Doctor: I think your DNA is backwards.
What did the Doctor say to the constipated detective?
A man rushed into a Doctor's surgery, shouting ' help me please, I'm shrinking ' The Doctor calmly said ' now settle down a bit '..
..' you'll just have to learn to be a little patient '
Anyone else notice that when you REALLY need an eye doctor they are hard to see?
Doctor: Sorry sir but your body has ran out of Magnesium
My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on the knees to test their reflexes.
He really gets a kick out of it.
My doctor told me I'm going deaf.
The news was hard for me to hear.
does anyone know if a doctor can take some of my butt flesh and graft it onto someone who isn't a relative?
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Watson is the most famous doctor in the world
My doctor says that when you die, your pupils are the last thing to go.
My dentist looks like my eye doctor
Doctor: "Relax David, It's just a small surgery. Don't panic!!"
Me: "But my name isn't David."
Doctor: "I know, I'm David."
Doctor to Patient do you smoke?
Patient: yes
Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes?
Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.
My dad was born with a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
I have an uncle, once removed.
Why do doctors always make you wait so long?
Because they know you're patient
A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walk in to a doctors office...
...the nurse asks the rabbit, “what blood type are you?”
The rabbit says, “I’m probably a type O.”
Why is doctor spelled with a C and not a K?
No reason to see one if it's ok.
A formerly blind man finishes his last round of eye surgery to gain his sight. The doctor asks if he has any last questions.
Patient: no, I think I'll see my self out.
Why did the bird go to the doctor?
My doctor said today that I have a bladder infection
I asked him what that means for me and he replied, "Urine trouble."
The doctor told me my dad was pronounced dead today.
I told him I didn’t realize I’ve been saying it wrong all these years.
I went in for a Covid test and my doctor asked if I had a sudden loss of taste
"No, I always dress like this", I replied.
Doctor : Which knee hurts
What do you call a doctor that’s always ready?
I went in to get a checkup for severe pain near my belly and the doctor said "You have acute appendicitis". And I said..
Thanks, but I was looking for a treatment, not a compliment.
I got a hammer lodged in my esophagus and doctors can't remove it
They say it's the worst case of a Thor throat they've ever seen.
I went to an Eye Doctor because I was having trouble seeing
I thought he would give me glasses, but he said he had a better solution and suddenly squirted ketchup into my eyes!
I was about to object, then realized I could see perfectly! I asked him how it worked, and he shrugged and said...
"Heinz-sight is 20/20"
What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor??
An Optical Aleutian
I’ll see myself out...
I told my doctor I thought my arm was broken, in several places.
He said "Well, you should probably avoid those places in the future."
My doctor says I should start eating hot peppers to boost my immune system.
He said they're full of Vitamin Spi-C!
My eye doctor told me I have some of the worst vision of any of his clients today
Didn't see that one coming
Friend: “My doctor said I had to give up playing the drums.” Me: “Why?”
Friend: “He lives in the apartment below me.”
A doctor moved from LA to Portland.
It was an Oregon transplant.
When my doctor told me I had a deviated septum, I asked him how different it was from the average.
"Standard deviation", he replied.
Doctor: Calm down, David. This is a very simple procedure.
Me: I’m not David.
Doctor: I know. I’m David.
Why did the bee go to the doctor?
Why did the person with muscle pain put their doctor through a Soda Stream?
Because they needed to see a fizzier therapist.
What do you call a grumpy eye doctor?
So I went to the doctor because of my constipation
He didn't believe me.
He said I was full of shit
what did the doctor say to the man with the social media addiction?
I am very sorry sir, I am afraid your condition is not tweetable....
I finally got the Covid vaccine yesterday and as I was driving I noticed my vision was blurry. I called the vaccination center and asked if I should go to the doctor or hospital. They said no.
But they encouraged me to immediately return to the vaccination center to pick up my glasses.
A man walks into his doctor’s office and says, “Doctor, I think I’m addicted to Twitter.”
The doctor looks at him and says, “Sorry, I don’t follow you."
If Watson isn't the most famous doctor in the world...
Doctor to patient do you smoke?
Patient: yes.
Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes?
Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.
My doctor told me I'm going deaf
The news was very hard to hear
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
My doctor said that when you die, your pupils are the last thing to go....
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