Reddit Funny Puns

Would that be a cents off humour failure?

My dad asked, "so you like both men and women?"

I responded with, "yeah, but I'm not seeing anyone right now"

He said, "so you must be on stand-bi"

50 cent featuring Nickelback.

There needs to be a balance.

A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

Just not the ones she been giving me lately.

Thanks for the silver ❤️

Certainly Sir, said the receptionist...this is the Lobby.

Every one reading this is on the same page.

Edit: Thanks guys. This is way too much love.

A quarterback.

Today, my daughter asked “Can I have a bookmark?” and I burst into tears. . .

That has left scientists scratching their heads.

A pic for anyone who wants to see it:

https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/lum6ev/so_if_this_is_broken_would_it_now_be_a_cant_opener/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

I paused for a second while I thought and said, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”

Because Dawn is tough on Greece

I don’t understand why she feels that way.

We have always been such a happy couple and everything was fine for 3 years straight. Of course I always felt comfortable in front of her and felt like I can tell her anything. That's where I was wrong.

A few months ago I noticed that she became annoyed by my dumb jokes that were only funny to me, but that just made it even funnier to me so I continued telling all these dad jokes to her and died laughing every time.

She puts up with it because she loves me. At least I thought so.

We were always 100% honest with each other and I'm still shaken by the things she told me today.

I sent her probably one of my worst dad jokes ever (that I stole from reddit), and she just couldn't take it anymore and told me how stupid my jokes are and that she doesn't know if she'll be able to put up with it much longer.

But that's not the worst part, I actually appreciated her honesty and considered the possibility to stop with all the stupid jokes and become more serious in the relationship.

The worst part is that she lied to me for the first time in all these years. I felt like I just couldn't trust her anymore and everything I thought I knew about her as a person just became questionable. I need your advice on how to react to this huge lie...

She told me she's Sorry, but I know for a FACT that her name is Diane.

Sorry, I meant female but the emale got deleted.

Unfortunately, the stairs don't talk.

I'll give credit where credit is due.

Me, to my son: "Greg, someone we know says you sound like an owl."

Greg: "Who?"

Granddad lying in hospital death bed Grandma: "Alright, write your grandson a note for him to remember you by." granddad picks up paper grandma gave him and writes a musical note on it It was his grand finally.

I apologize to everyone in the sub about my earlier post. I was trying to make a funny joke, but I spelled the title wrong and couldn't go back. After that, everything spiraled out of control. I thought about deleting it and pretending it never happened, even denying it's very existence, but after a moment of reflection I realized:

There's no use lying over spelled milk.

Scene: Dinner for my mom's birthday at a very nice (expensive) restaurant.

Waitress: Your steak comes with a choice of the vegetable of the day or a twice baked potato.

Me: Are twice baked potatoes and refried beans prepared similar ways or is that just a naming coincidence?

W: Laughing Oh my God. Our bartender and I were just talking about funny "dad jokes" on reddit! I didn't expect to hear one in person. Do you use reddit?

M: Umm... Yeah... I actually follow r/dadjokes but I'm not a dad and

W: You should post that joke there!

I have no idea if she will see this but my wife said I had to let everyone know about a redditor interaction. I hope she does because the food was awesome and she was a fantastic waitress beyond being a fellow redditor.

I still have no idea if twice baked potatoes and refried beans have any link...

At the Thorchestra.

He apparently has a 3-D printer

And das not good.

All credit for this joke goes to /u/Xiphers's Mom. I tried cross posting it here to give full credit to OP, but this sub only allows text posts. Here's the original post: https://old.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/bxeoqo/my_mom_has_a_board_with_attachable_letters_and/?ref=share&ref_source=link