I hope this is not a bed pun
I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
What does a CIA agent do when it's time for bed?
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?
What does Jeff Bezos do every night before bed?
Who do you call about a bed wetting problem
Did you hear about the pregnant bed-bug?
It's having babies in the spring.
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
They never told me that getting older mad eeverything hurt when you get out of bed
I guess that’s why it’s called being a groan-up
Before we go to bed, my wife always recites the members of the round table..
I decided to read my dictionary in bed last night, but I didn't finish it.
Have you heard of the pregnant bed bug??
She’s going to have her baby in the spring!
A Bull and a cow were getting ready for bed.
The bull insistent on having sex until the female cow replied.
“ Honey I’m not in the moood.”
I uh I’m gonna go now.
What do classical musicians like to read in bed?
I woke up at midnight to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor staring at me from the foot of my bed...
First I was afraid, I was petrified.
I will have a very comfortable corpse bed when I die
It will be memory foam
I have strong memories
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
What dose a spy do before bed
Whats the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.
How do you train your kids to stop wetting the bed ?
Make them use an electric blanket.
Doctor Doctor! At night in my bed I keep saying lines from The Lord of The Rings
That's ok, you're just Tolkien in your sleep.
The most stable relationship I have is with my bed
Because it stands on four legs.
Patient in hospital bed shouts to the doctor. Doctor Doctor I cant feel my legs!
I know that the doctor said; We have amputated your arms....
Well I'm going to bed
Someone wake me up when September ends
A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.
The Warden said "he's a little condescending"
They call me "The Pharoh" in bed...
...Because I turned my lady into a mummy!
I keep reciting all of Lord of The Rings in bed
My wife says I need to do something about Tolkien in my sleep.
If you buy a bigger bed for you room
You get more bed room but less bedroom.
I break every bed I lie down on...
Guess I must be a heavy sleeper
As I was getting in bed, she said, "you’re drunk."
I said, "How do you know?"
She said, "You live next door."
On my death bed I’l request to be moved to a tub full of pees just before I die so people can say ‘may he rest in pees’
My wife and I bought a water bed recently but ever since then...
I swapped our bed for a trampoline
My daughter refused to go to bed on time.
I told her she’d be booked for resisting a rest.
My new girlfriend told me I'm terrible in bed
I told her it's unfair to make a judgment in less than a minute.
When you buy a bigger bed, you have more bed room but less bedroom
That's a very important fact I just read and wanted to share with you guys. Buying beds is a serious topic.
I read it's romantic to scatter rose petals on your bed, but they were too expensive. Instead, my wife and I will just have to make love on..
My patient wanted his bedding fixed, and when I did, I found remainders of his lunch.
Turns out, he was resting in peas.
I fell asleep with my pet bunny in my bed last night.
I woke up with the hare standing on the back of my neck.
Did you hear about that Native American who drank 5 gallons of tea before bed?
That night, he drowned in his teepee.
My mom told me I would never accomplish anything lying around in bed..
Look at me now, saving lives!
Nothing really mattress, couldn't chair less
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
Edit: Wow! Went to bed, went to work, checked this post, and holy hell did it blow up! Thanks for the awards, funny add-one and dad jokes! This sub is awesome!
How do you make water bed more bouncy
How do you make a water bed more bouncy
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?
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