Typical dad, back at it again with them puns!
My mom lost her car keys. Asked if I had them. I barely search, tell her I don't. Two weeks pass. I find them. Punning ensues.
What do you say to warn your family you're about to test a new dad joke on them?
My dad was born with a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
I have an uncle, once removed.
I like jokes with a lot of soul in them.
Digging holes is not fun, but making them even bigger is even worse.
Two Deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says
“I can’t believe I blew 40 bucks in there”
I’ve recently discovered I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.
I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but I’m slowly getting over them!
UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers.
You make the world a happier place! 🤩
I took my boys to the traveling circus and told them to keep their focus on the biggest pole...
...because that's the center of a tent son.
3 men were in a boat with 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.
So they threw one overboard and the boat became a cigarette lighter.
Why do graveyards have gates around them?
Cause people are dying to get in!
Need a pun and I’m not good at them
I’m making some art about a band with three spray bottles as the singers, what are some band names? It would be cool if it was a pun about sprays or a parody of an existing band, thanks
My wife says I’m terrible at finishing things after I’ve started them.
I have created living numbers! In fact, one of them is psychic and told me that certain things will continue to happen for a long time.
At least for the four-seeable future.
If you have bee hive at your house, and you call a local bee keeper to take them away, the Bee keepers will thank you for the FreeBees.
What do Vegans do when nobody watches them
I entered 10 puns in a joke contest. I figured one of them would win...
Easiest way to flush them out
I work as a tattoo artist in a wellness center making very specific designs and everyone get really surprised when I tell them that I'm also a doctor...
Nobody expects the Spa Niche Ink Physician.
When the Wright Brothers were arrested for trespassing at Kitty Hawk, the judge refused to grant them bail...
...he considered them a flight risk.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer the other day. I don’t know what he laced them with but, I’ve been tripping all day....
Why did doctors name them hemorrhoids?
My parents were upset when I told them I wouldn't be taking over the family bakery.
That's just not how I roll.
What Sith Lord immobilizes his opponents instead of killing them?
My 2 pet birds got stuck together, so I took them to the vets to see what they could do.
Apparently, he couldn't do anything, because it was just....
Toucan-fusing.
I can always tell when someone is lying just by looking at them.
I can tell when they're standing too.
While waiting for a school-related live stream, me and my friend decided to throw words at each other and make puns out of them. This is one of my most proudest puns.
What do kids say after getting a phone call from someone older than them?
There were a few irish friends in a pub and one of them was telling a joke about cows but no one laughed.
He should have told a udder joke
Whoever decided to called them Dentures....
....really missed an opportunity to call them Substitooths.
People say I don't think about my actions before I make them
I’m addicted to abusing nuns, I just can’t not hit them, the only thing that’s worked for me is redirecting it to somebody else.
I’m trying really hard to kick the abbot
I was making crumpets this morning and my wife asked me “how did you make them?”
“Well, I asked them nicely.” - I replied.
There's a band called The Delays but I hate them
They keep playing 30 seconds after you stop them.
Was so proud of my boys. I just asked them what we should call the can opener that just broke. I’m an instant they said, “A can’t opener?” They will be good dads someday!
A pic for anyone who wants to see it:
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/lum6ev/so_if_this_is_broken_would_it_now_be_a_cant_opener/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Pork factories keep calling me and I keep hanging up on them.
My contact lenses have been dry on my eyes when I put them in. I discovered a liquid to prevent it!
I waited all afternoon to get my Covid vaccine in our small remote village, by the time it was my turn, they were administering them by candlelight...
I’m really not sure how effective they are, seems as if they are a shot in the dark.
Why do vampires bite people's necks to turn them undead?
Because they're neck romancers.
All of my socks have holes in them!
How do you think I get my feet in them?
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So, I have an uncle, once removed.
3 men are stuck on a boat with 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.
They throw one over board and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
What Sith Lord immobilizes his victims instead of killing them?
Darth Ritis.
Edit: The Sith Lord of politeness, Darth anksalot.
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