Typical dad, back at it again with them puns!
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︎ Mar 01 2020
My mom lost her car keys. Asked if I had them. I barely search, tell her I don't. Two weeks pass. I find them. Punning ensues.
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︎ Jan 08 2016
I tell ya he loves them puns.
How do you clean a tuba?
With a tuba toothpaste.
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︎ Aug 10 2013
What do you say to warn your family you're about to test a new dad joke on them?
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︎ Mar 11 2021
What does the plumber say to their child after lecturing them?
ππ¦π΅ π΅π©π’π΅ π΄πͺπ―π¬ πͺπ―...
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︎ Apr 20 2021
My parents always pushed me to get a big job. So i worked at a soda company just to sprite them.
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︎ Apr 23 2021
After Orville and Wilburβs first horrific and fatal plane-accident leaving their remains scattered on the tarmac, the chief medical examiner approaching what was left of them simply asked:
βAre you all Wright?!β
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︎ Apr 15 2021
Who called them testicles and not donuts.
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︎ Apr 29 2021
If you have trouble believing someone is telling the truth or not; ask them if they like big butts
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︎ May 02 2021
I like jokes with a lot of soul in them.
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︎ Mar 23 2021
My dad was born with a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
I have an uncle, once removed.
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︎ Apr 02 2021
How do you like them apples?
Mom was freaking out that we ate all the apples.
"I just bought them, yesterday!! It's not like they..."
"...grow in trees?" Dad finished.
All of us kids were cracking up and dad is now having a private talk with mom.
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︎ Apr 18 2021
Digging holes is not fun, but making them even bigger is even worse.
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︎ Apr 09 2021
I used to be a judge for the world orchestra championships, but I quit because too many of them were coming out with outlandish sob stories to win me over...
Always trying to get the symphony vote.
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︎ Apr 17 2021
Two Deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says
βI canβt believe I blew 40 bucks in thereβ
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︎ Feb 02 2021
I have two pairs of trousers, but I prefer one of them for golfing
Because thereβs a hole in one
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︎ Apr 30 2021
Iβve recently discovered Iβm terrified of elevators, so Iβm taking steps to avoid them.
I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but Iβm slowly getting over them!
UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers.
You make the world a happier place! π€©
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︎ Nov 12 2020
When people ask me if i've always been in the IT industry, i tell them "No, i used to be a diesel fitter."
"I worked at a factory that made women's undergarments, and i stood at the end of the line. Every time a pair came down, id put them on my head and say dees'l fit'r."
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︎ Apr 21 2021
My physics teacher teaches kids the concept of frequency by punching them exactly once a second
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︎ Apr 30 2021
A cousin of mine posted a couple of jokes on this sub, but the mods deleted them.
Heβs my cousin, twice [removed]
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︎ Apr 29 2021
Someone knocked on my door yesterday, he was selling belts with watches on them!
I said, βIβm good thanks, theyβre a waist of timeβ
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︎ Apr 29 2021
My wife came home with a bunch of spring flowers and asked where I'd like her to put them.
I said, " I'll tell you where you can plant your tulips."
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︎ Apr 19 2021
Two man walk into a coffee shop, one of them orders a Cup of Tea and starts stripping.
The man behind counter says: what the hell is this?
To which the second man says: he's new to Tea
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︎ Apr 26 2021
What do librarians take with them when they go fishing ?
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︎ Apr 16 2021
I took my boys to the traveling circus and told them to keep their focus on the biggest pole...
...because that's the center of a tent son.
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︎ Mar 25 2021
Why do they call them JalapeΓ±os?
Because they bring you hella pain, yo
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︎ Apr 24 2021
3 men were in a boat with 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.
So they threw one overboard and the boat became a cigarette lighter.
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︎ Mar 29 2021
Need a pun and Iβm not good at them
Iβm making some art about a band with three spray bottles as the singers, what are some band names? It would be cool if it was a pun about sprays or a parody of an existing band, thanks
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︎ Mar 03 2021
Why do graveyards have gates around them?
Cause people are dying to get in!
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︎ Apr 12 2021
I have created living numbers! In fact, one of them is psychic and told me that certain things will continue to happen for a long time.
At least for the four-seeable future.
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︎ Mar 10 2021
My wife says Iβm terrible at finishing things after Iβve started them.
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︎ Mar 27 2021
We got a new microwave at work. After heating my food for the first time in the new microwave I go to my colleagues and say to them "I just cut my fingers on the new microwave!"
They all startled "what happened?"
I reply "it's Sharp!"
They murmured something and left the room...
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︎ Apr 15 2021
I entered 10 puns in a joke contest. I figured one of them would win...
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︎ Feb 13 2021
Easiest way to flush them out
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︎ Feb 04 2021
I can always tell when someone is lying just by looking at them.
I can tell when they're standing too.
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︎ Oct 14 2020
If you have bee hive at your house, and you call a local bee keeper to take them away, the Bee keepers will thank you for the FreeBees.
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︎ Mar 14 2021
I work as a tattoo artist in a wellness center making very specific designs and everyone get really surprised when I tell them that I'm also a doctor...
Nobody expects the Spa Niche Ink Physician.
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︎ Mar 01 2021
What do Vegans do when nobody watches them
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︎ Apr 06 2021
Why did doctors name them hemorrhoids?
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︎ Jan 26 2021
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer the other day. I donβt know what he laced them with but, Iβve been tripping all day....
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︎ Mar 08 2021
What Sith Lord immobilizes his opponents instead of killing them?
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︎ Feb 23 2021
My parents were upset when I told them I wouldn't be taking over the family bakery.
That's just not how I roll.
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︎ Feb 28 2021
When the Wright Brothers were arrested for trespassing at Kitty Hawk, the judge refused to grant them bail...
...he considered them a flight risk.
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︎ Mar 31 2021
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
My wife came home with a big bunch of flowers and says where would you like me to plant them.
I said I'll tell you where you can plant your tulips.
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︎ Apr 22 2021
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