What did they say about the couple who had the same shoe size?

They were sole mates

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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What's my shoe size?

1 ft

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Magnificent-Moe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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Paul's an assistant at a butcher shop . He's 6 foot tall and wears a size 9 shoe . What does he weight ?

Meat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Messicanhero
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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Wearing size 15 shoe

Is no small feat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lilsguy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
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How does a Lego man measure his shoe-size?

in square feet

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2017
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My dad wears a size 15 shoe

Every time I go to the outlet malls with him, he will walk into all of the shoe stores and roam around in the men's section until a clerk comes to talk to him. When they ask if they can help with anything, he asks "Do you have any adult sizes? All I see are children's shoes!"

And then he proceeds to laugh until he walks to the next store. I love him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dabidimas
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2013
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What size shoes does a bear wear?

He wouldn't wear shoes. He's got bare feet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShawnOfTheDread
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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Having size 15 shoes is a great accomplishment.

After all... It’s no small feet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TF79870
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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the puppy test

Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

  1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
  2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
  3. Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
  4. Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
  5. Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
  6. Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
  7. Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
  8. Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
  9. Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
  10. Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
  11. Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
  12. Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
  13. Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
  14. When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
  15. Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
  16. Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
  17. Always go straight home after work or school
  18. Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
  19. Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
  20. Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
    Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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You know what they say about a guy with big feet

They say "Sorry sir we don't have your shoe size"

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DJ_Bambusbjorn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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My son is driving my wife and I crazy.

My boy, Arthur, is slow. He is the slowest child I’ve ever met. And I don’t mean mentally, he just doesn’t move quickly at all no matter what the urgency.

He takes an hour to get out of bed and stand up in the morning. He takes an hour to eat. When we go anywhere we have to tell him 20 minutes in advance because he takes that long to get his shoes on. His showers…we had to install an industrial sized water heater and hook it up to his shower exclusively because he would drain the tank and shower in ice cold water and started getting sick from it.

The worst part is that even if you help him out he doesn’t go faster. We can feed him and he’ll just swallow slower. We can wash him and he’ll just sit there for longer.

I’ve learned to live with it and be content because I know he won’t change. But my wife can’t take it. Just the other day she told me she was going to punish him to make him go quicker:

β€œI’ve had it with him! I’m going to start giving him timeouts and taking away toys for going so slow!”

β€œHoney,” I said, β€œit’ll never work.”

β€œWhy not?!”

β€œBecause you can’t rush Art.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bunselpower
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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Measuring Shoes

My girlfriend and I were discussing why Korean shoe sizes are such large numbers (I wear a 257 in Korea).

Me: I wonder what they use to measure to get that number.

Her: They use feet.

-_-

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CerealTyrant
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2017
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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Wide feet

I woke up this morning and my mom was looking at my feet...

Mom: What size shoe do you wear? Me: 9.5 Wide Dad: I wear a 10.5 Wide Mom: Oh, so that's where you get your fat feet from. Dad: No, I still have mine

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Benji83
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2013
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I texted my dad for help with my moms birthday gift

Me: hey can you sneakily check and see what size shoe mom wears? Dad: shoer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rachelsquito
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2014
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