I rode the elevator to the eleventh floor and as I got out, the operator said, โ€œHave a good day, son.โ€ I replied, โ€œDonโ€™t call me son, youโ€™re not my dad.โ€ He scratched his head and said...

โ€œNo, but I brought you up, didnโ€™t I?โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 94
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 14 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The first time I rode an elevator was an uplifting experience.

The second time let me down.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 20
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/leftonasournote
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My buddy rode up to me on his new bicycle. He says "look what I got for my wife".....

I replied, "nice trade"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 46
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bigdotbob
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Lady Godiva rode nude though Coventry to protest taxes.

It's the naked truth.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Couldbeurmom
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 05 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I rode a horse without a saddle once...

I found it to be quite unstable.

Cred: My gf.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/guywithausername1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
You ever hear about the dude who rode his horse through a flaming loop?

His name was Medieval Knievel.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Sandra-Clapped
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I rode the elevator to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said "Have a good day, son" reddit.com/r/Jokes/commenโ€ฆ
๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Tskcool
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 07 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I rode my bike into a bar.

I broke my jaw, my cheek bone and cracked my skull in 2 spots.

It's funny because it's true.

Always wear your helmet.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JRAdams472
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 14 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I'm reminded of the man who rode a bike, made from scavenged trash, to work every day

he called it recycling.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CluKInCok
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I rode my unicycle to the bank today. They told me I have outstanding balance.

I'm not sure how to take it.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 28
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 30 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
There once was a beautiful, snowy kingdom.

It was ruled by a fair king who joyfully ruled his land. Unfortunately, the kingdom was also home to a wicked thief who loved nothing more than causing mayhem for all the inhabitants of the land.

However, the thief was not your ordinary thief. He only stole bells. Any kind of bell, whether a tiny bell from a kittenโ€™s collar, all the way up to the bell from the kingโ€™s royal bell tower.

When the king awoke one morning, the bell towerโ€™s bell was missing. The king, being brave and noble, decided to follow the thief back to his lair. He chose four of his most loyal soldiers, mounted his horse, and rode off into the snowy woods, following the footprints left behind on the ground.

Soon, he and his soldiers arrived to a clearing in the woods. In front of them was a large, bell-shaped building. They found the thiefโ€™s lair!Pointing to the recent tracks left in the snow by the thief, the king announced to the soldiers,

โ€œLook! The Fresh Prints to Bell Lair!โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/reddit_reddit03
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I went to the bottle shop the other day on my bicycle...

bought a bottle of whiskey and put it in the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off my bike, the bottle would break.

So I drank all the whiskey and then rode home.

It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off the bike seven times on the way home!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/growupyall
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti

Well I did, and you shouldโ€™ve seen her face when I rode pasta

๐Ÿ‘︎ 67
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mummifiedllama
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
In the old Wild West there was a notorious gang of dangerous outlaws, theyโ€™d just attacked a town.

The sheriff decided that he needed to stop them so he rounded up his deputies and they rode out in search of the gang.

After a couple of days everyone was tired and hungry so one of the deputies rode up to sheriff and said โ€œLook sheriff we are all too tired, why donโ€™t you guys rest up here and Iโ€™ll ride 4 miles north and two miles east and see if I canโ€™t find us some grub?, Iโ€™ll be back by morningโ€

The sheriff agrees and off the deputy rides 4 miles north and two miles east.

The next morning the deputy returns with all his packs full of bacon! The sheriff says โ€œwhere the hell did you get all that bacon out here in the middle of nowhere!โ€

Deputy says โ€œwell you see sheriff I rode 4 miles north and 2 miles east and I swear to god thereโ€™s this bacon tree just sitting there! A tree that is full of bacon!โ€

โ€œBullshit!โ€ Says the sheriff โ€œyou stay here Iโ€™m going to check this out!โ€

So off the sheriff rides the same as the deputy did.

The next morning the deputy seeโ€™s the sheriff crawling towards the camp with arrows sticking out of his back.

Deputy says to the sheriff โ€œ Boss what the hell happened!โ€

The sheriff looks up from the ground and says โ€œBACON TREE, BACON TREE, that wasnโ€™t a damn bacon tree you idiot it was a Hambush!โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FleetChief
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It rode down the hill and turned into a field

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PuddlesTheDolphin
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
So I was driving uber tonight and I picked up a girl from the dorms at UNCW. She sat in the front and we were chatting when suddenly she sneezed.... Now. I didn't realize it while talking, but she had a glass eye, and when she sneezed her glass eye came flying out at me.

I caught it, handed it back to her and she popped it in and said thank you. I didn't know what else to say...

So, we rode in silence for the rest of the trip until we got to the bar. When we arrived at the bar, she turned and asked if she could have my number. I was flattered because she was so pretty, but I told her I was happily engaged.

She smiled at me and said, "That's a shame, you really caught my eye."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 43
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/izzy10200
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I yelled, โ€œCOW!โ€ at a woman on a bike

As she rode by. She looked at me, gave me the finger, and turned back around and promptly plowed her bike into the cow.

I tried.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 130
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bot_10
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
An evil wizard..

There was an evil wizard who hated mathematics. One day he decided that he would end math once and for all, by capturing the 10 digits, and locking the away forever in his secret prison. So he cast his spell, and all the digits, from 0 to 9 were under his influence. He put them in his magic sack and rode off to the prison. When he reached the prison, he opened the sack. To his horror, there were not 10, but 9 digits there. After searching thoroughly he realized that...it was the 1 that got away.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kickypie
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Nailed this dadjoke on a 6 hour drive to Oregon

Wife notices graffiti on the side of the road with the word HISTORY. Her: "That is the second time I have seen someone graffiti that word." Me: "History repeats itself."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Mark_is_Dragon
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 17 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
So this might have been posted before but...

A boy was in love with a girl. Madly in love. He told his older brother, who suggested he ask her to the upcoming prom. So, that night, he went to her house with some flowers and chocolates and asked the girl to the prom.

She was overjoyed. She took the flowers and hugged him around the neck. When he went home, his brother told him he had to get ready. Prom was in only a week!

The next day, he traveled to a suit store. He picked out the perfect one. It would go perfectly with his dateโ€™s dress. He picked his up and went to check out. Unfortunately, it seems a lot of people were buying suits, as the line nearly went out of the store. He groaned, but anything for his love. After two long hours, he finally got his suit.

A couple days later, his brother suggested that he rent a limo. He and his brother went to rent one that evening. When they arrived, they discovered that there were nearly 50 people waiting to rent a vehicle. They waited for nearly three hours, but they were finally able to rent a limo for the big day.

The afternoon before the dance, he went to buy some flowers for his date. Unfortunately, the store seemed to be having a sale, and the checkout lines extended into the parking lot. He stomped his foot. โ€œWhy is it that every time I go to buy something, everyone else wants to buy it too?!โ€ He begrudgingly waited for nearly four hour before walking out with a bouquet of roses.

That night, he rode in the limo to his dateโ€™s house. She got in, and they talked the entire trip. He presented her with the flowers, which she adored. Her dress was stunning, and went perfectly with his suit.

They arrived at the school and got out, arms linked. They walked inside, said hi to a couple of friends, and began dancing and enjoying the night.

About halfway through the dance, the boy was parched. He told his girl that he was going to get a drink. He walked over to the snack table and discovered that there was no punch line.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 49
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ohihatethesepants
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Horse Puns

Funniest horse puns and jokes

A white horse walks into a pub and asks for a whisky. The landlord says: โ€œHey, weโ€™ve got a whisky named after you.โ€ The horse replies: โ€œWhat, George?โ€


A horse trudges slowly into a pub and orders a drink. โ€œEveninโ€™โ€ says the barman, โ€œwhy the long face?โ€


A horse walks into a smart cocktail bar. The doorman says: โ€œWait you canโ€™t come in here without a tie.โ€The horse goes out to his car, looks in the boot and gets a set of jump leads, which he ties around his neck.He goes back in and says to the barman: โ€œThis alright?โ€ The barman says: โ€œHmm, okโ€ฆ but donโ€™t be starting anything.โ€


A poorly-looking horse limps into a bar with a bandage round his head. He orders a glass of champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness. He downs the lot and says to the barman: โ€œI shouldnโ€™t really be drinking this with what Iโ€™ve got?โ€ โ€œWhy, what have you got?โ€ โ€œAbout ยฃ2 and a carrot.โ€


Which side of a horse has more hair? The outside Whatโ€™s a horseโ€™s favourite TV show? Neighbours


A racehorse owner takes his horse to the vet. โ€œWill I be able to race this horse again?,โ€ he asks The vet replies: โ€œOf course you will, and youโ€™ll probably win!โ€


Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa!


A dead horse walks into a bar and orders a whisky.

โ€œIโ€™m sorry, sir,โ€ says the barman. โ€œWe donโ€™t serve spirits..


A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. โ€œExcuse me, good sir,โ€ the horse says, โ€œare you hiring?โ€ The manager looks the horse up and down and says, โ€œSorry, pal. Why donโ€™t you try the circus?โ€ The horse nickers. โ€œWhy would the circus need a bartender?โ€


Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? The doctor described his condition as stable.


What did the horse say when it fell? โ€œIโ€™ve fallen and I canโ€™t giddyup!โ€


Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.


A man rode his horse to town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How is this possible? The horseโ€™s name was Friday.


Why did the pony have to gargle? Because it was a little horse!


What did the horse say when it fell? Iโ€™ve fallen and I canโ€™t giddyup!


What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? Why the long face?


What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bo

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Punsville
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 04 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Bike joke

My friend rode his bike to meet up with me:

Me: How was the ride?

Friend: My bike is tired.

Me: Two tired!

I thought it was clever. =/

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheBloodEagleX
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 13 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Dadjoked going to the beach

I rode down to the beach today with my son, my husband, and my husband's best friend. We drove past a cemetery when ny hubby said "I can't be buried in that cemetery." I asked him why not, and he told me "because I'm not dead." Many sighs were had.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 28
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rykersmom
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 06 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My stepdad cheers me up and brings me down at the same.

Disclaimer: not a regular dad joke.

My wife (+ step kids) and I split up earlier this year and I told my stepdad I was feeling pretty bummed out with it being Father's Day and me now kidless, so I rode my motorcycle to the beach to get some wings. He said "don't worry about it, if I had the choice between being a father or getting wings, I would have gotten wings too." Can't decide if I should feel better or worse.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Peabo721
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 18 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My 17 y/o son will make a great dad someday.

He lives in a somewhat rural town and someone he knows rode his horse through town today. As he pulled up next to him he asked " How many miles to the gallon does your MUSTANG get?"

So proud right now.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/fixerofthings
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 19 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.