I was at the store with my wife picking out a turkey and she seemed unimpressed by the size. She asked "do they get any bigger?"
I looked her in the eyes and replied "no honey, they're dead."
So yall know how people used wooden dentures in the 19th century? I wonder if women ever tried or thought of using the same idea to increase boob size.
That would be something, now wooden tit?
The car dealership in my town just doubled its size.
Now it can offer a whole lot more.
A guy told me the size of my heart matters more than my physical size.
Good thing I went to the cardiologist before the gym.
I saw a drunk dude riding in a boat on the chests of four women with average bust size, one of whom had a single mastectomy.
He was sailing on the seven C’s
My ADHD medicine comes in a case shaped like a 3-sided polygon where each side is the same size, and the pills are distributed uniformly.
It's an equal Adderall triangle.
Loofahs comes in 4 different sizes...
Small, Medium, Large and Vandross.
Ive invented a product that increases the size of your basement...
I hope it is a big cellar.
What do you call the biggest size of soup you can order in restaurants?
To all the women out there who say size doesn’t matter:
You are all extremely shallow
My friend is annoyed because his dog keeps trying to pick fights with dogs five times his size.
I told him he shouldn’t have adopted that Cocky Spaniel.
LPT: If you don't want to buy sandwiches to your co-workers, just buy them with mistakes: Other kind of bread, other size...
What size shoes does a bear wear?
He wouldn't wear shoes. He's got bare feet.
Fortune tellers only come in one size
My daughter was so amazed at the size of her moms woman toes.
I offered to show her my mentos.
What size of bed did Freddie Mercury sleep in?
My wife was just trying to convince me to spend $1k on a new king size bed...
...I told her I’d have to sleep on it.
They only had size of shirt available at the psychic convention.
Turns out they're mediums.
My wife tried to help me and washed my bear costume in hot water. It shrunk outa my size!
Dewey's doctor has been keeping track of all of his moles. The location and size of them. He's so thorough that he measures them all the way down to tenths.
He called it the Dewey deci-mole system..
What tree has fruits of all shapes and sizes
There has been some good news today as a plus-size clairvoyant announces they are releasing a charity calendar, with pictures of them in their underwear.
Fans of the psychic say that they are looking forward to seeing a large medium in smalls.
They have a new birth control pill for men that's the size of a small pebble.
You put it in your shoe and it makes you limp.
My buddy John gave his size 13 boots to his little brother, Phil. Problem is, Phil wears size 9.
John left large shoes to Phil.
What did they say about the couple who had the same shoe size?
My statistics professor told us that the larger the sample size, the more reliable are your averages.
The N’s justify the means.
A horse walks into a bar with a maths problem that says 'If a shape has a width twice the size of its length, which is the greatest in size?'
The barman says 'y, the long face'
My grandfather would talk to ghosts who’d tell him what size clothes to wear,
How much did it cost me to get the perfect size Christmas tree for my house?
Did you hear about the herbs that were phoning everyone, trying to panic-buy all different sizes of measuring cups?
Desperate thymes call for disparate measurers.
My dog Zeus is famous for his size, in Mexico.
Mexicans I've never met walk up to me and say "Hey Zeus! That's a big dog!"
If caprisun ever made a larger drink size
It would be called CapriFather
Having size 15 shoes is a great accomplishment.
After all... It’s no small feet.
If there was a big enough difference in the size of my shoulders, you know what that would be?
I used to have a full size wooden car. Wooden wheels, wooden engine, wooden seats.
BUT, when I tried to drive it, it wooden go.
Credit : u/johnnycrosshatch
It's hard to judge the size of boobs under a shirt...
...because they're below see level
There is a gang of shoplifters going through the city systematically stealing clothes in size order.
Police believe they are still at large.
How do you measure the size of a picture made out of pennies?
The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
If a King gets a King size mattress and a Queen gets a Queen size mattress, then what does a Prince get?
What happens when you go from a twin size bed to a queen size bed?
you would have more bed room but less bedroom
When my father left to buy cigarettes ten years ago, he forgot to put on his size 14 boots, and I'm keeping them because of the sentimental value.
That's why I'm still carrying around these huge daddy-shoes.
The car dealership in my town just doubled its size.
It can offer a whole lot more.
What size clothes do psychics wear?
What size shirts do psychics wear?
The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
There's a gang of shoplifters going across town systematically stealing clothes according to size.
Police say they're still at Large
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