Infants Puns

A list of puns related to "Infants"

My infant son is a bit constipated. My wife was like "I want to weigh him today" and I said that's not a good idea. She asked why...

Because he is full of shit.

She responded "you shouldn't say that"

I responded "what he just lies all day."

Real convo

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👤︎ u/kwestwood186
📅︎ Nov 03 2020
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What do you call a tree full of armed infants?

Infant tree

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👤︎ u/BLizardLeLizard
📅︎ Jun 26 2020
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I was playing poker with my infant son, when I told him...

... I'll raise you

PS: Happy Mother's Day.... Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad!

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👤︎ u/MichaelRM
📅︎ May 10 2020
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My infant daughter is too young for earings

but she sure loves her droolery

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👤︎ u/purchell53
📅︎ Jan 11 2020
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A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"

That's just not rite.

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline
📅︎ Nov 13 2019
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Photo of police officer breastfeeding a stranger's hungry infant is warming hearts around the world.

After the feeding she couldn't get the baby to sleep so she charged it with resisting a rest

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👤︎ u/ButterCupHeartXO
📅︎ Mar 21 2019
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Google Just launched an application for infants and newborns, it's called

Google-dada

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👤︎ u/Udjasen
📅︎ Sep 26 2019
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My infant son crapped his pants while I was voting today.

He was just fulfilling his civic doodie.

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👤︎ u/cdmccabe
📅︎ Nov 06 2018
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My infant daughter woke up with a cut on her face

I asked her if she made it from scratch

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👤︎ u/harpin
📅︎ Nov 08 2016
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What do historians call the period of time in which many parents left their infant children behind?

The orphanAGE

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👤︎ u/grantzke
📅︎ Dec 30 2018
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Why did the cop arrest his infant son?

Because he was resisting a rest

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👤︎ u/Whiskeyflavourcigar
📅︎ Jun 19 2019
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I went to that circle of infant male pigs expecting to have a good time but...

It was a little boar ring.

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👤︎ u/Electrolightning
📅︎ Mar 30 2017
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My infant had a checkup at her pediatrician today...

And I was informed that the "10lbs" on the diaper package was for the weight of the baby, not the diaper's load capacity... Who knew?

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👤︎ u/blackknightxiv
📅︎ Nov 14 2018
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If an infant learns to eat solid food on October 31st...

Does that mean they Hallowean?

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👤︎ u/-Silverr-
📅︎ Oct 15 2017
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Just finished and infant CPR class.

It was depressing.

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👤︎ u/Sorry_Firefighter
📅︎ Jun 29 2018
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What do you call an infant Caucasian terrorist?

A vanilla Isis baby.

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👤︎ u/frozenmoses
📅︎ Jul 18 2015
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What do you call an infant with messy hair?

A cowlicky baby.

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👤︎ u/CookieSan
📅︎ Feb 23 2017
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Just got my wife and infant son with this one...

After a feeding, my beautiful wife went to burp our seven month old son. He let out a gnarly burp, right in her face, to which she said, "Ew. That burp was foul, kid."

I replied with, "Did you feed him chicken salad?"

A delayed, angry smirk was a welcomed response.

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👤︎ u/SU55
📅︎ Sep 25 2014
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My wife and I were talking about our infant son..

and I explained that he and I have a special father-son bond; that he has my "Y" (chromosome). My wife replied, "...and my X".

Which I echoed back to her, in a booming dwarven voice: "AND MY X!"

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👤︎ u/fangsta
📅︎ Oct 22 2014
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" So that you remember our troops this holiday season, here's an infant tree."

http://m.imgur.com/diy3i2m

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👤︎ u/frecklefries
📅︎ Dec 01 2013
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