Discussing Power Circuit Sizing with my Boss...
Boss: 50 HP? That's a lot of amperage. We might want to install the larger circuit in the first place.
Me: So then, should I call the electrician and run the future current past them?
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︎ Nov 24 2015
When you order a large combo meal in north korea what size is your drink?
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︎ Feb 04 2021
Which size bra holds the most salty water?
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︎ Feb 02 2021
I was at the store with my wife picking out a turkey and she seemed unimpressed by the size. She asked "do they get any bigger?"
I looked her in the eyes and replied "no honey, they're dead."
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︎ Nov 02 2020
So yall know how people used wooden dentures in the 19th century? I wonder if women ever tried or thought of using the same idea to increase boob size.
That would be something, now wooden tit?
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︎ Jan 11 2021
The car dealership in my town just doubled its size.
Now it can offer a whole lot more.
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︎ Jan 03 2021
My kid wanted to talk to ghosts; we found three guys willing to intervene. One was very tall, one was very short and the other was mid-sized.
I chose the 3rd guy as he was the medium.
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︎ Jan 01 2021
Have you heard of the new travel sized chocolate truffles?
Pocket Lindts...
Credit: Twitter
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︎ Jan 09 2021
A guy told me the size of my heart matters more than my physical size.
Good thing I went to the cardiologist before the gym.
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︎ Jan 02 2021
I saw a drunk dude riding in a boat on the chests of four women with average bust size, one of whom had a single mastectomy.
He was sailing on the seven Cβs
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︎ Dec 09 2020
My ADHD medicine comes in a case shaped like a 3-sided polygon where each side is the same size, and the pills are distributed uniformly.
It's an equal Adderall triangle.
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︎ Dec 01 2020
A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.
The mortician asked the deceasedβs wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit heβs already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says βI donβt care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.β The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, βwhatever this costs Iβm very satisfied, you did an excellent job and Iβm incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?β To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says βthereβs no charge.β Shocked she replies βno really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.β βHonestly maβamβ, the mortician says, βit costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.β
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︎ Jan 07 2021
Loofahs comes in 4 different sizes...
Small, Medium, Large and Vandross.
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︎ Dec 06 2020
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
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︎ Nov 25 2020
Son: There's a life-sized "Leg lamp" at the light display! It's like 4 feet tall!
Me: No, it's only one foot.
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︎ Nov 25 2020
Ive invented a product that increases the size of your basement...
I hope it is a big cellar.
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︎ Nov 06 2020
Today I learned that if a canoe turns upside down in the water, you can safely wear it on your head.
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︎ Dec 29 2020
What do you call the biggest size of soup you can order in restaurants?
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︎ Sep 09 2020
To all the women out there who say size doesnβt matter:
You are all extremely shallow
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︎ Oct 14 2020
Is my wife dissatisfied with my body?
A tiny part of me says yes.
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︎ Sep 29 2020
I just got thrown out of my local park for arranging the squirrels by height.
They didnβt like my critter sizing.
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︎ Oct 05 2020
My friend is annoyed because his dog keeps trying to pick fights with dogs five times his size.
I told him he shouldnβt have adopted that Cocky Spaniel.
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︎ Oct 02 2020
Did you hear about the monster-sized piece of cheese destroying the city?
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︎ Aug 28 2020
LPT: If you don't want to buy sandwiches to your co-workers, just buy them with mistakes: Other kind of bread, other size...
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︎ Jul 16 2020
I hate being average sized
My shirts always try to contact ghosts
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︎ Sep 25 2020
What size shoes does a bear wear?
He wouldn't wear shoes. He's got bare feet.
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︎ Jul 24 2020
Fortune tellers only come in one size
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︎ Aug 14 2020
What size of bed did Freddie Mercury sleep in?
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︎ Jul 11 2020
My daughter was so amazed at the size of her moms woman toes.
I offered to show her my mentos.
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︎ Aug 30 2020
My wife was just trying to convince me to spend $1k on a new king size bed...
...I told her Iβd have to sleep on it.
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︎ Jul 29 2020
They only had size of shirt available at the psychic convention.
Turns out they're mediums.
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︎ Aug 26 2020
Have you heard about the chicken that got kicked out because it was too big?
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︎ Feb 06 2021
My wife tried to help me and washed my bear costume in hot water. It shrunk outa my size!
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︎ Aug 18 2020
Dewey's doctor has been keeping track of all of his moles. The location and size of them. He's so thorough that he measures them all the way down to tenths.
He called it the Dewey deci-mole system..
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︎ Aug 14 2020
Γ fortunate fit
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︎ Aug 14 2020
Why did everyone ignore the tall flightless bird?
Because he was Ostrich-sized
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︎ Feb 03 2021
Due to freezing conditions in New York, the mens American Naturist Society....
.....has seen the size of their members shrink dramatically.
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︎ Feb 13 2021
Its great being an orphan....
Every bag of chips is family sized.
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︎ Feb 08 2021
Starbucks should release their own brand of facemasks, they could call them...
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︎ Nov 30 2020
I bought a sail for my boat on Amazon the other day.
Today it dawned on me that it's not the right size so I called to cancel. They said it's too late.
That sail has shipped.
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︎ Jan 03 2021
What tree has fruits of all shapes and sizes
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︎ Jul 27 2020
I got kicked out of the park for lining squirrels up by height...
They said I was too critter-sizing
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︎ Oct 23 2020
What do you call plus sized bees?
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︎ Jun 13 2020
Physicians work alone, or in mid-sized teams
because two of them together would be a paradox.
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︎ May 15 2020
There has been some good news today as a plus-size clairvoyant announces they are releasing a charity calendar, with pictures of them in their underwear.
Fans of the psychic say that they are looking forward to seeing a large medium in smalls.
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︎ Jun 08 2020
They have a new birth control pill for men that's the size of a small pebble.
You put it in your shoe and it makes you limp.
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︎ Apr 08 2020
I also knew someonewho felt morally obligated to drive an economy sized Honda
She felt it was her Civic duty
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︎ Mar 02 2020
My buddy John gave his size 13 boots to his little brother, Phil. Problem is, Phil wears size 9.
John left large shoes to Phil.
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︎ Mar 22 2020
My statistics professor told us that the larger the sample size, the more reliable are your averages.
The Nβs justify the means.
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︎ Sep 30 2018
I got thrown out of my local park after arranging the squirrels by height.....
They didnβt like me critter sizing.
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︎ Aug 27 2020
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