her name is Carly and shes a doctor (pun idea)
man I should C A Rly good doctor
Doctor to patient do you smoke?
Patient: yes.
Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes?
Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.
What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor??
An Optical Aleutian
I’ll see myself out...
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself and shared it with us during Christmas dinner!
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...
A Man rushed into a Doctor's office shouting ' help me Doctor, I'm shrinking' The Doctor calmly said ' Now settle down a bit '..
.. you'll just have to learn to be a little patient.
A woman suddenly in labor shouts, shouldn’t! wouldn’t! couldn’t! didn’t! can’t! The doctor says "don't worry."
“Those are just contractions.”
My Doctor has just prescribed some anti gloating cream
I can’t wait to rub it in
I just went the doctors, turns out I’m colourblind
The results came completely out of the purple!
My doctor texted me that I was suffering from low magnesium
When the doctor told me that there was a cure for dyslexia,
A man went to the doctor’s and told him, “I feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”
He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”
The doctor today told me I had kidney stones.
It really rocked my world.
A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts whenever I touch my face, knee and elbow." The doctor says,
"You've broken your hand."
Guy's doctor tells him he's sick. He says "I want a second opinion."
Doc says "Okay, you're ugly too."
Along with gender dysphoria, my doctor wanted to address my poor oral health.
She prescribed me trans-and-dental medication.
Going to the foot doctor tomorrow.
Don't often think about my feet. They are usually the furthest thing from my mind.
I asked for two doctors
But all I got was a paramedics
I told me my doctor I didn’t want her to give me stitches.
She said “fine, suture self.”
Why is the doctor at the blood bank picky about her dates?
Doctor: I’m afraid we’re going to have to remove your colon.
If a doctor fixes you up with duct tape…
He'll have turned you from being black and blue into being Red Green.
As the doctor completed an examination of the patient....
he said, ''I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking.''
''In that case,'' said the patient, ''I'll come back when you're sober''
An epidemiologist, a scientist and a doctor walk into a bar...
...just kidding, they know better.
So the doctor sat me down and gently revealed to me me that my child is a boy trapped in a girls body...
...Until my wife gives birth that is. Only three more months to go!
Doctor: Can we talk about your weight?
Certainly. It was about 20 minutes, but at least the chairs didn't break this time.
2 years ago my doctor told me I’d go deaf
I haven’t heard from him since.
Doctor: I'm sorry, but I had to remove your colon
What happens, when a doctor catches a disease, that he already found the cure for?
He gets a taste of his own medicine.
I went to my doctor today and told him I was having problems with my hearing. He asked, “Can you describe the symptoms?” I replied, "Sure..."
“They’re yellow, Homer’s fat, and Marge has blue hair.”
Why did the pedal go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling depressed.
A Scotsman visits his doctor. He pulls his kilt up and says doctor you have to help me I'm going crazy
The doctor says I can clearly see your nuts
A bell curve walked into a plastic surgeon's office and said "Doctor, I don't like the way I look"
And the doctor said, "You look normal to me".
A pre-surgical trans man goes to the doctor
Doc: “Have you had any surgeries?”
F2M: “Yes. I had appendicitis.”
Doc: “Ah. Appendectomy. How can I help you today?”
F2M: “Addadicktome.”
Does anyone know if doctors could take some of my butt flesh and graft it onto someone who isn't a relative?
Doctor: Your body has ran out of Potassium
My doctor just diagnosed me with a severe lack of awareness.
Man! That came out of nowhere!!
What did the doctor prescribe to the supernova who was complaining of the aching of their leg?
Went to my doctors today. He asked me if I had any problems passing water.
I said, "I always feel a bit queasy crossing Brooklyn Bridge."
Doctor: Here is your newborn baby but we are sorry that your wife didn’t make it
Me: Please bring me the one my wife made
What does the doctor say when he misjudged my blood type?
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”
Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”
“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.
“Bonnie,” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”
“Oh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”
Doctor: "Your DNA is back to front."
My doctor told me I'm going deaf.
The news was hard for me to hear.
A man walks in to a doctors with a strawberry growing on his head.
Doctor: Would you like some cream for that?
"Doctor, I'm shrinking."
"Well, you just have to be a little patient."
2 years ago my doctor told me I’d go deaf
I haven’t heard from him since.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So, I have an uncle once removed.
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