I can't stand my wife's ideas for our kitchen redesign
And I'm not convinced by her counterarguments.
I was sentenced to 5 years in prison for stealing kitchen utensils.
I guess it wasn't worth the whisk.
Why can't Jesus work in a kitchen?
Because of cross contamination.
Our kitchen drawer has been on the verge of breaking for months.
I visited a monastery and as I walked by the kitchen I saw a man frying chips. I asked him "are you the friar?"
He replied "no im the chip monk."
That TV show where a Dad finally gets up from the sofa and go to the kitchen.
If you're Russian in the bedroom, and Italian in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom?
EUR-O-PEA-N.
(Brought to you by my girlfriend. Sorry if unoriginal.)
I suffer from a rare form of kleptomania that causes me to steal people kitchen utensils.
it’s just a whisk I’m willing to take.
Our kitchen counter is really cluttered right now.
I told my wife that I didn't approve of the counterculture. Then I told her I was going to launch a counterattack. Then she shook her head and walked out of the room.
I saw a pair of midgets arguing in the kitchen and it made me think about that old saying...
Two mini cooks spoil the broth.
Ninjas wound up in my kitchen.
A blender and an air fryer.
Why can't parades have anything kitchen-themed?
Because parades have floats; not sinks.
What kitchen appliance do surfers hate?
As a project I decided to install a clock below my kitchen faucet...
...but the whole thing turned out to be a big time sink.
My son was in the kitchen singing into a spoon and a colander
I said don't strain your voice kiddo.
I lied on the kitchen table at my workplace and closed my eyes.
Then I heard the door open and my boss' voice. "Hey! What's going on here? Aren't you going to eat your microwave meal?"
"I am," I replied, "but on the packet it says 'rest for five minutes before eating'."
I walked into the kitchen this morning and saw my father stabbing a box of Cheerios.
I never knew my dad was a cereal killer.
A thief just stole a mixer from my kitchen
I guess it was a whisk he was willing to take
What do you get when you throw a grenade into a French emperor's kitchen?
I’m a bit of a dumbass in the kitchen so my wife often cooks for us
“Can you help me chop these potatoes to a good size?” She asked me.
I said, “I’m happy to try, but you should know, I’m not that sharp”
My friend has a speech impediment and i caught him stealing from my kitchen.
He said he liked taking whisks.
Asked this from my kids today : which part of the kitchen is the best at math?
Kitchen counter... the groans could be heard by the neighbors
My girlfriend's mom just sent us a care package. From the kitchen she tells me "we have peach jam, we have strawberry jam, and we have blueberry jam"
Without missing a beat I responded with "oh that's cool, do we have any Pearl Jam?"
Fully expect to be single soon
Well, Don’t Tell Your Mother But I Got Arrested For Stealing Utensils From a Kitchen
It was a stupid decision but it was a whisk I was willing to take.
My wife called me into the kitchen to look at all of our new stock options.
There were chicken bones, beef bones and veggie ends.
I used to steal people's kitchen utensils...
...but it wasn't worth the whisk.
When a kitchen fixture is delivered to your house, you should ALWAYS allow it to be brought inside.
I could get in trouble for stealing from the kitchen supply store
But that’s a whisk I’m willing to take.
My son yelled from the kitchen
I asked if he was attacked by a raptor.
He said, " no a book hit me."
I responded, "ah, a spinosaurus."
The wife and kids laughed so I'm happy.
If you’re an American in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom?
I just found out my kitchen has marble countertops...
...all this time I took them for granite.
What do you call it when a small kitchen appliance greets another?
Something doesn't work properly in my kitchen, and I don't know what.
I think it's the stove, but I can't put my finger on it
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
I fell asleep beside the kitchen sink...
I feel completely drained now...
Don't worry, kitchen humor is a whisk I'm willing to take.
Today, my wife and I bought a kitchen sink that was just too big to put in the car. She took the sink out of the box and it fit finally!
I said, now that’s thinking outside of the box.
My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it!
Some people were arguing about the most important part of a kitchen.
"The sink is the most important! It's where you get water for cooking, wash your hands, clean fruits and vegetables, and clean the dishes up afterwards."
But another person said,
"The countertop is even more important. It's where the food is prepared. And if the counter weren't there, you wouldn't have a sink at all!"
The first person was shocked. They weren't expecting a counterargument.
Had to put flypaper in my kitchen
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool to use?
What do you get if you throw a bomb into a kitchen?
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
Something doesn't work properly in my kitchen, but I don't know what.
I think it's the stove, but I can't put my finger on it.
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