My grandfather turned 90 today, but he still doesn’t need glasses.
He drinks straight from the bottle.
I'll never forget my grandfathers last words to me..
"Would you stop shaking the fucking ladder?!"
My grandfather died because the report said he had Type A blood.
Unfortunately it was a Type-O.
My British friend was really proud of his heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.
Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.
The last thing my grandfather said before he died was, “It’s worth it to spend money on good speakers.”
That was some sound advice.
When I die, I want to go peacefully, in my sleep, like my Grandfather.
Not like the people screaming in his car
I have an antique globe that belonged to my great-great-grandfather.
It meant the world to him.
My Grandfather survived Pepper spray and Mustard gas attacks in two wars...
... And came home to us a seasoned Veteran.
Edit : To use a war pun.. " Wow, this really blew up " ...Thanks to all for contributing to this bit of fun. I feel like Granddad now with all the medals.
Why do they call it a grandfather clock?
My grandfather lived for 96 years & he never used glasses.
He directly drinks from the bottle.
My grandfather was an entertainer in a belt factory.
He’d walk from one area to the next, telling stories and jokes which built upon each other. Week after week, he kept the line workers entertained with his complex jokes. One day, he was fired when he forgot the hole punch line.
My Grandfather has the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the zoo
The last thing my grandfather said to me before he died was “Pints! Gallons! Litres!”
My grandfather always said that when one door closes, another one opens.
He was a terrible cabinetmaker.
What do you call a cranky grandfather?
I asked my grandfather how he was enjoying the new stairlift that was installed in his house.
He said, “It’s driving me up the wall.”
Before he passed away, my grandfather said, “Here are three words that would help open a lot of doors for you.”
My grandfather died after eating too many gingerbread houses last Christmas.
Doctors said it was munch housin’ syndrome.
My grandson’s dad joke ( very proud grandfather) What kind of chips do you get at the airport?
Why can’t two elephants swim at the same time?
They only have a pair of trunks.
-my grandfather, just 5 minutes ago.
I heard something coming from my grandfather's urn.
He was speaking out of urn.
My grandfather’s last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.
That’s a lot of pressure.
What did digital clock say to Grandfather clock?
"Look Grandpa, no hands!"
I’ll never forget the last thing my late grandfather said to me.
Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket?
"Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket."
I try speaking to my grandfather in his urn.
I have a feeling he is turning a deaf ear.
My grandfather lived to be 95 and never used glasses.
He always drank right from the bottle.
My grandfather was a plumber, my dad and brother are plumbers.
So if you see me with plumber’s crack, just know it’s in my jeans.
In memory of my Italian grandfather, i started a restaurant.
I remember the last words my grandfather ever said to me. He said ‘You selfish boy!’
Not long after that, I became a fishmonger.
My grandfather died because the report said he had Type A blood
Turns out it was a Type-O
My British friend was really proud of his heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.
Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.
The last thing my grandfather told me was “It’s worth spending money on good speakers.”
That was some sound advice.
The last thing my grandfather told me was “It is worth spending money on good speakers.”
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did.
Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
When I die, I want to go out peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather...
Not kicking and screaming like the passengers in his car.
My grandfather died because the report said he had type A blood
Unfortunately it was a Type-O
My grandfather had the heart of a lion
And a permanent ban from the nearby zoo
My friend was really proud of his British heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.
Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.
My friend was really proud of his British heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.
Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.
I asked my grandfather how he’s enjoying the new stair lift that was recently installed in his house.
He said, “I hate it. It’s driving me up the wall.”
Before he died, my grandfather’s last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.
That’s a lot of pressure.
My grandfathers last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.
That’s a lot of pressure.
I will never forget the last thing what my late grandfather told me.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion...
...and a lifetime ban from the local zoo.
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