Deciding Puns

After she makes and edits her video she starts to take pictures of her hands. Her mom walks by seeing this and asks "Why are you taking so many pictures of your thumbs?". The blond girl replies " If you want people to watch your YouTube videos you gotta have great thumbnail pictures."

He was just Biden his time

I named mine Gatherer

I replied, “I didn’t know you could raise bagels.”

I think I’ll sleep on it.

I am not an Indian giver...

...I take that back.

I said to my wife, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"

After some thought, I decided to go home.

Me: I don't know, I think I'll sleep on it My dad: Why would you sleep on a fan?

2B or not 2B

I said, "relax honey! You're just having a mid-wife crisis."

You could say she has a bone to pick.

which candidate has the best vision.

Tumi or not Tumi?

“What is your will, Pharaoh?”

"A Roomba? Makita? Ooooh! I want Eureka!"

He avoided me for the rest of the day.

...but I've recently gotten it down to a tea.

Me: Mom, are we going anywhere for your 50th since its the big one.

Mom: hmm havent really thought about.

Dad: Hawaii

Me: ah, why Hawaii?

Dad: Because it'll be Hawaii five-0

but I think he's just Biden his time.

My friend Sarah and I were tossing up between Indian and Thai. We called her boyfriend Sam to see if he would like takeaway. He can't have shellfish so Thai is a no.

Sarah: "we're trying to decide if we should get Thai or Indian. Do you want take out because if you do, we will get curry but if not, we will get Thai for us."

Me: "you're the tie-breaker."

I told her to chai harder.

"I'm going to go and dig up some info"

Dad: So what do you want for dinner?

Me: I don't know.

Dad: Oh sorry but I don't think we have any "I don't know" in the freezer right now.