because it saw a pretty car.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/extremeavYT
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
What’s red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wutisthis66204
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
🚨︎ report
It is purple/red and makes a nibbling sound when you squat in the grass

Vegetarian hemorrhoids

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/meegja
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
I found out why nurses carry red crayons

In case they have to draw blood.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/33billings
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Roses are red, Violets are blue
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
🚨︎ report
A red ship and a blue ship crashed

The survivors were left marooned

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eggycrunchyb0b
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
I once saw a little guy with a red pointy hat riding the D.C. subway, listening to some music, tapping his toes perfectly in time with the beat

He was the greatest Metro Gnome ever.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
🚨︎ report
My son and I were walking down the street and he was saying he didn't know which girl to ask to prom and whether he should get a pink or red corsage. I stopped and said, "you might not even have prom due to coronavirus! You gotta look at the big picture, son."

And we both admired the new mural.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
At what age do you start loving red wine?

When UB40.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JDDDouble
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
I decided to try something new and get my wife a box of red hot chili peppers for Valentines

she told me "give it away, give it away, give it away NOW" !

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
A famous viking of the red clan came home one day and told his wife it's gonna rain tomorrow. She asked him how he knows. He told her:

Rudolf the red knows rain, dear!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/psayayayduck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
TIL the color magenta doesn't exist, it is your brain trying to make sense of your red and blue cones activating while the green is inactive.

Turns out, it's a pigment of your imagination

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
🚨︎ report
Why do nurses need red crayons?

Because sometimes they have to draw blood.

πŸ‘︎ 124
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/caraknowsbest
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
🚨︎ report
How do you measure how heavy a red hot chilli is ?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy that stopped at a red light?

It’s braking news!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
🚨︎ report
How rude. I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.

They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLe99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
🚨︎ report
whats the difference between red and purple?

your grip

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jordanvbull
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
🚨︎ report
I've trained my dog to bring me a glass of red wine.

It's a Bordeaux collie.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/huse789
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
🚨︎ report
What's red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint

πŸ‘︎ 740
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/broeshweehn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What is yellow, but tastes like red paint

Yellow paint

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vico__Staps
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
I just saw a AAA battery-delivery truck run a red light. Hope he doesn't get charged.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
"Did you hear about the guy who kept stealing cans of red paint?"

"Yeah! I heard he got caught red handed!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDoge55545
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about Tom, the guy who lost two of his toes in an accident with red acidic fruit?

They call him Tom eight toes

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDoge55545
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12
🚨︎ report
Why are red crayons a nurse’s favorite?

Because sometimes, they have to draw blood.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pumasbutthole
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
🚨︎ report
I finally found out why Nurses Cary red crayons

Incase they have to Draw blood.

πŸ‘︎ 266
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hawkeyesfan03
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s red and bad for you’re teeth?

A Brick.

πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrSisterFister20
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a skinny person waiting at a red light ?

light-wait (get it, like lightweight)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yungWilly2004
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15
🚨︎ report
If a red house is made of red bricks and a blue house is made of blue bricks, then what is a green house made of?

Glass

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kortbug2000
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Roses are red violets are blue...

I can make only bad dad jokes unlike you.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/diamondsarefun
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02
🚨︎ report
What’s red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UnhappyTatorTot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
When do you stop at green and go at red?

When you’re eating watermelon!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15
🚨︎ report
What's red and smells?

Rudolph's nose.

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the breath freshener turn red and run out of the room?

It had a large amount of embarrass-mint.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/airsabe
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
🚨︎ report
this is a real red flag for me!
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/solid_salad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Roses are red, violets are blue

You're welcome for the gardening facts

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/x_amxxn_x
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01
🚨︎ report
Remember how Red Skull was being consumed by fire in the end of Captain America

Guess you could say he needed a fire HYDRAnt

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/888prosperity
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
The fact that everything we see in monitors is made up of only red, green and blue is amazing. I suppose you could say...

They RGBees knees

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spudzzy03
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
Red hot pun over here
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Roses are red. Violets are read. The grass is red.

My garden burns

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Berster6
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01
🚨︎ report
Who split the Red Sea using diffusion?

Os-moses.

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CoolDude777777777
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My male friend with two red headed parents got turned into a cookie today

Not much has changed though, he’s still a ginger-bred man.

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/A-T-P
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Hamilton ran a red light last week

He was Non-stop

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MonotoneYay
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
Well, the new year is upon us and that means I have to stick spigots in all my red and black maple trees...

The task always saps my strength.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said "It's going to rain". His wife asked "how do you know?"

"Because rudolph the red knows rain, dear"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TripHasard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Red ship hits Blue ship...

Sailors marooned.

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Roses are red...

Roses are red. Violets are red. The grass is red. The fence is red. OH SHIT THE GARDEN'S ON FIRE!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do Firemen wear red suspenders?

>!To hold their pants up!<

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gusbmoizoos
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
We have Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer On

My dad says "they never talk about Olive the other reindeer..."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What's red (or yellow) and sits in the corner?

A naughty bus

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/itsmelunow
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
Red's Whine - a weird poem I wrote

Poor Red,
Poor Red whines,
Pour red wine,
Pour red wine to mend Red's mind.
Mind the wine that ends Red's whine.
Find the time to send more wine.
For poor Red's whine, we pour more wine.
We dread the time when poor Red whines.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Raylan_Givens
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
There is a bunch of teenagers in my town who keep stealing Red Bull from convenience stores.

I don’t know how they sleep at night.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Rudolph The Red and his wife are out walking one day, Rudolph says, β€œIt looks like rain.” His wife says, β€œYou don’t know that.” To which he replies,

β€œRudolph The Red knows rain, dear.”

πŸ‘︎ 89
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/i_am_the_arm__
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Rudolph the Red

One day a Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window when he said β€œit’s going to rain tonight”.

His wife asked, β€œhow do you know?”

β€œBecause Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear”

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blighternet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What's red and bad for your teeth?

A brick

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PacEffect
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
How heavy is a red hot chili pepper

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now!

πŸ‘︎ 133
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Justanaveragedad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
What's red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotter66
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
What is red and is bad for your teeth?

A brick.

πŸ‘︎ 84
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What's red and bad for your teeth?

A brick

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
How do you measure how heavy a red, hot chili pepper is?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.

πŸ‘︎ 204
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/karmisson
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What's red and bad for your teeth?

A Brick.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Whats blue and smells like red paint

blue paint

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Boop108
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s red and bad for your teeth?

A brick

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Depressed_Citrus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What's red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MacItaly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What's red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/otesNmoney
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend gets mad whenever I mess with her red wine.

So I added some fruit and lemonade to it, and now she sangria than ever.

πŸ‘︎ 432
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report

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